Last Night, I Had A Dark Night Of The Soul...

Last night, I had a dark night of the soul...

What's that?

A dark night of the soul is a term, used for centuries (if not longer), by those on the path inward. It denotes a period - whether that be a night, a week, a month, or even a year - where a fervour of fear, anxiety, or depression hits you, leaving you wholly exhausted by the burden of your own life. 

Not for the faint of heart, yes, but everyone experiences the dark night of the soul, whether we're on a spiritual path or not.

The reason why the term is coined by those on an inward journey, though, is once you start this kind of spiritual awakening - you can't stop. And the force of your path will inevitably guide you into parts of yourself that are in total darkness.

Photo of me by Marnie Recker

We're often brought into our shadows to heal them - and sometimes, we're brought a lot a deeper than we're used to going. 

That happened to me last night. 

After being struck by my moon time (what I like to call my period) - I had spent most of the day in bed, and as the night descended, I began to feel stuck and out of sorts. 

Life seemed to close in on me as I realized how lonely I was without my soul family. How sad I was that someone close to me is suffering from depression. How powerless I felt in a world that I wanted to help so dearly.  All these fears, these concerns that I know are there, but usually don't bother me that much, closed in on me like a vampire bent on suffocation. 

I started to cry vehemently, not a soft trickle of tears, and not even a deep release that just feels good - but a full on wailing that would have been quite worrying to any passerbys. 

Very often the thought "I don't want to be here anymore", came to me, and as I tried in desperation to calm myself, my only resources were to hug myself strongly, and to ask the Universe for HELP!

Exhausted, I tried to go to sleep, but the cramps from my lower belly pulsated with pain, and since I'm not in the practice of taking medication, I let them rage on as they kept me up.

I asked the angels for a sign that they were there with me, and I felt tingles and pinpricks all over my body, especially concentrated around my feet. 

Finally, I drifted off, and in the middle of the night, I awoke after vivid dreams of eagles and dark dungeons. (Eagles signify a higher awareness, and the ability to see the broader picture)

And that's when I realized. The pain had broke.

It was like a fever. That moment where your body finally gets to the peak of it's desperation and breaks. The cramps were gone. The mental anguish had disappeared. The ache in my soul had dissipated, thought hints of it were there, I could tell I had made it through. 

Slipping back into sleep, on and off, I finally got out of bed around 2:30 in the afternoon. 

I felt so much better, but I knew I had to do something. 

. . .

As I lay there last night, so encompassed in my own pain, I said to myself, "I need to write about this."

Technically speaking, I'm a life coach for spiritually minded young women. But what good does a title like 'life coach' do if I don't share my life? The ups and the downs.

Last night was intense, and in those moments, kind of torturous. But all in all, it was a beautiful experience.

It was a reminder that no matter how entrenched I feel in the circumstances of my life, or by the limitations of my own mind - I can, and will, come out of it. 

And when I do, I know I can share my experiences to help others, who inevitably will experience their own dark nights of the soul.

So the next time fear has entrapped you and you feel like you can't get out - connect with this story, and know that there are so many people out there experiencing the exact same thing.

We're in this together.

Let your moments move through you, but don't let them define you.

Know that life is a river - keep moving with it - the rapids, the stillness, and everything in between.

So that's what I did today. Finally when I got out of bed, I had a shower, threw a pink tube top on, and head out the door with my computer in hand. 

... The sun was out.

. . .

Much love, and many blessings to you on your journey, 

xo Beth

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Feeling Sexy + Sultry: Where is the Sacred Masculine?

So... recently, I've had some rather frustrating situations with men in my life.

While also mildly hilarious, overall, they have highlighted a deep desire within me to have the masculine 'Show Up' in my life, as I've become keenly aware of so many times I felt unsupported, or even disregarded, by the other sex.

Well I am happy to tell you I've just had a MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH, and I am super stoked to share! Who doesn't love breakthroughs?

Over the last few months, I have felt my desire for masculine energy in my life escalate.

And by masculine energy... let's just tell it like it is. My loins were on fire. Seriously ladies, I have never felt the desire for super awakening sex like I have since October. 

Prior to my long term relationship, I was in my teenage years. So a) Much of my sexual energy had been deeply unexplored b) When it rose up and wanted to be fed, it usually resulted in me going out to the bar, drinking with my girlfriends, and making out on the dance floor.

