Personal Revelations

My first night in Avalon...

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After a rainy, cold, and jet-lagged filled first few days in London, I was excited to arrive in my destination. Glastonbury. A small, English town, with ancient roots as the Isle of Avalon - the island famed in stories of King Arthur, and the Mists of Avalon. I was called there, to steep in the energies of the ancient Priestesses and Druids who trained on the lands. But here I was now, a modern day woman, getting off a very modern day bus, being dropped off in the centre of this bustling little town.

The bus dropped me off right in front of a raw chocolate shoppe, which I, of course, had to enter. I treated myself to a ceremonial “welcome to Glastonbury” chocolate, eyeing the sacred geometry clad clothes, and superfoods in the corners, but shooing myself out of the store, so that I could find my Airbnb.

I went the wrong way at first, and had to get help from some friendly locals, who pointed me in the right direction, up 2 hills, to the left, right, and left - and then, I was there. I would be staying as a guest in a woman’s home, my bedroom, having a view of the legendary, Glastonbury Tor.

As I settled in, I felt the stress of being in London fall away, as I allowed the healing energies of Glastonbury seep into me.

My first priority was to gather spring water. There are 2 main springs in Glastonbury, a red one - named for the high iron content and ability to make anything turn reddish brown over time - and a white one, named, in part, for it’s high calcium content. Where these springs rose from the ground, had long been sites for ancient ceremonies, rituals, and initiations. So not only was the water pure and fresh, it also came from places of potent magic and mystery. Clearly, I had to get some, straight away!

After consulting my map, I headed out, walking through charming English backroads that reminded me of the movies. As I passed a farmer’s field, I heard some voices. Taking a peak, I saw a group of women in a circle, with their arms raised high, chanting “Hail the Moon Goddess, Hail the Moon Goddess!” I had arrived to Glastonbury on the the Full Moon, quite synchronistically. And here I had stumbled on a ritual of women celebrating it, and bringing in the lunar energies. Everything about the scene - the farmer’s field, the devotion of the women, the circle they raised their arms in - came together perfectly to elicit tears. I felt the ancient magic, alive and well.

I continued onto the springs, with every intention to turn around, once I filled up. I was still really jetlagged, and nursing an injured knee. But once I filled up with the water, mixing the red and white springs, and offering my gratitude to them, I felt the energy of the Tor pulling at me. St. Michael’s Tor (named for Archangel Michael), is built on the top of the highest hill in Glastonbury, and was the site for many ancient initiations. I hesitated. Should I go back and rest, or should I climb the hill? I asked myself. The lure was too strong, and despite my best intentions to take it easy, I found myself climbing.

As the Tor came into view, I can’t describe what came over me. Something ancient. A recognition. A meeting of my lineages… I felt Isis, I felt Archangel Michael, I felt Mary Magdalene, I felt the ancestors, I felt more than I can describe or understand with my mind. And I started to cry, from a deep place. People were coming and going in front of me and behind me, so I tried to save my bursts of tears for when the coast was clear. I’m all for crying in front of people, but this felt like a sacred moment, my moment, and I wanted to keep it for myself. I thought to myself, “I can’t believe this place exists!”

Once I got to the top of the Tor, I sat to watch the sun set. There were many people there, who were meditating, or doing ceremony, or just talking, spending time with their friends and family in that beautiful moment. I sat there for a few moments, and then heard drumming coming from inside the Tor. I curiously wandered over, and found a man beating his drum, while a red haired woman danced, her flaming curls spiralling around her body as she moved. 'She looks like Brigid herself’, I thought, an ancient Celtic Goddess of healing and fire.

After taking in the scene, I moved to the opposite side of the hill, preparing for the moon rise, knowing that the Full Moon rises exactly opposite where the sun sets, I chose my spot. After waiting patiently, the moon appeared, as a luminous yellow orb, moving upwards in the sky. The air was full of magic, as I recognized that everyone on the Tor was there for the same reason - to honour the sunset and moonrise as a time to connect spiritually, as a sacred moment.

