For years I have been aware of a longing so strong, that it surpasses words or explanation. A man triggered this in me, and for so long, I was certain that it was this particular man I longed for.
Thankfully he did not give me what I thought I wanted, and recently after a year of largely ignoring the situation, I have come to look at it head on and ask what is truly needed here.
And as such, I have been asked to deep dive into the pit of my own longing.
My longing is for my inner beloved, it is for the throws of ecstatic bliss and alchemical magic that comes from inner union, when the Masculine and Feminine truly align, harmonize, and surrender into one another to become a sacred third... Union.
My ego mind resisted this truth for a long time. It is so much easier to long for someone outside of ourselves, and numb the pain of not getting it... Than to quest within and to honour that what we crave occurs on the inner planes.
The ego hates the answer that what we are looking for is within. it likes tangible. It likes a chase. And it likes drama.
I've had recurring dreams where I pursue a beloved for years now, and he is never available, always outside of my reach.
What I now see clearly is these dreams have been showing me that I have been carrying a story of being unworthy, of not being enough, of not meeting the mark in some way.
These stories have manifested in my external life in repeated rejection from the men that I truly love + see.
This rejection has forced me to own my own stories, and let them go.
What appears to be poison on the outside, is medicine on the inside, if we're willing to take the plunge.
I choose to step into the deep darkness of my own consciousness and claim my worthiness so I can meet and unify with my Inner Beloved.
He lives within me. This is the practice of the Ancient Mystery Schools of Ancient Egypt. To unify the polarities within us, and embody ecstatic sacred inner union.
Those who have activated this inner union radiate a power and presence that is hard to ignore.
And it is this sacred inner union that magnetizes a beloved in the physical realms that can meet our truest, deepest, darkest, lightest, and fullest wishes.
To the path...
I walk not for the outcome on the material plane...
But for the glory of that which resides on the inner...