Personal Revelations

Are we honouring the Dark Goddess? Or bypassing...

"I just feel really agitated lately, since the Plant Medicine, Anytime someone is all in the "love everything" vibe, I just feel agitated."

"Me too," I echoed, chiming in, in solidarity, "Lately when people are like "Love, all is love, I love everyone and everything!", I'm like "I hate you", and then I think "Omg Beth!" - because that's so not me. I know it's just a process."

I felt a shift in the room.

Is hate a strong word? Yes. Was I in a healing workshop? Yes. But that's how I felt - how I'd been feeling. I didn't censor myself.

I was at a breathwork workshop, and we were at the end of the circle, sharing about our experiences and what we've been going through lately.

At the start of the journey, we were told - all emotions are welcome here, nothing is ugly, nothing is bad.

And yet, I could feel, from one person especially, sitting across from me, what I stated, was indeed 'wrong' or at least, very distasteful in some way. Some comments were then shared about what irritation is all about, or how to process it. The energy was - "Let's help you 'fix' this".

And this, my friends, is where we're at --- we talk about letting all emotions be OK, making space for them. Learning to love anger as we love light...

But we don't live it.

We don't embody it.

image2.JPG

Even me, as I left the workshop, I felt ashamed for sharing the potent energy inside of me. "I shouldn't have shared that, the space wasn't being held for me."

But even there, I caught myself, I was ashamed of my own powerful feelings. Thinking they must not be OK, if they triggered other people, by simply sharing them.

I had to breathe through those feelings for hours.

But sitting here now, I feel differently.

I have sacred rage inside of me.

And grief underneath that.

During a recent Plant Ceremony, I had a past life recall that was so intense, I could do nothing but cry like an animal, when it surfaced. I didn't even know I could make sounds like that.

And now, in the wake - yes I'm angry. Yes I have grief.

And yes, that's all OK. My soul has been through a lot. (Can you relate?)

...

It's time the healing community learns the difference between being in a genuine space of love, and simply spiritual bypassing, floating in the higher chakras.

If you state you are in a deep vibration of love, but cower back and judge another who is not feeling the same way - you are not in a true space of love, you're in an unintegrated state.

If you state you are in a deep vibration of love, and feel your heart grow wider, your compassion growing deeper, as someone shares the nitty gritty of their darker depths - you ARE in a space of love.

Is it a touch arrogant for me to be defining when someone is genuinely in a space of love, and when they aren't?

Maybe.

But what feels real is this - As spiritual brothers and sisters, it's time to honour the Dark Goddess.

Not from our minds.
Not as a concept.

But from an embodied knowingness.

She is the crazy bitch who takes you in the night and throws you deep in the pit of your own fears, to wake you the fuck up.

She is the one who stands at the gateways between birth and death - yonis splitting open in blood and screams. Last breaths being taken as souls return to the Mystery.

She is the one with unending compassion and love, who guides you to see your own bullshit so you can be who you truly are.

And 99% of the time - she ain't pretty.

I pray we grow, together, to appreciate Her and hold space for Her.

To not cower in fear or judgement when She speaks, when She roars.

For I truly believe, it is in honouring Her, that we will restore this Earth to balance.

So my dear, 
I leave you with this,
I honour your darkness, 
I honour the shadow that inhabits it, 
And I honour the sacredness of the void that lives inside of you.

You are not too much, 
What is inside of you, is not too much,
For me.

Time for greater authenticity in friendships...

Time for greater authenticity in friendships. 
Especially with females. 
I understand we have sisterhood wounding. 
And sometimes it's hard to get past. 
But I no longer have space for fake friends.

DSC_9852 2.jpg

Yes, I can feel you when you judge me. 
Or flip flop between wanting to tear me down + cheer for me. 
I can feel when your intentions for me are not the best. 
And I notice when you say you'll be there for me, 
But when it comes down to it, 
You aren't.

I don't care if you talk about spirituality, 
Or if your work is supporting women. 
I can read through the lines, 
Feel through your words.

I'm done pretending I cant, 
And I'm done making excuses for you.

I can have compassion, because I know it can be hard to let down our walls sometimes. 
But I will have to let you tear those walls down from afar. 
And ask you to call me when you've processed.

Because I'm coming into a space where I am clear about what I'm worth,
And how I deserve to be treated.

There is a difference between seeing someone as my mirror, 
Honouring my own shit,
And receiving triggers as medicine,

And ...

Letting someone in my field, 
Who is not actually supporting me, 
But pretending they are.

Thank you to my friends who unconditionally love and support me,  
And are honest with me about where you're at. 
Thank fully, there are quite a few of you, 
And I'm grateful.

I am learning, growing, changing, 
Once happy to let anyone in my field, 
Now, letting nature and my intuition tell me who is good for me, 
And who to let go of.

