Wild Women Musings

I used to have mild depression…this is how i healed it

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I used to have mild depression. For years, I would go in and out of these very lethargic states. Some days I would lie in my bed for much of the day - feeling sad, feeling pain, or often-times, just feeling numb and unmotivated.

I remember, once when I was teaching at a retreat in Bali, I told the facilitators that I felt 'it' coming on again... the dark hole. I was scared to go in it. I was scared it would eat me and I wouldn't come out again for a long time.

And that was the last time I felt that way.

Because instead of eating me, I ate it. I ate the shadow spaces, I ate my pain, by surrendering to it, and letting it move through me.

Since that day, many years ago, I've not experienced depression. Sad days, tough weeks, yes - but if you've experienced depression, you know that this ever-pervading state is more than just a sad day, or a tough week.

I credit healing my depression to the teachings of the Dark Goddess.

The aspect of the Divine Feminine, who teaches us to allow our pain, anger, and intense feelings, without judgement.

Often in spiritual circles, we are guided to "think positively" non-stop.

Many of us are starting to figure out that this can actually do more harm than good - as if we're suppressing our deeper emotions, we end up in a constant state of resistance - which actually worsens the depression and causes us to have big mood swings.

We will be working closely with the Dark Goddess and Her teachings, in my free journey - Walking as Priestess. {Sign up for that below}

This is a 5 day free deep dive with Kali, Isis + Mary Magdalene, and will help you get to know the Goddess in all Her aspects - helping you to embrace all of your emotions so you can integrate more of your power + brilliance into your life!

Sexuality. I used to suppress it. Big time...

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Sexuality. ★ One of the juiciest energies in my life today, use to be one of the most foreign.

I grew up taught to believe that sex was between a man and wife... and that's the extent of what sexuality meant.

The climate of sexual suppression I grew up in, meant that, by the time I was 17, I remember telling my best friend: "I don't know what it feels like to be "turned on."

Now Im sure some nice church loving ladies would be thrilled by that statement, and feel that a 17 year old girl should absolutely not know what it feels like to be aroused...

But the wild woman in me thinks that's actually really sad.

Because the experience of being "turned on", is not just about wanting to have sex...


~ I can feel turned on by life, open to endless possibilities and new opportunities
~ I can feel turned on by my own body, dancing the night away feeling the flames of passion and joy ripple through my body as I move
~ I can feel turned on by a creative project, feeling so excited to create something beautiful, meaningful and new
~ AND... I can be turned on by a lover, letting my body and soul soften and open up to the sensuality of moving in rhythm with a beloved, his heart, his body...

I claim sexuality as sacred now. 
I've done a lot of work around this, and I have more to do.

But I am still SHOCKED, to this day, when I share my views on sex - that I hold it as sacred, even when it's raw, primal, and crazy - how many people ask... "What do you mean by that?"

I can witness how many of us hold so much shame around sexuality... owning our bodies, finding pleasure in our movements, energy, and forms...

This has been conditioned into us. By the church. By patriarchy.

But it's time it stops.

★ Our bodies are holy. 
★ Our sexuality is PURE. 
★ Sex can initiate us into the orgasmic creative power of the Universe. 
★ Sex literally CAME from God/dess.

...In order to witness a revolution around sexuality,
We must experience a revolution in ourselves....

Some ways that my own inner revolution has changed me + my habits:


~ For starters... I DEFINITELY know what it feels like to be turned on... but the feeling doesn't control me. I can allow it and let it flow in different ways... (Still working on this...)

~ I no longer get sexual with men who can't really see me, who don't really love me. Even if it means I don't have sex for long periods (and I really like to have sex...) - I will say NO, if my womb and heart tell me to. No matter how sexy the guy, in question is... I now have boundaries after many years of saying yes to the wrong men who gave me red flags from the start.

~ I feel sexy. Straight up. When I dance. When I feel my hair brush against my skin. When I walk in nature and get muddy and messy. This never used to be the case. I felt cute, at best. Sexy was never a word, or a feeling, I was familiar with. Now I'm confident, and feel comfortable in claiming my beauty - in a world where we are told not to claim our beauty or our sexuality, because it's 'arrogant' or 'slutty' (...gag). *For example, I NEVER would have posted a picture like the on above 5+ years ago... NEVER NEVER NEVER... Now? Fuck it... I like the picture :)

~ I allow the excitement and joy of sexual energy to fuel me... This creates an aura of happiness + magnetism in my field, that pulls in all sorts of fun things - new friends, plane tickets, synchronistic adventures, clients, and more.

