Personal Revelations

That time I was adopted by an Egyptian family...

miney.jpg

As I arrived to my apartment in Cairo, my host gave me some tips. One of them was to never walk alone at night in the area, and to wear long sleeves and pants. With that, he left, and I was standing alone, in a huge, semi-creepy apartment, if Im going to be real, overlooking the pyramids. 




This is Part 2 of an adventure series, read part 1 here.


I got as settled as I could in the space, and thought that I’d be off to visit the pyramids on foot, soon after. But the toll of the long bus ride was hitting me, and I decided against a big adventure. After all - I could see and feel the pyramids clearly, visiting them up close could wait until I had more energy.



When I was preparing to go outside, and wander around the neighbourhood I’d arrived in, I hesitated. “Do I put long sleeves on?” It was hot. I was in the Middle East after all. I decided against it. Im all for respecting cultures, but sometimes I have to make the call if Im actually respecting a culture, or a patriarchal belief system. My shoulders were covered in the outfit I had on, and so were most of my legs. I thought that was a good compromise, and wandered out of my temporary home, thoughtfully ignoring my Airbnb host’s advice. 

And I tell you… once my feet hit the ground, I’ve never felt more like a celebrity than I did in those 3 days in Cairo. 

People stared. And shouted. And ran to ask me questions. I don’t think long sleeves would have helped. 

After walking through the winding streets, looking for vegetarian food, and not finding too much, I was ready to give up and go back. I was tired from being stared and called after incessantly. When I was trying to find my way back, I saw a man, who looked to be in his late 50s, sitting on a chair at the end of a dusty brown road, with the pyramids rising up from behind him.

The man spoke English, and started engaging with me immediately, asking what I was doing. But this man was different. I wasn’t immediately turned off. My intuition told me it was safe to converse. And that’s when he invited me into his home to see his “dancing horses”. “What now?” I thought, “Dancing horses?”

Normally, I would have blown off an invitation from a strange man in the Middle East to enter into his home. But my spidey senses said… “Go, it’s safe.” And I listened. 

nasir2.jpg

As I entered into this man’s home, right in front of where I was sitting, I was introduced to many members of his family. Many of his adult children, his wife (actually ex-wife, but that’s a whole other story…), and his grandchildren, all lived in this 2 story house. The women were downstairs in the kitchen, making food. 

This home was very far from what Westerners are used to. On a superficial level, it was kind of dirty. Ok, well it was dirty, but not in a bad way, simply from a lot of dust and sand blown in from the desert. I don’t remember any real glass windows. It was simple, small, and immediately told me “This is the real Cairo.” So, as a travel junkie, I was in love. Out of my comfort zone, slightly wondering what I was doing, and simultaneously, in love. 

And so, this man, Nasir, guided me upstairs to see his dancing horses. 

They were photos. 
Of dancing horses. 

From days long past. 

It was kind of hilarious, but while I didn’t get to see any dancing horses in real life, I stepped into a local family’s world for the next 3 days. A family whose living came from giving people tours of the pyramids. 



These people literally adopted me. They told me that. They said “You are our sister now, our family.” They had me over for dinner. They took me to their son’s wedding reception, and then, to the wedding. 

Ok people. The wedding. That was one of the craziest experiences of my life. 

The night of the wedding, I tell Nasir I’m pretty tired, and he told me we didn’t have to go to the wedding for long. (A lie... :D)

So he gets his sons to pick me up at my apartment, on foot, and I meet up with everyone. Turns out Nasir’s fancy idea is to have me ride his camel, Mickey, through the winding streets of Cairo, until we get to this wedding. 

nasir.jpg

Ok, sure. Let’s do that. 

I have never ridden a camel at night through very, very busy streets. I have never had said camel stop traffic to cross the road. Until that point. 

It was great. It was chaotic. I was kind of freaking out internally. But I kept telling myself, “Girl, this is once in a lifetime experience, just go with it.”

