Im feeling pretty raw right now, and I'm going back on forth on whether I just need to meditate and go for a walk, or write, but deep down I know writing is going to be cathartic, and this post... at the very least it will serve me, but likely it will serve many of you who read it + who relate to the depth of feeling coming up for me right now.
This morning I had a dream.
After e-mailing one of my dear soul brothers (whom I haven't spoken to in months) --- he showed up in my dreamtime, along with his little family.
We were at some sort of convention or gathering that hundreds of people were attending, and I found Dave with his baby daughter I have yet to meet, and his beautiful partner. I knew I loved this child deeply from the moment she entered this world, and as I was not lucid in this dream, I truly believed I was wrapping my arms around her for the first time. As I held this little baby, deep tears, from a very deep place, welled up within me and poured out.
It was so good to see my beautiful soul friend and his baby, and as I explored the convention, I found more of my soul friends, all from my community in Calgary. I left a few years ago after a breakup + so I could be with the ocean, and live more deeply in nature.
As I saw them one by one, I felt happy, excited, and at peace. I felt deep emotions. And as dinner was being served at this convention, I went to sit down and get my plate... but I couldn't find my seat. All the seats were taken, and then, as I looked for all the beings whom I loved... I realized... I couldn't find any of them. They had disappeared. I knew they weren't there anymore.
Deep grief welled up within me, and my tears bridged the gap between the dream world and this reality.
I woke up crying, and opened my eyes to my bright yellow room, and a cloudy day. I was back.
I knew of course, why I had this dream. (Well I think I do anyway...)
To let go of some of the grief of not being present in my soul family's day-to-day lives. To let go of grief. To open that much further. And to become reminded of just how important it is to reach out.
For anyone who has let themselves experience the depth of a true soul connection, you know the kind of depth that I'm talking about.
We go through this life meeting friends, acquaintances, co-workers, and yet... there are a handful of people who transport us to another place, another state of being, just by being around them.
We know we know them from... somewhere... we're just not sure where.
The truth of my experiences with these soul connections so far is... some of them honour and embrace you. And you grow deep friendships rooted in a lifetime of love for each other.
And some of them leave before you even get started, because they can't handle the intensity.
Because they can't handle that you are a girl, and they are a guy, and they have a girlfriend, and they're not sure what it means to have a connection so deep with another. As I searched for more examples... I realized that this is the only time I've had true + deep soul friends not show up for the friendship... When they are in a male body + they've been so conditioned by culture + society to believe that it is wrong to have emotions for any other female that is not their romantic partner.
I am so thankful for my soul friends. The really intense ones... there's only a handful that I've met so far, but them just being on this earth with me makes me feel more at ease.
They help me to know that I'm not crazy for believing and feeling into other worlds. That the kind of other-world experiences I feel subconsciously truly do exist, because here they are, in front of me, their eyes + hearts opening deep portals to spaces and times I can't see, but I feel. They connect me to the Universe in a bigger way.
So this morning, I wrote that soul friend an e-mail explaining my dream and how much I loved him.
I messaged a new soul friend that has come into my life and made it clear I want to connect with him.
I'm about to finish a painting I'm creating for another soul friend that has recently entered my life, just to give him some of the magic, I see him giving everyone else.
Basically... I'm reaching out. That is so important.
My loves, if you have soul friends right now in your life, and you're in any way scared to let them know how you feel... reach out.
Go past your comfort zone and get straight. Be real. In all likelihood, they feel it too, and maybe just don't know how to express it. Those soul connections will make up the fabric of your life. They will be the people you raise your babies with, or the people you see once a year, but whom are with you in your heart everyday. They will be your supporters, your lovers, and the ones who you can think of when someone is not being very nice to you. You'll be reminded that you are truly loved, wherever you are.
Please don't be afraid to jump in, and connect.
In my experience, some of them need time, they get scared, they shut down. But even those ones, they still circle my field. They're still present in some way, because they feel it too. And I feel it is truly a matter of time with those ones, that the walls get broken down, and they too, will enter that space of my truly cherished ones.
We are all equal. We can love anybody and everybody.
But we also have very specific connections for reasons still unknown to us.
So let this be a HOLLA to our soul families, our micro ones, our macro ones, the human family, and may we all one day, open up to the power of connection, emotion, and energy, that runs through us as souls.
Lots of love,