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And that’s when I heard singing coming from inside the Tor, to compliment the drumbeat. I started humming along - ever the singer, music always comes out of me when I hear people making it. I witnessed myself quietly humming to myself, and I witnessed the longing to be louder, and sing the melodies that were coming through. A part of me tried to get myself to sit still, to watch the moon, to just enjoy listening. But a bigger part of me squirmed, and asked to go ‘play’ with fellow musicians. I recognized a moment to open my throat chakra, and I left my moonrise spot, to join the group.

I started singing along with would-be Brigid, who it turns out, was the one singing. She enthusiastically welcomed my voice, and we started playing off one another, as the drum beat. A crowd had gathered round, taking in the song. And that’s when I just let it all come out. I let the land move through me, I felt Archangel Michael and the ancestors of the place, pulse inside of me, and I sang their vibrations through me. The frequencies took turns between wildly loud, guttoral and primal, and angelic and etheric. My soul beamed as she was able to express what was inside of her, and what was inside of the land.

I stayed there for a few songs, offering the melodies that came though me, and enjoying the beating drum, and the atmosphere. But before long, jet lag crept up again, and I felt it was time. I’d had an amazing night at the Tor, and silently said thank you, before making my way down.

On the way back to my Airbnb, I continued to sing. I sang to the trees, and the ancestors, and the moon, and I felt the spirits rise up in thanks to greet me. The land loves to be sung to.

And that night, as I crawled into bed, I knew I was in the right place. I gave thanks for the synchronicites, and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was fast asleep, joining the ancestors in the dreamtime.

Meeting a Palestinian Lover in the Holy Lands...

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When I was in Egypt, I met someone. It was brief. We met at a little store that sold herbal medicines from Arabia, among other magical things. I introduced myself, because I felt something. I think it was his eyes.

We went snorkelling on our first date, and spent the night making music at one of his friend’s homes. That was an incredible evening. Im a singer, and I’ve jammed with a lot of musicians. But never with Arabic musicians. From the instruments to the vocals, I felt like I’d been transported back to ancient Arabia… it was amazing. The woman who was hosting us that night turned out to be a Priestess sister, I felt Isis in her.

It was this man, that drew me to Israel. He was Hebrew, and just visiting Egypt for a short time.

{ This is Part 3 in a series, read part 1 here + part 2 here }

And so, after he'd left, and it was my time to depart Egypt, I decided to make my way to Jerusalem, and then on to Tel-Aviv, where he lived. Previously, I’d had no plans to go to Israel, but of course, this is how things go. Especially when you listen. Though it was a man that took me to the Holy Lands, I feel it was a much more ancient man underneath it all, pulling me there… Jeshua.

The morning I left Egypt, I packed all my things in my backpack, and hailed a cab to the Israeli border. The cab ride was 3 hours and allowed me to see even more of the arid mountainous landscape of Egypt’s Sinai region.

Once I crossed the border on foot, and took a bus to Jerusalem, I felt like I’d, yet again, entered into another world. It was hard to believe Egypt and Israel shared a border. The culture, the dress, the buildings, were all so different from what I'd just left.

On that bus ride, I’d had some funny feelings. And within a day or so, I understood what they were about. My Hebrew lover told me he realized he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend.

The man I’d crossed a border to see, was out of the picture. And there I was in Israel.
Ok. Perfect.
Good thing it’s magical as fuck.

So I started exploring on my own, in typical Beth fashion.

My first day in Jerusalem, I headed straight for the old city, one of the most enchanting and rich places I’d ever been.

The old city is where Jeshua and Mary Magdalene had walked through, many a time, as well as Mother Mary, and much of their family. The frequency of the place is intense. There is a potent sacred energy, as well as the messiness and shadow that comes from major religions and governments fighting for thousands of years, over a piece of land.

As I wound my way through the small streets, I passed many a shop.

It was in front of one of these shops, that sold Persian carpets, handmade scarves and beautiful fabrics, that I was stopped by a man. He was Palestinian, attractive, and fluent in English. The moment he found out I was travelling alone (most people come in groups, especially most young women) - he was insistent I let him take me out, to show me the old city.

He promised me he could show me things other people couldn’t… his family had owned shops in the old city for generations, he explained.

I told him maybe.