All this, said in loving boundaries, 
From someone who used to have 0.


Are feelings of "not-enoughness" getting you down?

IMG_5963.jpg

In the work that I do, I get the privilege of speaking to many people behind the scenes... I'm not sure how many readings and coaching sessions I have given at this point, but certainly to hundreds and hundreds of people, possibly a thousand.

With this, comes getting to know what's happening "behind the scenes". With my intention to hold safe space, many people tell me things they don't tell many of their friends.

And with this, I can most certainly say...

You are not alone.

Whatever struggle you're experiencing, whatever shadow in your soul is pushing you into psychosis, whatever wounds you have... you are not alone.

I speak to the people that seem to have it all.

I speak to the people that seem limitlessly confident.

I speak to the people who are wealthy and have successful businesses on the outside.

I speak to the people who have flawless photography.

And I hear them.

I hear their demons, their fears, their insecurities, their heart pain, their wounding.... I have the honour of knowing what's going on behind the scenes.

And though all of this information will stay forever confidential, what I've learned from it, will not.

We are more alike than we seem. 
Every single person is going through some sort of internal struggle. 
We all have times we don't feel good enough and compare. 
We all have dark nights of the soul.

And in this, we are unconditionally loved. It is my invitation for you, in this moment, to drop the comparing mind, if only just for this moment, and realize, how much is going on under the surface of the facade.

May we be brave enough to share our behind the scenes experiences so others don't feel so lonely. And may we be wise enough to see behind the scenes and know we are all one human heart, beating together.

No one is left behind.

I love you. 
Thank you for trusting me enough to share your depths. 
Thank you for your Spirit. 
Which is unconditionally loved, 
Held, 
And true.

And there you are in my newsfeed, with your sexy smile...

IMG_0723.jpg

 

Oh and there you are in my newsfeed
Popping up with your sexy smile
Even though we are friends
I was interested in more
And you politely declined

And there I witness that part of me
That yearns for validation
Oh if you liked me
Then I would be sexy too

And so we do this
For I know I’m not alone
Searching the world for people
To validate our self-worth

Temporary highs, we gain
And yet, inevitably
If I adhere to the old way
Of validation from the outside

When they don’t like me
Or I say something “wrong”
I come crashing down

But everytime I crash
I grow stronger and smarter
For I dont like that feeling at all

Here I am, in all my glory, whole
Like you, like us all, 
And I can no longer afford,

To wiggle my way into your graces
That are so temporary
That are so… unsatisfying

I’m amazing
Not because you say I am
Or don’t
Not because I’m better than
Or less

But because I’m a child of the Universe
With stars running through my veins
And a beating cosmic heart lives inside of me
A testament
To the unconditional love

That I am


GoldenEagleFeather.gif

Why I cried in the Louvre in Paris...

20171214_151244.jpg

I walked into the Louvre with one single intent: to visit the Ancient Egyptian collection. As I passed through the famed glass pyramid and descended into the matrix that is the museum, I marveled at the sheer breadth of this storehouse of antiquities. 

Walking through collection after collection, I did not stop until I reached the green sign that let me know that I’d found my intended location: The home of Ancient Egyptian Antiquities. 

My eyes immediately found the eye of Horus, painted and shaped with turquoise and black. I meandered then into the next room, which housed ancient sarcophagi - most painted with Isis, the Ancient Egyptian Mother Goddess who lives still, in and through, so many of us. 

As I gazed into the images painted on the ancient wood, I felt my heart connect with the Ancients. A well of emotion rose within me and I started crying, quickly wrapping my pink scarf around my head to give me a bit of privacy, as fellow museum-goers moved all around me. In the well of emotion, I knew something to be true - I missed Egypt. What Egypt was. I desperately missed life among my Priestesses and brothers of Isis and Hathor, Osiris and Horus. My heart broke open, until I was reminded of something Mary Magdalane told me etherically while in her Grotto in Southern France, “don’t long for the past, the present houses what you truly desire and need”. 

I breathed in and continued to walk around the room. Again I stared at another image of Isis, and was met by a wave of remembrance. This time, the remembrance showed me hatred I still carried in my being, which still deeply affected me to this day. It is hard to admit, but I hated my sisters in that moment. Not all of them. But I remembered the dissolving of the sanctuaries we’d created, how some women chose to “sell out”, in the terminology we use today. How they paraded their positions of power or Priestessing to the Patriarchal elite, for safety, luxury, or more power, diminishing the true aspect of who we were as devotees to the Divine Feminine. Confusing the publics view of how to return home to the heart space, and convoluting everything we had worked for. 

isis_winged.gif


Again, I started crying, as I am now as I type this. I felt where I had stored this hatred, deep in my root chakra. I felt how this comes up in my life as Im wary of fellow sisters, especially those in a position of leadership, as I now understood on deeper levels, I subconsciously question the integrity of many whom I meet. 