So, we get to the wedding. It turns out it’s in the middle of a street. Sort of 80’s prom decoration. And it’s a PARTY. The moment I get there, and people find out there’s a white girl at the party, shit got cray. 

I was the only white person, the only foreigner actually. It was then I understood some of what major celebrities go though. People were tugging at my hair, on my dress, everywhere I turned they wanted a selfie, or were pointing at me. I could hardly walk, I had a trail of people clinging to me. 


And then, they made me dance. I love to dance, so it wasn’t necessarily a problem, but it was quite difficult with children and women tugging on you. I probably should have mentioned that - there were no men tugging on me. So even though I did in fact, feel ambushed, I was surrounded by women and children, so I felt safe. I also had Nasir and his sons watching me from our table. 

And so - we danced. Turns out, Middle Eastern hijab wearing women know how to get DOWN! Kissing before marriage? No. That’s a no no. Grinding and gyrating around like a bellydancer. That’s allowed apparently. It was awesome. We went wild. 

I will never forget that night. 

We finished the night by eating falafel at Nasir’s. I was kind of uncomfortable with that, because the women were serving us, and not eating with us. Somehow, as a white woman, I was able to eat with the men, but not his female family members.

This whole experience lit a fire under me. The pyramids. Which Nasir took me to, on his camel of course. The activations from those structures still resonate through my being. The patriarchy. Which made me so much more aware of why the Divine Feminine is needed in this world. And by life. Amidst different cultures and languages, I still found the women, and we danced. We danced, and we celebrated. 

And shortly after, I left Cairo… back to Dahab, where I would spend a little more time, before taking a cab and a bus ride to Israel, to see a Hebrew lover I had met a long the way… 

…To be continued!


free7daycourse.png

I gave up a big addiction, and a shit-ton of fear followed...

IMG_7437.jpg


In the last 9~ish months, I've slowly parted ways with my addiction of choice. 

You know that thing most of us have, that we reach to when we're feeling emotional, bored, or heck... even happy? Mine was weed. From lighting up a joint at the end of most days (yet knowing it wasn't supporting me) - I went to an average of smoking once a week, to now, not at all for the last 3 months. 

And as such, my go-to escapist practice has gone, I'm left with actually feeling what I was covering up. 

What I'm finding has not surprised me, I knew it was there - but the degree to which Im feeling what's coming up, has. There have been moments nothing short of terror in the past few months, as the old stagnant stuff comes up and out. 

What has been coming up? 

Fear of being in my body. Fear that it's not safe to be a human in this world. Fear OF my body. 

And by fear, I mean terror. Sheer terror lives in certain places of my energy body, from my ancestors, past lives, and trauma of this life. 

This has manifested in a pattern.

A sort of, frazzled, energy. A feeling like I can't fully, deeply, and truly relax. My root literally feels constricted and in fight or flight mode. Like a lion might come attack me in any moment. 

Most of us have a version of this, going on. It often shows up as a need to do. A need to make money. A need to feel consistently productive. Because if we're not making money, or being productive, we're not taking care of ourselves, and then, of course, everything will fall apart and we'll die a lonely death, in a hole (or so the ego tells us). 

As much as I'm into wealth consciousness, this is one of the issues I have with people learning how to make more money, through spirituality. It's usually a cover up for deeper issues. Until the deeper issues are looked at, wealth consciousness is yet another practice to try to 'fix' ourselves. But I digress... 

As I'm aware of this constriction in my root, I'm showing up. I'm showing up for deeper healing. And I'd like to share 2 focuses I have right now, that have come from my inner guidance, in case you can relate to my story...

In order to feel safer in my body, these are my current practices: 


PLEASURABLE PUSSY POWER


Yes you read that right. I did in fact just say pleasurable pussy power. I'm reading Pussy, A Reclamation right now, by Regena Thomashauer. It's exactly the medicine I need. In the book, she guides us to reclaim our pussies as pleasurable power centers. And she uses that term, rather than vagina, or yoni, for a reason. (Which she details in the book) I'm into it. I'm over words for vagina / vulva being used as derogatory words. It is indeed time we reclaim them.