Being woken up, empowered, (and now mostly a non drinker), this time, needed to be quite different.

How would I navigate the landscape of sexuality with this new mindset? How could I honour and respect my primal needs and desires, while also honouring the whisperings of my heart, and the sensitivity that dwelled within me?

And why did all of this feel so goddam hard? 

Men just weren't showing up. Well they were, but they weren't actually if you get what I'm saying. 

They weren't communicating. They were giving mixed signals. They were reaching out, and then running away. They were dropping the ball. They weren't manning up.

And this really got to me, as so many of my prayers revolved around attracting that which fulfilled me. Satisfying sexual encounters that were both holy + sacred, unattached + yet fully united. Open + flowing. Uncontrolled + primal. Deep. Cosmic. Spiritual. An honouring of the sacred masculine and the divine feminine. 

But alas, this lady, try though she might, was not getting what she was looking for. Many I talked to said I was reaching for more than others could give. That this type of union simply didn't exist in this day and age. That men were men, and they were flakes. That if I wanted sex, fine, but don't expect it to mean anything. 

And so I waited, waited for something that made sense. Waited for an AHA moment, that would deliver me from confused and wanting, to powerful and honouring. 

Well, my dears, the AHA moment has arrived. 

After a frustrating situation yesterday, when again, I felt as though the masculine had dropped the ball, and not shown up (details spared, basis of the situation - shared) - I felt an undulating heat and disappointment for the masculine.

The feminine wounds within me writhed. It felt like I had arrived at an institution of higher learning, and I had prepared in depth - proud and excited of my work - ready to share, I showed up with all materials in hand, only to discover that it was a men's club, and they wouldn't take me seriously. 

Another way I saw it, this morning, was a battlefield. The powerful women warriors had shown up, but the army they were fighting was great. We needed the hundreds of males in the distance to come and help us. But they didn't. We were left alone, to fend for ourselves. 

So much of this is so abstract, so deeply personal, but hopefully you'll be able to sense the sensitive undercurrent running below. The feelings of being left behind, being unwanted, not received, not respected, by our counterparts. 

And then it hit me.

This morning, all of this turned hilarious. In between shouts of 'GODDAMIT WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING MEN', I likewise, had bouts of mild histeria. I thought all of this was hilarious. I could truly step back and witness the situation, and through my comedic translation of said events, an enormous amount of clarity rushed through me. 

Through my own independence, my own wilfulness, and pride at being a woman, I had blocked out the masculine. Though I felt drawn to him, and wanted him in my life, I had been acting and thinking in a way of 'Don't need no man for no thang.'

But guess what. It dawned upon me, I actually DO need a man. 

And not just any man. 

MY man. 

My own inner man. My inner masculine. I had been so excited about channeling the Goddess, the beautiful, sensual creature of the female, that I had shunned my inner sacred masculine. 

It was in that moment that I felt both the deep craving for the masculine, and the unforgiveness I had harboured against him, both as an individual, and as a part of the collective female psyche.

Through my anger at how the unbalanced masculine has shown up in the world, I had failed to acknowledge the positive aspects of the him, that I both deeply needed, and deeply craved. 

So I did what I always do when I need help. I prayed.

I recited, over and over, my mantra of forgiveness for the masculine. I felt my deep attraction to him, and let it be OK. I prayed that my inner selves would be united, that my sacred masculine, and my divine feminine could forgive one another. That I could experience unity in the self. 

I realized that, for the last few months - not getting what I wanted and encountering men who were just not showing up - had everything to do with the separation of masculine + feminine within myself. 

After that, I called upon my masculine. 

I channeled his energy from up within me, and something magical happened. 

I felt safe, and protected. I felt like he had me. I felt his presence, calm and steady. All that delicious energy that men do so well, (you know, like being all sexy and strong, steady, and deeply rooted) was rising up within. And I felt turned on. By my own self! My own masculine!

Eureka!

All this "What you're looking for is in yourself" stuff is so not bullshit!

Excellent. 

So dear ones, I will work with this new insight. This understanding that my own masculine is delicious and true, and worthy, and I am so, so ready to forgive him. When we unite, then, and only then, will the sacred masculine truly be able to show up in my outer world as well.

He is what I need. He is what I want. 

