Last Night, I Had A Dark Night Of The Soul...

Last night, I had a dark night of the soul...

What's that?

A dark night of the soul is a term, used for centuries (if not longer), by those on the path inward. It denotes a period - whether that be a night, a week, a month, or even a year - where a fervour of fear, anxiety, or depression hits you, leaving you wholly exhausted by the burden of your own life. 

Not for the faint of heart, yes, but everyone experiences the dark night of the soul, whether we're on a spiritual path or not.

The reason why the term is coined by those on an inward journey, though, is once you start this kind of spiritual awakening - you can't stop. And the force of your path will inevitably guide you into parts of yourself that are in total darkness.

Photo of me by Marnie Recker

We're often brought into our shadows to heal them - and sometimes, we're brought a lot a deeper than we're used to going. 

That happened to me last night. 

After being struck by my moon time (what I like to call my period) - I had spent most of the day in bed, and as the night descended, I began to feel stuck and out of sorts. 

Life seemed to close in on me as I realized how lonely I was without my soul family. How sad I was that someone close to me is suffering from depression. How powerless I felt in a world that I wanted to help so dearly.  All these fears, these concerns that I know are there, but usually don't bother me that much, closed in on me like a vampire bent on suffocation. 

I started to cry vehemently, not a soft trickle of tears, and not even a deep release that just feels good - but a full on wailing that would have been quite worrying to any passerbys. 

Very often the thought "I don't want to be here anymore", came to me, and as I tried in desperation to calm myself, my only resources were to hug myself strongly, and to ask the Universe for HELP!

Exhausted, I tried to go to sleep, but the cramps from my lower belly pulsated with pain, and since I'm not in the practice of taking medication, I let them rage on as they kept me up.

I asked the angels for a sign that they were there with me, and I felt tingles and pinpricks all over my body, especially concentrated around my feet. 

Finally, I drifted off, and in the middle of the night, I awoke after vivid dreams of eagles and dark dungeons. (Eagles signify a higher awareness, and the ability to see the broader picture)

And that's when I realized. The pain had broke.

It was like a fever. That moment where your body finally gets to the peak of it's desperation and breaks. The cramps were gone. The mental anguish had disappeared. The ache in my soul had dissipated, thought hints of it were there, I could tell I had made it through. 

Slipping back into sleep, on and off, I finally got out of bed around 2:30 in the afternoon. 

I felt so much better, but I knew I had to do something. 

. . .

As I lay there last night, so encompassed in my own pain, I said to myself, "I need to write about this."

Technically speaking, I'm a life coach for spiritually minded young women. But what good does a title like 'life coach' do if I don't share my life? The ups and the downs.

Last night was intense, and in those moments, kind of torturous. But all in all, it was a beautiful experience.

It was a reminder that no matter how entrenched I feel in the circumstances of my life, or by the limitations of my own mind - I can, and will, come out of it. 

And when I do, I know I can share my experiences to help others, who inevitably will experience their own dark nights of the soul.

So the next time fear has entrapped you and you feel like you can't get out - connect with this story, and know that there are so many people out there experiencing the exact same thing.

We're in this together.

Let your moments move through you, but don't let them define you.

Know that life is a river - keep moving with it - the rapids, the stillness, and everything in between.

So that's what I did today. Finally when I got out of bed, I had a shower, threw a pink tube top on, and head out the door with my computer in hand. 

... The sun was out.

. . .

Much love, and many blessings to you on your journey, 

xo Beth

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How I Started Working With Angels

Last night, a friend of mine asked me how I got started in meditation and working with angels.

It’s a fun question, but not one I can answer in only a sentence or so. There was also never a specific moment that it just happened - you know, like an AHA moment that you I can trace everything back to. Regardless, it’s an important question, especially important to answer on my blog, and for the countless other ladies interested in starting their own journey with their angels and spirit guides. 