Anyway, through reading this book, it's come to my attention my pussy has some CRAZY POWER that's been suppressed my whole life. I wasn't even aware. I mean - I dance a lot, I do womb massage, I work with yoni eggs, I speak my mind. But as I tune into this area of my body, I FEEL the tension!

The constriction in my root, feels like the power of my ancestresses that denied their pleasure, their pussies, their wombs, for CENTURIES! It's like all of that suppressed power wants to come through... me... and NOW. So what am I doing to honour her? A recent practice is I bought a pussy mirror. Yes. I just said that. I bought a round mirror whose entire purpose is to look at my vagina. How do you feel when you just read that? Most women would feel a sense of discomfort. We think our vaginas are ugly. We've been taught to fear them. So this practice helps me to own the beauty of this power center.

Im also simply being more aware of my pleasurable pussy throughout the day. Im breathing into her. Placing my hand on her throughout the day. Letting her tell me when it's time for a pleasure break, like dancing. If you want to know more, I highly recommend checking out the book I mentioned. Lots of practices and guidance are in there. 

IMG_7451.jpg


PRIMAL PRACTICE 


I now have a primal practice. A few times a week, I'll get naked, put on some tribal bass-y music, and dance. And not just dance. I will SCREAM. I will HOWL. I will GROWL. I will use my legs. I'll bang the floor. I'll shake my snake rattle. I'll cover my body in clay. In short, I will get fucking crazy. It's great. 

After I do this, I feel like I just did a huge workout. I'm aware that the fear that lives in my energy body just needs to MOVE! All the times I was told not to cry, not to scream, as a child - imprinted - and I, like most of us, learned to suppress strong emotions. This is why we're depressed! We have all this suppressed energy inside of us, that needs to GET OUT! When I do this, I also open my root, I open my connection to my animal self, I open my connection to my ancestors. 

Little by little, with consistent practice, I feel these practices will bring me great healing. 

I hope they serve you too, if you decide to take them on!

**And also a note, so I can maintain a sense of full honesty. I'm not a "I will never use substances ever" kind of gal. I would love to be able to have a healthy relationship with weed, where I can smoke it occasionally, whether ceremonially, or while dancing with friends. I say this because if I ever decide to light up a joint, I don't want my ego coming in being all like "But you told the whole world you didn't smoke weed anymore!". 


free7daycourse.png

My Unexpected Magdalene Pilgrimage...

IMG_0074.jpg

I didn’t intend to set out on a Magdalene pilgrimage. That summer, before I left, all I knew was I needed to get to Greece. I had booked a Priestress training with my mentor Eden in California, and intended to fly to Europe after that. 

Once I got to Europe, I began my travels through the south of Spain, and after a few weeks, finally landed in Greece. 

Greece was beyond anything I could have imagined. I fell so in love with the lands and waters… remembering them as home from other lifetimes. 

Screen Shot 2019-05-29 at 6.16.33 PM.png

But the wifi in Greece was not the best. I was trying to run my online based business, and had run into difficulties with the internet in both Spain and Greece. When I searched for help, few people could understand my need for fast wifi, and I started researching. I wanted to find a space where I could commune with other entrepreneurs, who lived a similar lifestyle as I did. I needed fast wifi to do live videos and ceremonies. 

And that’s when I found Dahab, Egypt. 

So, funnily enough, it wasn’t the temples or the pyramids that brought me to Egypt (consciously anyway…), it was a co-working space, set on the shores of the Red Sea. It promised fast wi-fi, a community of entrepreneurs, and views of the sea from our desks. Dahab was an ancient outpost of the Bedouin tribes, and was now attracting a lot of free spirits to experience it’s snorkeling, scuba diving, and laid-back energy. I was in!