I still had the other guy on my mind, and he was clearly asking me out on a date. It’s not my style to get over someone by being with someone else. I like to take a week, a month, and sometimes even years if Im being honest, to clear my old feelings, before I feel ready to open up again.

And I usually say no to anyone I meet on the street, who asks me on a date.

But I wanted to be polite, and he was charismatic, so I said - maybe.

He made sure we got each other on Facebook so we could communicate.

After winding through a few more narrow streets, once I left him at his shop, I felt tired.

I sat down, and started chatting with a friend on my phone. I explained what had just happened, and through talking to her, I realized… “Im alone in Jerusalem. An attractive man whose spent his whole life here, just asked me on a date to show me things no one else could. My other alternative is to spend the night with white people at a hostel, and maybe go to a bar." (Sorry white people, I love you, I am you, but you know where Im coming from… When in Rome!) So… I decided to say yes.

I messaged the charming stranger, and he was so excited I'd agreed. He told me to meet him at a gate of the old city, when he closed the shop.

Later that night, when I went to go meet him, I was a bit nervous. But when I saw him, I felt more comfortable. He was interesting. Kind. And he had a lot of stories.

He guided me through the dark Arabian streets, most of the shops closed for the night, and up to a set of stairs, with a gate at the top. It turns out, he was taking me up to the old wall, the one that encompasses the city. Strictly off limits to tourists. Except me, apparently.

We climbed up the wall, and once at the top, I had the most amazing view of both the old city of Jerusalem, and the new. We walked around, to a beautiful spot, and my new friend to become lover, rolled a joint, and we smoked it, overlooking all of the magic. He told me about his family, about Palestine, about the hardships he’d faced, the triumphs he’d had, and lost, and about the history of Jerusalem. I was spellbound by his intelligence. His interest in things that actually mattered, like human rights, and taking care of his family.

From that night, we spent a lot of time together.

When I wasn’t with this new love, I was exploring more of Jerusalem, and it’s ancient churches. Most notably, the main Christian church, that is said to be built on the land where Jesus was crucified, and holds the apparent slab of stone, that he was laid on to rest, and arose from.

Honestly, my intuition told me none of that was true. I etherically felt another place where Jesus was crucified. When I saw the stone, that everyone was coming up to, touching, weeping at, going crazy over, my first thought was - that’s not it.

Jeshua is so sacred. I feel that. His legacy is incredible. I work with him all the time, I love him.

But I didn’t feel much of him in that cold, grey, imposing old church.

I felt control. I felt a lack of sunlight, nature, and oxygen.

And I felt a lot of people giving their power away, to a figure they were told was way above them. I felt that if Jesus was in the building, physically, he would have told the crowds to start worshipping their own damn hearts.

After that rich few days in Jerusalem, it was time to leave for Tel-Aviv. I didn’t really want to, but my accommodation had already been booked.

Tel-Aviv is a big city, with sky scrapers, and a much more modern culture. Even though Im a millennial, and was now surrounded by a music scene, hip restaurants, and shopping, I longed for the old quarters of Jerusalem.

And so I spent most of my time there in the old town, by the sea. I walked an hour everyday from my apartment to be there, and kept myself in the frequency of the ancients. My lover came to visit me while there, driving several hours just to see me for a short time. He could never spend the night - always having to return home to a strict Muslim house, where he lived, taking care of his mother.

He helped me on my healing journey with men. He drove all the way to see me, while being broke, and wouldn’t let me chip in for gas. It was a far departure from what I’d been used to.

And of course... Jeshua. I felt him. Holding frequency of the Sacred Masculine, burying his way into my life, and into my heart, in a whole new way - a far cry for the Jesus I had known in my traditional Christian upbringing.

But after not so long, it was time to say goodbye. The holy lands had ignited me. I knew I would return. But Mary Magdalene was calling me, from the shores of Southern France, and I knew I had to go…

…To be continued.

Giving up an addiction to weed...

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In the last 9~ish months, I've slowly parted ways with my addiction of choice.

You know that thing most of us have, that we reach to when we're feeling emotional, bored, or heck... even happy? Mine was weed. From lighting up a joint at the end of most days (yet knowing it wasn't supporting me) - I went to an average of smoking once a week, to now, not at all for the last 3 months.