And all of Him, is within me. 

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May your sacred masculine + your divine feminine merge. And may they make delicious, sweet love, in your uncompromisingly deep soul.

xo Beth

Ps. Upon finishing this blog post, a man has shown up and sat at my booth at the coffee shop. HAHA. Shit's working already ;) :D

Pps. Another one just sat down. This is amazing. Inner masculine, you are the bomb. 

The Sacred Truth - What is a Witch?

I remember being mildly fascinated, and also mildly terrified, of witches as a child.

Often, as a girl of 4 or 5, I would feel strange spirits in my closet - they frightened me - and I would regularly tell my mother about the witches in my bedroom. The only song I remember writing as a child, when I was also around that same age, went like this: “Witches, witches, 1 2 3, witches witches, come for me”. 

The interesting thing about this, is by 4 or 5 I had already bought into the mainstream way of viewing witches - as evil vixens, sometimes hags, complete with green skin, warts, and weird bubbling cauldrons they were concocting in order to ensnare innocents wandering around their lair. 

The truth about witches is that, yes they were, and are, very real.

But the magic they use is misunderstood. Rather than relying on some crafted mechanism such as wands or cauldrons for power, they rely on the power of their thoughts, their feelings, sometimes their tools, but most importantly, their consciousness and their alignment with Source energy.

They have an intimate understanding of the natural ways, and are innately drawn to the offerings of the earth and the stars. Each are born with intrinsic gifts, that when watered with time, perseverance, and mentorship, can lead to astounding pursuits. 

Witches have a unique connection to the Otherworld that guides them to commune with spirit guides, angels, ancestors, plants, and the forces of nature. They are eagerly interested in herbal medicine, the dreamtime, the healing arts, ritual, astrology, and the effect that the mind can have on any given situation.

They’re connected to the darkness, and understand that the terms ‘dark’ and ‘negative’ are not, in fact, synonymous - it is simply a collective fear of the unknown that has sparked such a comparison. They’ve discovered that through the simplicity of the Law of Attraction, they can work with the Universe to affect great change.

And, maybe most importantly, they are keenly and unabashedly loyal to the Divine Feminine. 

This type of power (that of the Goddess) was feared by the patriarchal society that sprung up thousands of years ago, and lead to the demise and belittling of the sacred witch - the medicine woman, the healer, the priestess, the wild woman. During the witch hunts of 1450-1800, an estimated 100 000 women were killed. 

Today we would call these women herbalists, healers, storytellers, and astrologists, but still, the indwelling magic of something greater than that exists. We, as the women who are innately drawn to these realms, still belong to the ancient coven of witches. 

And many of us are undeniably bat-shit fearful of it.

Some of us have past life memories, whether we consciously remember them or not, of being pursued and killed for our involvement with the otherworld. Churches, of many faiths, have repeatedly condemned any path that strays from connecting solely with one masculine God for our truths. (We know, as witches, that the One, a Source, really does exist, yet we honour that said force has many ways of expressing itself) 

It is no gimmick, and no small thing, the path of the witch.

For many of us, these subconscious memories spark pain, causing us to shy away from what we know we are sublimely talented at, and reach for more mundane, less risky choices. Powerful healers + teachers everywhere are working 9-5s they feel bland in, too afraid to step out of the mainstream and rekindle their connection with the wild woman.

If you are one of these women, bless you, and know that it is not so scary as you may think to step back out again and pick up where you left off. The rush of being on the leading edge of creation, working with our guides and shifting energy to allow the wild woman back in, is a journey far greater and more exciting than the fear that is holding you back.

Simply say a prayer to the divine feminine that runs through us all:

‘Please guide me to release any and all fears I am holding on to, that are blocking me from embodying my wild woman. I am consciously choosing to open back up to my natural gifts. Please show me the way.’

Say this prayer a few times, perhaps even for a few days, aloud, and with vigor. She hears you. She will answer. Just be patient, and observant, while the forces within work their mysteries. 

As women, and yes, as witches, we have the opportunity, and the challenge, to rise above our current paradigm. 

We have the opportunity, and the challenge, to choose our fullness and radiate acceptance, while we rekindle our sacred gifts. 

And we have the opportunity to be together while doing it.

We belong to our sisters. 

And if, by now, you are still left wondering ‘Well.. Am I a witch?’ Here’s a clue...