My last stop in Greece, before I flew to Egypt, was Delphi - an ancient mecca of Priestess consciousness, and the spiritual centre of Ancient Greece. 

As I sat there in Delphi, activated and full of remembrance of ancient times, I waited for the very modern bus to take me to the airport in Athens. As I sat at the bus stop, I couldn’t believe it. Previously, I had no plans to visit Egypt on this trip. But here I was, mere hours away from returning to the Middle East, a place I’d lived as a child, and a place I remembered deep in my bones from lives past. 

As I landed in Egypt, the Middle East radiated through me. From the moment I arrived, everything was potent. It was challenging to be there. There was so much energy moving through me, so much activation. It felt really intense. It was also strange and sad to remember the magic of the ancient times, juxtaposed with the profound Patriarchal culture that had woven it’s way through the deserts and mountains. 

Screen Shot 2019-05-29 at 6.12.33 PM.png

While in Dahab, I had no plans to leave. I thought I was simply there to work on a project, and soak up the Middle East. I thought the pyramids and the temples would be for another trip. In some ways, I didn’t feel ready. 

But then… 

I watched a video of a spiritual teacher I follow. It was from years ago, but in it, she was standing in front of the pyramids, describing the frequency, and the power of the structures.

I felt it. 
I knew it. 
I had to go. 

Within 24 hours I was on a night bus to Cairo. 

And that’s when my Magdalene Pilgrimage began. 

I went alone, as I often do. 

I sat on the bus for 8 hours, crossing many gateways with guards carrying machine guns. 

Coming into Cairo was one of the strangest experiences of my life. Groggy from an overnight bus, I looked out the windows to see the lands come into view, in the morning light. 

Sand, dust, grey, beige, everywhere. And then - Cairo. Derelict buildings stood, in the same desert colours, washed out by sand. But these buildings were still inhabited. The levels of poverty I witnessed were profound. 

The city had a sort of chaotic desert madness to it. I’ve been a lot of places. I’ve traveled to South Africa on my own, Asia, South America, Central America, Australia, Europe, the States… and I’ve never experienced culture shock like I did when I got to Cairo. I felt like I was in another world. 

I felt a mix of being extremely uncomfortable, and like I was on a supreme mission. Im a nature girl. The chaos of the city, and the lack of any green life overwhelmed me, coupled with the fact that I was in a very conservative place as a solo female. 

And yet, I felt a sense of rightness. A magnetic pull to be in the frequency of the pyramids. 

Once I got off the bus, my Airbnb host picked me up, and took me to my apartment for the next 3 days. 

And that’s when I first saw the pyramids. 

IMG_0302.jpg

Nothing can really prepare you for seeing the pyramids. Especially if you’ve always felt a connection with Ancient Egypt. 

My apartment looked over a golf course right under the pyramids, and for 3 days, I had a very close, direct view, of them. 

Jeshua and Mary Magdalene were initiated in the Great Pyramid
, as well as many other initiates of Isis and other sacred orders. They carry a frequency that goes well past the 3rd dimensional reality we can see. 

And quite frankly, they activated the shit out of me. 

… To be continued. 


In part 2 and 3 of my Magdalene Pilgrimage adventures I will continue my journey through Egypt, and then through Israel and the South of France. 


free7daycourse.png

The 'right' way to show up for spirituality - and a middle finger to it. ♥

DSC_9788.jpg

There's a standard in the spiritual community of what the 'right' way is ~ to live your life and to show up for your path.

It typically includes:


♥ A thorough morning routine, not to be missed, which includes meditation, yoga, green juice, and maybe some journaling, or chanting

♥ GOING FOR IT, going for your dreams, no matter what, acting every day to make them happen

♥ Manifesting abundance, and lots of it. Working on your relationship with money all the time

♥ Feeling sexy and practicing tantric techniques. If you're a woman, getting to know your womb + yoni

♥ Taking digital detoxes and getting away from the computer often

♥ Doing potent cleanses frequently, like juice cleanses, water fasts, coffee enemas, and the like.