And as such, my go-to escapist practice has gone, I'm left with actually feeling what I was covering up.

What I'm finding has not surprised me, I knew it was there - but the degree to which Im feeling what's coming up, has. There have been moments nothing short of terror in the past few months, as the old stagnant stuff comes up and out.

What has been coming up?

Fear of being in my body. Fear that it's not safe to be a human in this world. Fear OF my body.

And by fear, I mean terror. Sheer terror lives in certain places of my energy body, from my ancestors, past lives, and trauma of this life.

This has manifested in a pattern.

A sort of, frazzled, energy. A feeling like I can't fully, deeply, and truly relax. My root literally feels constricted and in fight or flight mode. Like a lion might come attack me in any moment.

Most of us have a version of this, going on. It often shows up as a need to do. A need to make money. A need to feel consistently productive. Because if we're not making money, or being productive, we're not taking care of ourselves, and then, of course, everything will far apart and we'll die a lonely death, in a hole (or so the ego tells us).

As much as I'm into wealth consciousness, this is one of the issues I have with people learning how to make more money, through spirituality. It's usually a cover up for deeper issues. Until the deeper issues are looked at, wealth consciousness is yet another practice to try to 'fix' ourselves. But I digress...

As I'm aware of this constriction in my root, I'm showing up. I'm showing up for deeper healing. And I'd like to share 2 focuses I have right now, that have come from my inner guidance, in case you can relate to my story...

In order to feel safer in my body, these are my current practices:



PLEASURABLE PUSSY POWER


Yes you read that right. I did in fact just say pleasurable pussy power. I'm reading Pussy, A Reclamation right now, by Regena Thomashauer. It's exactly the medicine I need. In the book, she guides us to reclaim our pussies as pleasurable power centers. And she uses that term, rather than vagina, or yoni, for a reason. (Which she details in the book) I'm into it. I'm over words for vagina / vulva being used as derogatory words. It is indeed time we reclaim them.

Anyway, through reading this book, it's come to my attention my pussy has some CRAZY POWER that's been suppressed my whole life. I wasn't even aware. I mean - I dance a lot, I do womb massage, I work with yoni eggs, I speak my mind. But as I tune into this area of my body, I FEEL the tension!

The constriction in my root, feels like the power of my ancestresses that denied their pleasure, their pussies, their wombs, for CENTURIES! It's like all of that suppressed power wants to come through... me... and NOW. So what am I doing to honour her? A recent practice is I bought a pussy mirror. Yes. I just said that. I bought a round mirror whose entire purpose is to look at my vagina. How do you feel when you just read that? Most women would feel a sense of discomfort. We think our vaginas are ugly. We've been taught to fear them. So this practice helps me to own the beauty of this power center.

Im also simply being more aware of my pleasurable pussy throughout the day. Im breathing into her. Placing my hand on her throughout the day. Letting her tell me when it's time for a pleasure break, like dancing. If you want to know more, I highly recommend checking out the book I mentioned. Lots of practices and guidance are in there.



PRIMAL PRACTICE


I now have a primal practice. A few times a week, I'll get naked, put on some tribal bass-y music, and dance. And not just dance. I will SCREAM. I will HOWL. I will GROWL. I will use my legs. I'll bang the floor. I'll shake my snake rattle. I'll cover my body in clay. In short, I will get fucking crazy. It's great.

After I do this, I feel like I just did a huge workout. I'm aware that the fear that lives in my energy body just needs to MOVE! All the times I was told not to cry, not to scream, as a child - imprinted - and I, like most of us, learned to suppress strong emotions. This is why we're depressed! We have all this suppressed energy inside of us, that needs to GET OUT! When I do this, I also open my root, I open my connection to my animal self, I open my connection to my ancestors.

Little by little, with consistent practice, I feel these practices will bring me great healing.

I hope they serve you too, if you decide to take them on!

**And also a note, so I can maintain a sense of full honesty. I'm not a "I will never use substances ever" kind of gal. I would love to be able to have a healthy relationship with weed, where I can smoke it occasionally, whether ceremonially, or while dancing with friends. I say this because if I ever decide to light up a joint, I don't want my ego coming in being all like "But you told the whole world you didn't smoke weed anymore!".