If you want to be a witch. You are one. 

Much love + magical mysteries, 

See you on the other side. 

xo Beth

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How to Deal with Judgement Thoughts Towards Other Women

Judgement. What a big one. This post is not intended to be a quick fix cure all for those critical thoughts, but an introduction to tools that we can all use to invite more love into the equation.

It doesn't feel good to be judged. And it doesn't feel good to judge. But in a society of young women raised on Cosmopolitan, Mean Girls, and cut throat competition, it's no wonder that we all suffer from this frankly, quite depressing, aspect of separation. 

So when we first start to become conscious, and become more mindful of our thoughts + how they make us feel, we can tend to be overwhelmed by the quantity of judgement thoughts. I know I was. But when I truly started seeing all the chitter chatter that criticized and nitpicked, I did something that didn't exactly help the situation:

I judged the thoughts. 

I would get upset with myself for being a 'bad person'. And I would literally yell at myself inside my head to stop. It took me at least a few months to realize that this behaviour was taking me away from my goal of more self-love + love for the women I was with. Judging judgement simply creates more of it. 

So that brings me to the first step. The next time you find a thought that you're not jiving with, head straight to forgiveness. Forgive yourself when the thoughts come up. Forgive. Compassionately. With zest. Forgive.

You can say mentally "I am wiling to forgive myself for this thought. I know it's simply conditioning and past experiences that have brought me here, and I am now willing to change. I choose the voice of love instead."

Once you've forgiven yourself for the thought, I recommend finding one thing that is beautiful about the person you have judged. Whether that's yourself or someone else. If this is hard for you, all the more reason to do it. You have to remember that the world is our reflection. When we are finding things we dislike in other women, we are really just disliking ourselves. So finding qualities of beauty in that babe is simply going to remind you of your own goodness. Likewise, when focused on the self, finding points of grace within will help you to be more loving with everyone else in your life. 

Step 1. Forgive. Step 2. Find One Thing That is Beautiful.

We have to remember that we are dealing with deep collective wounds that women share. Not only have we been denied equal stance with our brothers for centuries, but we've also been pitted against each other in the collective unconscious.

Remember that women, in the past, weren't given opportunities to create money, own land, or even vote, therefore, the entirety of their security, survival and safety, was placed on their ability to secure a husband. And a well off husband at that. Imagine the competition that ensued from such a scenario. It is so sad to think about the shadow sides of the feminine. But it is so necessary to go here at times, so that we can remember that compassion is needed for the wounds to heal.

Be honest about your vulnerabilities and your fears. Forgive yourself for your judgment. Understand that it's engrained, yet we are here to wash away old patterning and channel a new energy of love and oneness into the world. 

Find the beauty in your sisters. Find the beauty in yourself. 

And of course, don't forget to ask your angels for help. Archangel Jophiel and Archangel Ariel are feminine powerhouses that can help you whenever you need.

Simply say "Archangel ________, please guide to me to choose higher thoughts of love about other women, and about myself. Please guide my thoughts in a way that reflects our oneness. Thank you for helping me to forgive myself, and to forgive others.'

xo Beth

Mining for Gold: An Interview with Nisha Moodley

As many of you know, I've recently transitioned my web zone over from wavesoffire.ca + igniteyourtruth.blogspot.com, to one happy, centered, and aligned space - bethkatherine.com (wootwoot!). This means though, that the blog posts I wrote previous to November of this year (and theres a lot of them!) are getting left behind. 

Well, that won't do! ;) :D

So I've decided to mine some of that work, looking for the gold - looking for what I want to highlight. The thoughts and words that still have as much relevance now as they did then (and maybe even more!).

This post was originally shared on February 26th, 2013 - it's an interview with Nisha Moodley, one of my ultimate sheroes. Nisha is a) A total genius, b) A total babe and c) A total cheerleader for all things woman.

 

She's a life coach for ambitious entrepreneurs and next generation thought leaders, who need help refining their message, rocking it in business, while having lots of play and down time to keep things balanced + luxurious. 

Her ultimate message is that the world will be set free by women who are free.

Check out her website at www.fiercefabulousfree.com and make sure to sign up for her emails! They're that good. 

What would your advice be to a young woman who is still in her "old life", yet wants to transition to a lifestyle that feels more authentic to her?