Like I said, in order to get to this place, after having the whole idea of sexuality be completely foreign to me, I had to do a lot of 'work', a lot of breathing, a lot of dancing, a lot of questioning, a lot of journaling, a lot of working things out through relationship...

I'm offering a free ceremonial activation of your Sacred Sexuality
, with Mary Magdalene, in a free 5 day journey called Walking as Priestess. You can sign up below to receive it!

Are we honouring the Dark Goddess? Or bypassing...

"I just feel really agitated lately, since the Plant Medicine, Anytime someone is all in the "love everything" vibe, I just feel agitated."

"Me too," I echoed, chiming in, in solidarity, "Lately when people are like "Love, all is love, I love everyone and everything!", I'm like "I hate you", and then I think "Omg Beth!" - because that's so not me. I know it's just a process."

I felt a shift in the room.

Is hate a strong word? Yes. Was I in a healing workshop? Yes. But that's how I felt - how I'd been feeling. I didn't censor myself.

I was at a breathwork workshop, and we were at the end of the circle, sharing about our experiences and what we've been going through lately.

At the start of the journey, we were told - all emotions are welcome here, nothing is ugly, nothing is bad.

And yet, I could feel, from one person especially, sitting across from me, what I stated, was indeed 'wrong' or at least, very distasteful in some way. Some comments were then shared about what irritation is all about, or how to process it. The energy was - "Let's help you 'fix' this".

And this, my friends, is where we're at --- we talk about letting all emotions be OK, making space for them. Learning to love anger as we love light...

But we don't live it.

We don't embody it.

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Even me, as I left the workshop, I felt ashamed for sharing the potent energy inside of me. "I shouldn't have shared that, the space wasn't being held for me."

But even there, I caught myself, I was ashamed of my own powerful feelings. Thinking they must not be OK, if they triggered other people, by simply sharing them.

I had to breathe through those feelings for hours.

But sitting here now, I feel differently.

I have sacred rage inside of me.

And grief underneath that.

During a recent Plant Ceremony, I had a past life recall that was so intense, I could do nothing but cry like an animal, when it surfaced. I didn't even know I could make sounds like that.

And now, in the wake - yes I'm angry. Yes I have grief.

And yes, that's all OK. My soul has been through a lot. (Can you relate?)

...

It's time the healing community learns the difference between being in a genuine space of love, and simply spiritual bypassing, floating in the higher chakras.

If you state you are in a deep vibration of love, but cower back and judge another who is not feeling the same way - you are not in a true space of love, you're in an unintegrated state.

If you state you are in a deep vibration of love, and feel your heart grow wider, your compassion growing deeper, as someone shares the nitty gritty of their darker depths - you ARE in a space of love.

Is it a touch arrogant for me to be defining when someone is genuinely in a space of love, and when they aren't?

Maybe.

But what feels real is this - As spiritual brothers and sisters, it's time to honour the Dark Goddess.

Not from our minds.
Not as a concept.

But from an embodied knowingness.

She is the crazy bitch who takes you in the night and throws you deep in the pit of your own fears, to wake you the fuck up.

She is the one who stands at the gateways between birth and death - yonis splitting open in blood and screams. Last breaths being taken as souls return to the Mystery.

She is the one with unending compassion and love, who guides you to see your own bullshit so you can be who you truly are.

And 99% of the time - she ain't pretty.

I pray we grow, together, to appreciate Her and hold space for Her.

To not cower in fear or judgement when She speaks, when She roars.

For I truly believe, it is in honouring Her, that we will restore this Earth to balance.

So my dear, 
I leave you with this,
I honour your darkness, 
I honour the shadow that inhabits it, 
And I honour the sacredness of the void that lives inside of you.

You are not too much, 
What is inside of you, is not too much,
For me.

Menstrual Blood Ceremony...

Like most women, I used to lament getting my period. I'd use tampons and take painkillers to basically simulate the illusion that I wasn't bleeding. I didn't focus on taking time for myself to listen or to tune in, while bleeding. Because like most of us - I'd never been taught.

From the very beginning of getting my moon (what I call my period now) - I felt shame, and kept it as hidden as possible.

Fast forward to today - my continued awakening over the last 8 years reminded me of an ancient secret - one my body already knew. My bleeding phase is sacred, my blood is sacred.

Honestly where I stand today I don't know why most people are so 'grossed out' by menstrual blood - my moon in Scorpio, vampy self actually finds blood to be sexy, mysterious, dark, and primordial. The deep red hue connects us to something inside of us that's incredibly deep and wild.

Ancient cultures would use menstrual blood in sacred rites - aware of its power.