That time I was adopted by an Egyptian family...

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As I arrived to my apartment in Cairo, my host gave me some tips. One of them was to never walk alone at night in the area, and to wear long sleeves and pants. With that, he left, and I was standing alone, in a huge, semi-creepy apartment, if Im going to be real, overlooking the pyramids. 




This is Part 2 of an adventure series, read part 1 here.


I got as settled as I could in the space, and thought that I’d be off to visit the pyramids on foot, soon after. But the toll of the long bus ride was hitting me, and I decided against a big adventure. After all - I could see and feel the pyramids clearly, visiting them up close could wait until I had more energy.



When I was preparing to go outside, and wander around the neighbourhood I’d arrived in, I hesitated. “Do I put long sleeves on?” It was hot. I was in the Middle East after all. I decided against it. Im all for respecting cultures, but sometimes I have to make the call if Im actually respecting a culture, or a patriarchal belief system. My shoulders were covered in the outfit I had on, and so were most of my legs. I thought that was a good compromise, and wandered out of my temporary home, thoughtfully ignoring my Airbnb host’s advice. 

And I tell you… once my feet hit the ground, I’ve never felt more like a celebrity than I did in those 3 days in Cairo. 

People stared. And shouted. And ran to ask me questions. I don’t think long sleeves would have helped. 

After walking through the winding streets, looking for vegetarian food, and not finding too much, I was ready to give up and go back. I was tired from being stared and called after incessantly. When I was trying to find my way back, I saw a man, who looked to be in his late 50s, sitting on a chair at the end of a dusty brown road, with the pyramids rising up from behind him.

The man spoke English, and started engaging with me immediately, asking what I was doing. But this man was different. I wasn’t immediately turned off. My intuition told me it was safe to converse. And that’s when he invited me into his home to see his “dancing horses”. “What now?” I thought, “Dancing horses?”

Normally, I would have blown off an invitation from a strange man in the Middle East to enter into his home. But my spidey senses said… “Go, it’s safe.” And I listened. 

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As I entered into this man’s home, right in front of where I was sitting, I was introduced to many members of his family. Many of his adult children, his wife (actually ex-wife, but that’s a whole other story…), and his grandchildren, all lived in this 2 story house. The women were downstairs in the kitchen, making food. 

This home was very far from what Westerners are used to. On a superficial level, it was kind of dirty. Ok, well it was dirty, but not in a bad way, simply from a lot of dust and sand blown in from the desert. I don’t remember any real glass windows. It was simple, small, and immediately told me “This is the real Cairo.” So, as a travel junkie, I was in love. Out of my comfort zone, slightly wondering what I was doing, and simultaneously, in love. 

And so, this man, Nasir, guided me upstairs to see his dancing horses. 

They were photos. 
Of dancing horses. 

From days long past. 

It was kind of hilarious, but while I didn’t get to see any dancing horses in real life, I stepped into a local family’s world for the next 3 days. A family whose living came from giving people tours of the pyramids. 



These people literally adopted me. They told me that. They said “You are our sister now, our family.” They had me over for dinner. They took me to their son’s wedding reception, and then, to the wedding. 

Ok people. The wedding. That was one of the craziest experiences of my life. 

The night of the wedding, I tell Nasir I’m pretty tired, and he told me we didn’t have to go to the wedding for long. (A lie... :D)

So he gets his sons to pick me up at my apartment, on foot, and I meet up with everyone. Turns out Nasir’s fancy idea is to have me ride his camel, Mickey, through the winding streets of Cairo, until we get to this wedding. 

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Ok, sure. Let’s do that. 

I have never ridden a camel at night through very, very busy streets. I have never had said camel stop traffic to cross the road. Until that point. 

It was great. It was chaotic. I was kind of freaking out internally. But I kept telling myself, “Girl, this is once in a lifetime experience, just go with it.”

So, we get to the wedding. It turns out it’s in the middle of a street. Sort of 80’s prom decoration. And it’s a PARTY. The moment I get there, and people find out there’s a white girl at the party, shit got cray. 