If your news feed is anything like mine, you're inundated with information and 'inspiration' about how you should be doing all of these things, all the time, and then YOU, TOO, will be hitting the 'mark' as a spiritual being. You'll get your gold medal in the spiritual olympics, and will be able to be happy, rich, and healthy, basically all the time, if you follow the above steps. 

amethyst.jpg

Thats great and everything, but let's take a moment to be human... 

Although having a spiritual practice, taking care of our bodies, and working on our mindset are all amazing things and DO have an impact on our wellbeing, 

Here's the real shit... 

✦ Sometimes it's all we can do to get out of bed in the morning. ✦


We have cycles as humans.

Sometimes we're on fire... 

We can do all the things, 
We have energy for them, 
And we feel great. 
YAY!

And sometimes... 

Life hits us over the head with a cosmic hammer, 
And we have no inspiration or motivation to do a damn thing.

✦ This is called integration, 
And it currently gets very little space held for it, in the spiritual community. ✦


In my opinion, there really is only ONE thing we are being asked to do, to stay aligned with our Spirit. (And it's totally OK if we can't do it too, because that's a part of the learnings and our growth)

And that is... LOVING OURSELVES. 

Loving the one who can't get out of bed cause you feel so damn depressed. 

Loving the one who is trying her best. 

Loving your heart, as is. 

Loving your body, and respecting her process.

Loving the one who judges herself. 

Loving you. Just as you are. No strings attached. 


That's it. 
That's all. 

If you really want to grow spiritually, in my current understanding, that's pretty much the only thing you need to be focusing on. 

So consider this a little love note from me to you, that honours whatever process you're in. 

You actually don't need to run through a spiritual obstacle course everyday to be 'on purpose'.

You just need to love yourself, wherever you are. And you can start now by placing one hand on your heart and saying "I love you." It doesn't matter if you don't fully feel it, just keep saying it. Eventually, it will stick.

I love you. ♥


I used to have mild depression…this is how i healed it

BETH-0041 copy.jpg

I used to have mild depression. For years, I would go in and out of these very lethargic states. Some days I would lie in my bed for much of the day - feeling sad, feeling pain, or often-times, just feeling numb and unmotivated.

I remember, once when I was teaching at a retreat in Bali, I told the facilitators that I felt 'it' coming on again... the dark hole. I was scared to go in it. I was scared it would eat me and I wouldn't come out again for a long time.

And that was the last time I felt that way.

Because instead of eating me, I ate it. I ate the shadow spaces, I ate my pain, by surrendering to it, and letting it move through me.

Since that day, many years ago, I've not experienced depression. Sad days, tough weeks, yes - but if you've experienced depression, you know that this ever-pervading state is more than just a sad day, or a tough week.

I credit healing my depression to the teachings of the Dark Goddess.

The aspect of the Divine Feminine, who teaches us to allow our pain, anger, and intense feelings, without judgement.

Often in spiritual circles, we are guided to "think positively" non-stop.

Many of us are starting to figure out that this can actually do more harm than good - as if we're suppressing our deeper emotions, we end up in a constant state of resistance - which actually worsens the depression and causes us to have big mood swings.

We will be working closely with the Dark Goddess and Her teachings, in my free journey - Walking as Priestess. {Sign up for that below}

This is a 5 day free deep dive with Kali, Isis + Mary Magdalene, and will help you get to know the Goddess in all Her aspects - helping you to embrace all of your emotions so you can integrate more of your power + brilliance into your life!

Sexuality. I used to suppress it. Big time...

DSC_9823 copy.jpg

Sexuality. ★ One of the juiciest energies in my life today, use to be one of the most foreign.

I grew up taught to believe that sex was between a man and wife... and that's the extent of what sexuality meant.

The climate of sexual suppression I grew up in, meant that, by the time I was 17, I remember telling my best friend: "I don't know what it feels like to be "turned on."