Women were not allowed in Native American sweats who were bleeding - not because they were 'dirty' - but because they believed the prayers from a woman who was bleeding would be much louder than everyone else's - she was that much closer to the mystery.

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Today I honour my blood and I give it back to the earth in ceremony. This is a picture from my most recent moon time ceremony, here in Peru.

I talk about this more in a free journey I am offering this month. In this journey, I share a video of how I do ritual with my blood. Sign up below! 🌹🕷❤️🌙

Time for greater authenticity in friendships...

Time for greater authenticity in friendships. 
Especially with females. 
I understand we have sisterhood wounding. 
And sometimes it's hard to get past. 
But I no longer have space for fake friends.

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Yes, I can feel you when you judge me. 
Or flip flop between wanting to tear me down + cheer for me. 
I can feel when your intentions for me are not the best. 
And I notice when you say you'll be there for me, 
But when it comes down to it, 
You aren't.

I don't care if you talk about spirituality, 
Or if your work is supporting women. 
I can read through the lines, 
Feel through your words.

I'm done pretending I cant, 
And I'm done making excuses for you.

I can have compassion, because I know it can be hard to let down our walls sometimes. 
But I will have to let you tear those walls down from afar. 
And ask you to call me when you've processed.

Because I'm coming into a space where I am clear about what I'm worth,
And how I deserve to be treated.

There is a difference between seeing someone as my mirror, 
Honouring my own shit,
And receiving triggers as medicine,

And ...

Letting someone in my field, 
Who is not actually supporting me, 
But pretending they are.

Thank you to my friends who unconditionally love and support me,  
And are honest with me about where you're at. 
Thank fully, there are quite a few of you, 
And I'm grateful.

I am learning, growing, changing, 
Once happy to let anyone in my field, 
Now, letting nature and my intuition tell me who is good for me, 
And who to let go of.

All this, said in loving boundaries, 
From someone who used to have 0.


Are feelings of "not-enoughness" getting you down?

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In the work that I do, I get the privilege of speaking to many people behind the scenes... I'm not sure how many readings and coaching sessions I have given at this point, but certainly to hundreds and hundreds of people, possibly a thousand.

With this, comes getting to know what's happening "behind the scenes". With my intention to hold safe space, many people tell me things they don't tell many of their friends.

And with this, I can most certainly say...

You are not alone.

Whatever struggle you're experiencing, whatever shadow in your soul is pushing you into psychosis, whatever wounds you have... you are not alone.

I speak to the people that seem to have it all.

I speak to the people that seem limitlessly confident.

I speak to the people who are wealthy and have successful businesses on the outside.

I speak to the people who have flawless photography.

And I hear them.

I hear their demons, their fears, their insecurities, their heart pain, their wounding.... I have the honour of knowing what's going on behind the scenes.

And though all of this information will stay forever confidential, what I've learned from it, will not.

We are more alike than we seem. 
Every single person is going through some sort of internal struggle. 
We all have times we don't feel good enough and compare. 
We all have dark nights of the soul.

And in this, we are unconditionally loved. It is my invitation for you, in this moment, to drop the comparing mind, if only just for this moment, and realize, how much is going on under the surface of the facade.

May we be brave enough to share our behind the scenes experiences so others don't feel so lonely. And may we be wise enough to see behind the scenes and know we are all one human heart, beating together.

No one is left behind.

I love you. 
Thank you for trusting me enough to share your depths. 
Thank you for your Spirit. 
Which is unconditionally loved, 
Held, 
And true.

Jailbreak into my dreams...

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Announce yourself unexpectedly

In my sleeping hours

For the thousandth time

Literally

 

I’ll push you away

As you do with me

But we both know

That will never work

 

Cosmic roots run too deep

But so does prejudice

And fear

In this earthly life

 

Whatever the lesson

The way to complete freedom

Show me

I surrender

 

Take me there Spirit

I am your willing participant

Unshackle the chains of attachment

Help me to plunge

Into the river of clarity


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Social Media Comparisons + Inside My Soul

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It's so easy to compare and compete
Matching up social media images
To perceived ideas of other's lives

But let me make it clear
As much as there is joy and purpose
Flowing through me
There is also a torrential downpour
Of collective pain
That stays with me
As I move around the world
Sleep in my cozy bed
And make food
For my body temple

And with this,
I open
To the work
Of transmuting

Part snake
Part mermaid
Part deep and dark
Part light and expansive
Everything exists within me


Demonize me
Or put me on a pedastal
But I'll always be
Just like you
A being
Who holds the entire Universe
Within


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