I was the only white person, the only foreigner actually. It was then I understood some of what major celebrities go though. People were tugging at my hair, on my dress, everywhere I turned they wanted a selfie, or were pointing at me. I could hardly walk, I had a trail of people clinging to me. 


And then, they made me dance. I love to dance, so it wasn’t necessarily a problem, but it was quite difficult with children and women tugging on you. I probably should have mentioned that - there were no men tugging on me. So even though I did in fact, feel ambushed, I was surrounded by women and children, so I felt safe. I also had Nasir and his sons watching me from our table. 

And so - we danced. Turns out, Middle Eastern hijab wearing women know how to get DOWN! Kissing before marriage? No. That’s a no no. Grinding and gyrating around like a bellydancer. That’s allowed apparently. It was awesome. We went wild. 

I will never forget that night. 

We finished the night by eating falafel at Nasir’s. I was kind of uncomfortable with that, because the women were serving us, and not eating with us. Somehow, as a white woman, I was able to eat with the men, but not his female family members.

This whole experience lit a fire under me. The pyramids. Which Nasir took me to, on his camel of course. The activations from those structures still resonate through my being. The patriarchy. Which made me so much more aware of why the Divine Feminine is needed in this world. And by life. Amidst different cultures and languages, I still found the women, and we danced. We danced, and we celebrated. 

And shortly after, I left Cairo… back to Dahab, where I would spend a little more time, before taking a cab and a bus ride to Israel, to see a Hebrew lover I had met a long the way… 

…To be continued!


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I gave up a big addiction, and a shit-ton of fear followed...

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In the last 9~ish months, I've slowly parted ways with my addiction of choice. 

You know that thing most of us have, that we reach to when we're feeling emotional, bored, or heck... even happy? Mine was weed. From lighting up a joint at the end of most days (yet knowing it wasn't supporting me) - I went to an average of smoking once a week, to now, not at all for the last 3 months. 

And as such, my go-to escapist practice has gone, I'm left with actually feeling what I was covering up. 

What I'm finding has not surprised me, I knew it was there - but the degree to which Im feeling what's coming up, has. There have been moments nothing short of terror in the past few months, as the old stagnant stuff comes up and out. 

What has been coming up? 

Fear of being in my body. Fear that it's not safe to be a human in this world. Fear OF my body. 

And by fear, I mean terror. Sheer terror lives in certain places of my energy body, from my ancestors, past lives, and trauma of this life. 

This has manifested in a pattern.

A sort of, frazzled, energy. A feeling like I can't fully, deeply, and truly relax. My root literally feels constricted and in fight or flight mode. Like a lion might come attack me in any moment. 

Most of us have a version of this, going on. It often shows up as a need to do. A need to make money. A need to feel consistently productive. Because if we're not making money, or being productive, we're not taking care of ourselves, and then, of course, everything will fall apart and we'll die a lonely death, in a hole (or so the ego tells us). 

As much as I'm into wealth consciousness, this is one of the issues I have with people learning how to make more money, through spirituality. It's usually a cover up for deeper issues. Until the deeper issues are looked at, wealth consciousness is yet another practice to try to 'fix' ourselves. But I digress... 

As I'm aware of this constriction in my root, I'm showing up. I'm showing up for deeper healing. And I'd like to share 2 focuses I have right now, that have come from my inner guidance, in case you can relate to my story...

In order to feel safer in my body, these are my current practices: 


PLEASURABLE PUSSY POWER


Yes you read that right. I did in fact just say pleasurable pussy power. I'm reading Pussy, A Reclamation right now, by Regena Thomashauer. It's exactly the medicine I need. In the book, she guides us to reclaim our pussies as pleasurable power centers. And she uses that term, rather than vagina, or yoni, for a reason. (Which she details in the book) I'm into it. I'm over words for vagina / vulva being used as derogatory words. It is indeed time we reclaim them.

Anyway, through reading this book, it's come to my attention my pussy has some CRAZY POWER that's been suppressed my whole life. I wasn't even aware. I mean - I dance a lot, I do womb massage, I work with yoni eggs, I speak my mind. But as I tune into this area of my body, I FEEL the tension!