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Photo of Nisha: Abi Q Photography

Your freedom is in the journey, not the destination. Instead of being frustrated at where you are, notice where you want to go and really, really savour all the little steps. There can be deep pleasure in the moment, if you're open to it.

Also, have amazing girlfriends that you give your full trust to. 

Share the things you think and feel about yourself that you're ashamed or embarrassed about; you'll find that you're more connected than you think, and these women will serve as your cheerleaders, tear-driers and mirrors throughout your journey. Women thrive in sisterhood.

What was one of your biggest life changing experiences over the last few years?

Divorce. It was the worst thing I've endured in my adult life so far, and it definitely showed me that I'm stronger and more resilient than I gave myself credit for. It also showed me things about myself that I didn't want to acknowledge were there. Shadow and light. I was faced with it all, and thank goodness I had amazing friends to help see me through.

What is the secret to a sustainable business?

Having sustainable human beings running it, and a focus on being of service.

When we're not sustainable as individuals (healthy body, mind, bank account and relationships), we can easily fall into a what-can-I-get mindset.

When we're tending to ourselves as individuals - making sure that we're healthy and sustainable - we can really show up in service of others.

Who are your sheroes? (Women role models, girl crushes)

Moms (including mine) who know how to take care of themselves and their families. My clients -- I am totally awe-struck by the stand they're taking in the world, and their dedication to giving and growing. Every single one of my amazing girlfriends.

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Photo: Abi Q Photography

I have a 'toolbox' that helps me to feel grounded when I get off center - Meditation, Green Juice/Smoothies, Singing, Nature, etc. What's in your toolbox?

Sex. A glass of wine with a girlfriend. A shower. A long walk with some great music in my ears.

What is your future vision for your career? Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?

In 5 years, I'll still be sharing my message of the importance of women's freedom, helping women thought leaders unblock the things in their life that keep them from living in full alignment with their vision and mission. The primary mediums for my work will be books, retreats and my mastermind.

I'll also have some mini humans to care for, and we'll trek around the world with them.

5 Ways to Honour your Divine Feminine

Art: wyldraven

1. On a clear night, when the moon is bright and large in the sky;

Go to the beach, the park, or some other still, beautiful place. Dance playfully around and look at the moon directly with your heart. Tell her all you hope to achieve and feel over the next moon cycle. Let her help you with it. Dance your way back home.

2. Have a bath in the pitch black. Make it real hot. Sweat. Purge. Release. Then stay there until it gets cold. Meld into the beauty and darkness of your deep, luxurious soul. Think about anything any everything that makes you feel amazing. Meditate. Sing. Cry. Swoosh. Be. Let yourself be honest and real. Go insane. Give the water everything when you're done. Release.

Art: wyldraven

3. Pet a kitty. Be gentle with her. Respect her space. Let her guide you as your hand brushes over her soft, gentle fur, and wait for the cues that tell you she's ready. Go further. Deeper. Let her roll over and pet her open tummy. Lightly, playfully, gently. Give her a kiss on the head, and walk away. 

4. Pick or buy flowers and put them on your altar. Choose the colour of the flower that relates to the chakra or energy you'd like to embody more of. For instance, orange is the colour of the sacral chakra, also known as our Goddess centre. Red is of the root, a primal, sexy centre, associated with home and wealth. You get the idea. Now bathe in their beauty, and know you just did something really great for yourself.

5. Go be with a tree. Just be with her. Sit under her languid, mysterious branches for quite some time. Get lost in your connection. It's OK if you only have 5 minutes. Sometimes, that can feel like forever.

May the Divine Feminine breathe within you, and upon you,

xo Beth

Art: wyldraven

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Did you resonate with this post?

Here are some ways we can connect more deeply…

🐬 Download 3 free Dolphin Rose guided meditations, that I’ve created for you!

In these journeys, we’ll meditate with the dolphins and angels! First, you’ll activate your Pleiadian and Sirian starseed DNA, with the dolphins. Then, you’ll receive a healing from the Divine Feminine Archangels. And in the 3rd meditation, you’ll receive a powerful activation from the Blue Ray and Archangel Michael!

🐬 Join our Facebook group ~ The Dolphin Rose Temple!

🐬 Follow me on Instagram! @the.dolphin.rose.temple