I also noticed the way I judge this pattern in me. Part of me enacting the fear, and part of me judging it, because that’s not the way I’m supposed to relate to my fellow women. 

All of this came up and I wept, but after I left the Louvre, I knew something had been cleared. I remembered more of myself. And I know that something was lifted yesterday. I know I’ll continue to see remnants of this pattern come up in my life - mistrust in powerful sisters - but now I can have more compassion for this shadow side, because I know it’s not from a place of malevolence. Deep down, it’s from a desire for clarity, and integrity. And in compassion for my shadow, I can heal it. 

Blessings be to all beings, and may we open to the true codes of remembrance that are offered to us, everyday.


On judging my sisters...

IMG_0513 copy.jpg

I’m in the South of France right now, and have been calling on Mary Magdalene’s energy a lot. Her energy is strong here, as these are the lands she landed on after fleeing her Middle Eastern homelands, after the death of her Beloved, Jesus.

When I was in the bath the other night, I called on her presence and felt her energy with me. She asked me to open up to my sisters even more, to have less judgement for them, and to go deeper into healing the wounds of separation between us.

For a mili-second, I wanted another message, as I do love receiving guidance that’s, well.. not pointing out things I need to work on. But then I got over it and realized, she was very right, and in that moment I chose to come into my next level of opening.

You see… I’m too harsh with my sisters, I’ll admit it, mostly online. This shows up when I see fellow coaches, I’ll come up with reasons why their work isn’t as authentic as mine, or I’ll point out energy I can feel in their field that isn’t as resonant with love as it could be. 

But guess what. That’s me, and that’s my own insecurities talking. Big time. Underneath the judgement lies that sneaky little fear that says I’m not good enough. And sometimes when other people shine, that part of me feels threatened. That fear likes to come up in a big haughty voice, overcompensating - and declaring she’s ‘better’ than other people, more authentic, more real…. Funny how that works. Believe me I’m cringing a bit as I write this. My truth knows a much different story, but I’m being honest. These are the things that still play out inside of me.

So right here, right now, I declare to step it up. 

I choose to open to my sisters more deeply, and in the last few days, I’ve been catching myself when I veer into judgment. Most of the time, I find I’m in judgement when someone is actually really badass and doing great things. So I’ve been practicing going into the energy of celebrating. Celebrating that sister for what’s she’s putting out there, and her energy. And I can tell you, it feels ALOT better, a lot lighter. When I judge, I create a problem inside of myself.. friction. The moment I veer into celebration instead, that ‘problem’ goes away, and all is well. 

This is the path. I won’t be perfect at this, but everyday I’ll do better. Because the truth is that every woman, and even every man and child, is a badass, amazing soul. And it’s my job to see that. Each and every day. 


The King Lives Within

IMG_9938.jpg

And there it is

The part of me

That can feel your lips

On mine

Tantalizing me

Of a future

I cannot yet see

 

But there in that moment

I have a choice

To put my energy outward

And search in longing

Or to call upon my warrior within

Proud brave and true

He lives inside me

Just like you

I call upon him to merge

With my feminine essence

Knowing I am male and female

 

And as I bring him in

Call him out

He teaches me

I don't need you

I want you

But I don't need you

There is a difference

Oh my dear

There is

A big

Difference

 

And so I will play

Getting to know the man within

For he'll always be with me

He is my true King

He embodies all

All the masculinity there is

And you

Are a function

Of Him

 

Not to diminish you

For your light is true

But to claim you as King

Would not be real

 

For the King and the Queen

Already live

Happily in my heart

It is I who must feed them

And make sure

They're never apart

The water is turquoise and perfect. ~ His amber eyes are full of presence

IMG_0139.jpg

You know those moments
Where everything just falls into place

The water is turquoise and perfect
His amber eyes are full of presence
The sun hits my skin just right
And it feels a little
Like heaven

And yet
You know it's fleeting
Life will continue to flow
This way and that
And the moment slips through our fingers
Never meant to last
Because life
Does not work like that

I decided
Today
I would not worry
or fret
About what was
Or what is to be

But I would let myself understand
That it is me
That makes life
Happy

I am the center
Of all I live
And in every moment
I choose to see
Divine perfection

Deciding not to long for days past
But to embrace the tides

Years ago
I would have been content
To dwell
In longing

But I'm changed now
I know too much
Life is too good
To waste
Longing for
What was

Let's open to the flow
It's only natural for things to go
But this moment offers everything
Just as it always has

Just as it always will

egypt.jpg
1yess.png
1mermaid.png