The constriction in my root, feels like the power of my ancestresses that denied their pleasure, their pussies, their wombs, for CENTURIES! It's like all of that suppressed power wants to come through... me... and NOW. So what am I doing to honour her? A recent practice is I bought a pussy mirror. Yes. I just said that. I bought a round mirror whose entire purpose is to look at my vagina. How do you feel when you just read that? Most women would feel a sense of discomfort. We think our vaginas are ugly. We've been taught to fear them. So this practice helps me to own the beauty of this power center.

Im also simply being more aware of my pleasurable pussy throughout the day. Im breathing into her. Placing my hand on her throughout the day. Letting her tell me when it's time for a pleasure break, like dancing. If you want to know more, I highly recommend checking out the book I mentioned. Lots of practices and guidance are in there. 

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PRIMAL PRACTICE 


I now have a primal practice. A few times a week, I'll get naked, put on some tribal bass-y music, and dance. And not just dance. I will SCREAM. I will HOWL. I will GROWL. I will use my legs. I'll bang the floor. I'll shake my snake rattle. I'll cover my body in clay. In short, I will get fucking crazy. It's great. 

After I do this, I feel like I just did a huge workout. I'm aware that the fear that lives in my energy body just needs to MOVE! All the times I was told not to cry, not to scream, as a child - imprinted - and I, like most of us, learned to suppress strong emotions. This is why we're depressed! We have all this suppressed energy inside of us, that needs to GET OUT! When I do this, I also open my root, I open my connection to my animal self, I open my connection to my ancestors. 

Little by little, with consistent practice, I feel these practices will bring me great healing. 

I hope they serve you too, if you decide to take them on!

**And also a note, so I can maintain a sense of full honesty. I'm not a "I will never use substances ever" kind of gal. I would love to be able to have a healthy relationship with weed, where I can smoke it occasionally, whether ceremonially, or while dancing with friends. I say this because if I ever decide to light up a joint, I don't want my ego coming in being all like "But you told the whole world you didn't smoke weed anymore!". 


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My Unexpected Magdalene Pilgrimage...

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I didn’t intend to set out on a Magdalene pilgrimage. That summer, before I left, all I knew was I needed to get to Greece. I had booked a Priestress training with my mentor Eden in California, and intended to fly to Europe after that. 

Once I got to Europe, I began my travels through the south of Spain, and after a few weeks, finally landed in Greece. 

Greece was beyond anything I could have imagined. I fell so in love with the lands and waters… remembering them as home from other lifetimes. 

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But the wifi in Greece was not the best. I was trying to run my online based business, and had run into difficulties with the internet in both Spain and Greece. When I searched for help, few people could understand my need for fast wifi, and I started researching. I wanted to find a space where I could commune with other entrepreneurs, who lived a similar lifestyle as I did. I needed fast wifi to do live videos and ceremonies. 

And that’s when I found Dahab, Egypt. 

So, funnily enough, it wasn’t the temples or the pyramids that brought me to Egypt (consciously anyway…), it was a co-working space, set on the shores of the Red Sea. It promised fast wi-fi, a community of entrepreneurs, and views of the sea from our desks. Dahab was an ancient outpost of the Bedouin tribes, and was now attracting a lot of free spirits to experience it’s snorkeling, scuba diving, and laid-back energy. I was in!

My last stop in Greece, before I flew to Egypt, was Delphi - an ancient mecca of Priestess consciousness, and the spiritual centre of Ancient Greece. 

As I sat there in Delphi, activated and full of remembrance of ancient times, I waited for the very modern bus to take me to the airport in Athens. As I sat at the bus stop, I couldn’t believe it. Previously, I had no plans to visit Egypt on this trip. But here I was, mere hours away from returning to the Middle East, a place I’d lived as a child, and a place I remembered deep in my bones from lives past. 

As I landed in Egypt, the Middle East radiated through me. From the moment I arrived, everything was potent. It was challenging to be there. There was so much energy moving through me, so much activation. It felt really intense. It was also strange and sad to remember the magic of the ancient times, juxtaposed with the profound Patriarchal culture that had woven it’s way through the deserts and mountains. 