You could say my journey with the spirit world started as a child. My mother regularly saw spirits, apparitions, energy, whatever you want to call it, and although she was very shy, and even a bit fearful of this gift, she openly shared her experiences with us, her children. So from a young age, I was keenly aware that there was something more to life, something ‘beyond the veil’, per say.

Regardless, I still had trouble believing.

Although I trusted my mother fully, it’s hard to believe in something you don’t have direct experience with. 

As I grew up, my mother had several awakenings, and though the rest of our family was still on the conservative, left brain side of things, she delved into reiki, yoga, and different alternative modalities of healing. Eventually, she started to get more open about it, and would often tell me to ask my guardian angels to help me with my school exams, and in any social situations I felt pressure in. She also regularly mentioned Archangel Michael, and the violet/blue light he carried, as a tool for healing and protection.

Even though I was on the fence for whether any of this ‘stuff’ was real, I found myself calling upon my angels, and invoking the violet flame anyway. It couldn’t hurt, I thought, and besides, I liked doing it. 

My views about the eccentric work my mother was doing shifted however, upon a trip to France in the 8th grade. During our travels, I came down with strep throat, which happened often for me, and usually resulted in copious amounts of antibiotics, some puking, and a lot of down time in order to recover. Being only a 2 week trip, I really wasn’t looking forward to spending the vacation seriously ill, so I let my mother do reiki on me. I remember when it happened, we were in a car, the backseat, and she worked her magic. The next day I was better. No antibiotics. No doctor. No puking. This had never happened. And from there, I was a little more willing to believe in the mysteries she was bringing into my life. 

I took my first Reiki course when I was 16, and though I was more open than I had been in previous years, I still found it hard to digest.

I distinctly remember the other women in the class (who were about 3 times my age) discussing the ‘white light’ they were seeing in their meditations, and the feeling of peace that was with them after a group meditation. I thought they were out to lunch, but I went along with it, and when it came to my turn to share my experience of the class, I repeated what the others had said. “Yeah, white light! Peaceful. Definitely. That was me.” It would still be a while before I truly embraced the world of energy and subtle vibrations.

Fast forward a few years. I’m 19, and I’ve just returned from a life changing trip to South Africa. Whether it was the energy of the land, the culture, the climate, or the people I spent my time with, it was what I needed. That summer, I woke up. 

Diving head first into environmentalism, adopting a vegetarian diet, and starting a meditation practice were all markers of the initial stages of my journey.

It would be a year yet, until I would discover angels, and bring their wisdom and healing into my life. When I finally did discover the angelic realm, it was pure magic. By that time I had made my way through the Wayne Dyer + Eckhart Tolle, type of philosophies. Presence, breathing, forgiveness, trust in Source. All of these concepts were key, they were meaningful, and they had created great shifts in my life. 

But me, being me, was looking for something more fun. I didn’t even really know it at the time, but looking back, I know I longed for a path I could dig into, that really resonated with me. Something a bit more distinct. More feminine even. 

And that’s when I came across the book “Ask Your Guides” by Sonia Choquette. It was exactly what I needed. Step by step, page by page, it described how to work with your spirit guides and angels. Who they were. Why they were. And how to connect with them. 

I remember sitting in University - in my Financial Markets and Institutions class - tucked away in the back, pouring over the literature. ‘This is what I should be studying’, I thought. And so I did. I spent my days in my Finance courses, and my nights tucked away at home, reading esoteric literature with my kitty snuggled close by. I started calling upon Archangel Michael on the regular, and practicing different exercises from the books I was reading. I was so in love with my newfound connection to angels and the spirit world, that I just kept going. 

I kept going and going and going and going, until I find myself here today, typing these words as a full time entrepreneur whose primary service is to channel spirit guides and angels for the young women I coach. 

Although there is, of course, much more to the story (isn’t there always?) - that’s the gist of it my loves. We all have our own journeys, and that, in a few words, has been mine.

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Much love, my powerful chicas!

xo Beth