Now Im sure some nice church loving ladies would be thrilled by that statement, and feel that a 17 year old girl should absolutely not know what it feels like to be aroused...

But the wild woman in me thinks that's actually really sad.

Because the experience of being "turned on", is not just about wanting to have sex...


~ I can feel turned on by life, open to endless possibilities and new opportunities
~ I can feel turned on by my own body, dancing the night away feeling the flames of passion and joy ripple through my body as I move
~ I can feel turned on by a creative project, feeling so excited to create something beautiful, meaningful and new
~ AND... I can be turned on by a lover, letting my body and soul soften and open up to the sensuality of moving in rhythm with a beloved, his heart, his body...

I claim sexuality as sacred now. 
I've done a lot of work around this, and I have more to do.

But I am still SHOCKED, to this day, when I share my views on sex - that I hold it as sacred, even when it's raw, primal, and crazy - how many people ask... "What do you mean by that?"

I can witness how many of us hold so much shame around sexuality... owning our bodies, finding pleasure in our movements, energy, and forms...

This has been conditioned into us. By the church. By patriarchy.

But it's time it stops.

★ Our bodies are holy. 
★ Our sexuality is PURE. 
★ Sex can initiate us into the orgasmic creative power of the Universe. 
★ Sex literally CAME from God/dess.

...In order to witness a revolution around sexuality,
We must experience a revolution in ourselves....

Some ways that my own inner revolution has changed me + my habits:


~ For starters... I DEFINITELY know what it feels like to be turned on... but the feeling doesn't control me. I can allow it and let it flow in different ways... (Still working on this...)

~ I no longer get sexual with men who can't really see me, who don't really love me. Even if it means I don't have sex for long periods (and I really like to have sex...) - I will say NO, if my womb and heart tell me to. No matter how sexy the guy, in question is... I now have boundaries after many years of saying yes to the wrong men who gave me red flags from the start.

~ I feel sexy. Straight up. When I dance. When I feel my hair brush against my skin. When I walk in nature and get muddy and messy. This never used to be the case. I felt cute, at best. Sexy was never a word, or a feeling, I was familiar with. Now I'm confident, and feel comfortable in claiming my beauty - in a world where we are told not to claim our beauty or our sexuality, because it's 'arrogant' or 'slutty' (...gag). *For example, I NEVER would have posted a picture like the on above 5+ years ago... NEVER NEVER NEVER... Now? Fuck it... I like the picture :)

~ I allow the excitement and joy of sexual energy to fuel me... This creates an aura of happiness + magnetism in my field, that pulls in all sorts of fun things - new friends, plane tickets, synchronistic adventures, clients, and more.

Like I said, in order to get to this place, after having the whole idea of sexuality be completely foreign to me, I had to do a lot of 'work', a lot of breathing, a lot of dancing, a lot of questioning, a lot of journaling, a lot of working things out through relationship...

I'm offering a free ceremonial activation of your Sacred Sexuality
, with Mary Magdalene, in a free 5 day journey called Walking as Priestess. You can sign up below to receive it!

Are we honouring the Dark Goddess? Or bypassing...

"I just feel really agitated lately, since the Plant Medicine, Anytime someone is all in the "love everything" vibe, I just feel agitated."

"Me too," I echoed, chiming in, in solidarity, "Lately when people are like "Love, all is love, I love everyone and everything!", I'm like "I hate you", and then I think "Omg Beth!" - because that's so not me. I know it's just a process."

I felt a shift in the room.

Is hate a strong word? Yes. Was I in a healing workshop? Yes. But that's how I felt - how I'd been feeling. I didn't censor myself.

I was at a breathwork workshop, and we were at the end of the circle, sharing about our experiences and what we've been going through lately.

At the start of the journey, we were told - all emotions are welcome here, nothing is ugly, nothing is bad.

And yet, I could feel, from one person especially, sitting across from me, what I stated, was indeed 'wrong' or at least, very distasteful in some way. Some comments were then shared about what irritation is all about, or how to process it. The energy was - "Let's help you 'fix' this".

