Good girls, this is for you.
Do you remember growing up? Quiet behaviour, soft speech and gentle actions were prized among us. Our parents and our teachers commended us for our 'good' behaviour - rewarded for rarely yelling or 'acting up'. We were depended on for being the meek, kind and shy voices in the group, even if we had leadership tendencies or the occasional riled up way of being.
Our grades? Good. Our manners? Good. And later, when we grew older... our sexual tendencies? Good. Whatever that means.
Well...
I was a 'good girl'.
Photo: Unknown
And when you're a good girl, all that anger has to go somewhere. The frustration, the upset, the loud words, the desire to yell and scream - we all have it. We're all human. But when we're raised in the paradigm that softness is rewarded and frustration is frowned upon, we can stuff our true feelings. However, these true feelings stay in our beings. Usually around the tummy area, or even in and around the heart. Sometimes the angry words which we long to say, but are told are 'bad', are stuffed. Our throats suffer. They get lodged.
So yesterday, this all came full circle for me. As it tends to do sometimes.
I awoke to a Christmas Eve morning, full of potential. My family was coming to visit me in Tofino, we were to have a great dinner and a beach walk later that evening. I still hadn't finished the fun task of Christmas shopping, and all in all, it was shaping up to be an amazing day.
So, I enjoyed the morning, and I spent some time in bed after opening my eyes, doing Reiki on my tummy and lower back, which were yearning for some attention. I could feel the heat, the cool, the movement, and the tingling of Reiki moving around in me, and I knew I was unlocking something.
Little did I know what I was unveiling!
Shortly after I slid out of bed and got in the shower, I was met with an uncontrollable anger, which rolled into sorrow and back again.
Now, I'm at the point in my practice when I can recognized pent up, hidden emotions.
When this happens, I know I have an opportunity for an extreme release, so I just go with it.
My old self, the one operating under the 'good girl' paradigm, would have said, 'NO! This is not a time for anger, this is Christmas Eve, and you are supposed to be happy. Stop acting out, and start thinking happy thoughts!' - Well, that doesn't work for me anymore. I've come to realize that the suppression of the very natural emotion of anger, has lodged it's way into my system, and now, I am all for letting it out.
So, instead of censoring myself, and instead of going by the 'shoulds' (I should be happy, I should be positive, I should be kind, it's Christmas Eve!) I just went for it. All in the very safe container of angelic assistance, I asked that my anger and temper tantrum harm no one, but that the outburst be sent straight to God (I use the terms God, Goddess, Spirit, Universe, etc interchangeably). This is a very important part of the release. When you get to the point in your practice when you realize that there's nothing actually wrong with anger, it just needs to be channeled responsibly, then please keep this in mind! We don't want to be sending negative energy and attacks to people, we just want to feel it, and release.
Photo: Jennifer Vahlbruch
Instead, we can ask that Archangel Michael surround us in his blue light, to ensure that no one is harmed in the release of our pent up rage. We can send it straight to God. (And sometimes, this can even sound like 'I hate you God') This is safe. The Universe will always love you and accept you. Our safe container, as good girls gone wild, is in the arms of the divine. Even if you feel like Source energy is a piece of shit when you're in that space, say that, don't direct it at any person, place or thing, without a bubble of accepting light around you.
So I did that. For at least a few hours I screamed, I cried, I raved, I ranted. I let it out. And for the whole day, the raw, exposed, vulnerable part of me, was there. The suppressed anger that my good girl has collected over the years.
But since I just went for it, crying, screaming, stomping, it was a release. And it felt damn good.
It didn't matter that it was Christmas Eve. It didn't matter that I had lots to be grateful for. In that moment, all that mattered, was that I got honest with myself. I'm fucking angry. And I'm gonna say it.
Today, I feel better, clearer, lighter.
I've honoured myself, I've moved long held suppressed emotions.
I said 'No thank you!' to the shoulds, and 'Yes please!', to the rawness of my being.
One note I should make is that it's important to know the difference between a release, and an ego party. A release feels cathartic, like you really, really, need to get this out. An ego party feels icky, like the more you rant, the shittier you feel. Again: Release? Feels good, kind of like your bleeding on a battlefield your deepest wounds out of you kind of good, but good none the less. Ego Party? Icky. When it doubt, just let it out.
So dear ones, especially you good girls out there. When you feel it, express it.
When the anger comes up, don't stuff it down anymore. Let it out. Stomp your feet on the ground. Scream. Cry like a maniac. It's all good. It's human. It's beautiful. And it will free you. Use your spiritual tools, even in those moments. Do it in the safe container of Spirit, and allow your anger to just pour out of you.
Your wild self will thank you.
Merry Christmas loved ones,
You are so loved, and so heard,