And this, my friends, is where we're at --- we talk about letting all emotions be OK, making space for them. Learning to love anger as we love light...

But we don't live it.

We don't embody it.

image2.JPG

Even me, as I left the workshop, I felt ashamed for sharing the potent energy inside of me. "I shouldn't have shared that, the space wasn't being held for me."

But even there, I caught myself, I was ashamed of my own powerful feelings. Thinking they must not be OK, if they triggered other people, by simply sharing them.

I had to breathe through those feelings for hours.

But sitting here now, I feel differently.

I have sacred rage inside of me.

And grief underneath that.

During a recent Plant Ceremony, I had a past life recall that was so intense, I could do nothing but cry like an animal, when it surfaced. I didn't even know I could make sounds like that.

And now, in the wake - yes I'm angry. Yes I have grief.

And yes, that's all OK. My soul has been through a lot. (Can you relate?)

...

It's time the healing community learns the difference between being in a genuine space of love, and simply spiritual bypassing, floating in the higher chakras.

If you state you are in a deep vibration of love, but cower back and judge another who is not feeling the same way - you are not in a true space of love, you're in an unintegrated state.

If you state you are in a deep vibration of love, and feel your heart grow wider, your compassion growing deeper, as someone shares the nitty gritty of their darker depths - you ARE in a space of love.

Is it a touch arrogant for me to be defining when someone is genuinely in a space of love, and when they aren't?

Maybe.

But what feels real is this - As spiritual brothers and sisters, it's time to honour the Dark Goddess.

Not from our minds.
Not as a concept.

But from an embodied knowingness.

She is the crazy bitch who takes you in the night and throws you deep in the pit of your own fears, to wake you the fuck up.

She is the one who stands at the gateways between birth and death - yonis splitting open in blood and screams. Last breaths being taken as souls return to the Mystery.

She is the one with unending compassion and love, who guides you to see your own bullshit so you can be who you truly are.

And 99% of the time - she ain't pretty.

I pray we grow, together, to appreciate Her and hold space for Her.

To not cower in fear or judgement when She speaks, when She roars.

For I truly believe, it is in honouring Her, that we will restore this Earth to balance.

So my dear, 
I leave you with this,
I honour your darkness, 
I honour the shadow that inhabits it, 
And I honour the sacredness of the void that lives inside of you.

You are not too much, 
What is inside of you, is not too much,
For me.

Time for greater authenticity in friendships...

Time for greater authenticity in friendships. 
Especially with females. 
I understand we have sisterhood wounding. 
And sometimes it's hard to get past. 
But I no longer have space for fake friends.

DSC_9852 2.jpg

Yes, I can feel you when you judge me. 
Or flip flop between wanting to tear me down + cheer for me. 
I can feel when your intentions for me are not the best. 
And I notice when you say you'll be there for me, 
But when it comes down to it, 
You aren't.

I don't care if you talk about spirituality, 
Or if your work is supporting women. 
I can read through the lines, 
Feel through your words.

I'm done pretending I cant, 
And I'm done making excuses for you.

I can have compassion, because I know it can be hard to let down our walls sometimes. 
But I will have to let you tear those walls down from afar. 
And ask you to call me when you've processed.

Because I'm coming into a space where I am clear about what I'm worth,
And how I deserve to be treated.

There is a difference between seeing someone as my mirror, 
Honouring my own shit,
And receiving triggers as medicine,

And ...

Letting someone in my field, 
Who is not actually supporting me, 
But pretending they are.

Thank you to my friends who unconditionally love and support me,  
And are honest with me about where you're at. 
Thank fully, there are quite a few of you, 
And I'm grateful.

I am learning, growing, changing, 
Once happy to let anyone in my field, 
Now, letting nature and my intuition tell me who is good for me, 
And who to let go of.

All this, said in loving boundaries, 
From someone who used to have 0.