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While in Dahab, I had no plans to leave. I thought I was simply there to work on a project, and soak up the Middle East. I thought the pyramids and the temples would be for another trip. In some ways, I didn’t feel ready. 

But then… 

I watched a video of a spiritual teacher I follow. It was from years ago, but in it, she was standing in front of the pyramids, describing the frequency, and the power of the structures.

I felt it. 
I knew it. 
I had to go. 

Within 24 hours I was on a night bus to Cairo. 

And that’s when my Magdalene Pilgrimage began. 

I went alone, as I often do. 

I sat on the bus for 8 hours, crossing many gateways with guards carrying machine guns. 

Coming into Cairo was one of the strangest experiences of my life. Groggy from an overnight bus, I looked out the windows to see the lands come into view, in the morning light. 

Sand, dust, grey, beige, everywhere. And then - Cairo. Derelict buildings stood, in the same desert colours, washed out by sand. But these buildings were still inhabited. The levels of poverty I witnessed were profound. 

The city had a sort of chaotic desert madness to it. I’ve been a lot of places. I’ve traveled to South Africa on my own, Asia, South America, Central America, Australia, Europe, the States… and I’ve never experienced culture shock like I did when I got to Cairo. I felt like I was in another world. 

I felt a mix of being extremely uncomfortable, and like I was on a supreme mission. Im a nature girl. The chaos of the city, and the lack of any green life overwhelmed me, coupled with the fact that I was in a very conservative place as a solo female. 

And yet, I felt a sense of rightness. A magnetic pull to be in the frequency of the pyramids. 

Once I got off the bus, my Airbnb host picked me up, and took me to my apartment for the next 3 days. 

And that’s when I first saw the pyramids. 

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Nothing can really prepare you for seeing the pyramids. Especially if you’ve always felt a connection with Ancient Egypt. 

My apartment looked over a golf course right under the pyramids, and for 3 days, I had a very close, direct view, of them. 

Jeshua and Mary Magdalene were initiated in the Great Pyramid
, as well as many other initiates of Isis and other sacred orders. They carry a frequency that goes well past the 3rd dimensional reality we can see. 

And quite frankly, they activated the shit out of me. 

… To be continued. 


In part 2 and 3 of my Magdalene Pilgrimage adventures I will continue my journey through Egypt, and then through Israel and the South of France. 


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The 'right' way to show up for spirituality - and a middle finger to it. ♥

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There's a standard in the spiritual community of what the 'right' way is ~ to live your life and to show up for your path.

It typically includes:


♥ A thorough morning routine, not to be missed, which includes meditation, yoga, green juice, and maybe some journaling, or chanting

♥ GOING FOR IT, going for your dreams, no matter what, acting every day to make them happen

♥ Manifesting abundance, and lots of it. Working on your relationship with money all the time

♥ Feeling sexy and practicing tantric techniques. If you're a woman, getting to know your womb + yoni

♥ Taking digital detoxes and getting away from the computer often

♥ Doing potent cleanses frequently, like juice cleanses, water fasts, coffee enemas, and the like.

If your news feed is anything like mine, you're inundated with information and 'inspiration' about how you should be doing all of these things, all the time, and then YOU, TOO, will be hitting the 'mark' as a spiritual being. You'll get your gold medal in the spiritual olympics, and will be able to be happy, rich, and healthy, basically all the time, if you follow the above steps. 

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Thats great and everything, but let's take a moment to be human... 

Although having a spiritual practice, taking care of our bodies, and working on our mindset are all amazing things and DO have an impact on our wellbeing, 

Here's the real shit... 

✦ Sometimes it's all we can do to get out of bed in the morning. ✦


We have cycles as humans.

Sometimes we're on fire... 

We can do all the things, 
We have energy for them, 
And we feel great. 
YAY!

And sometimes... 

Life hits us over the head with a cosmic hammer, 
And we have no inspiration or motivation to do a damn thing.

✦ This is called integration, 
And it currently gets very little space held for it, in the spiritual community. ✦


In my opinion, there really is only ONE thing we are being asked to do, to stay aligned with our Spirit. (And it's totally OK if we can't do it too, because that's a part of the learnings and our growth)

And that is... LOVING OURSELVES. 

Loving the one who can't get out of bed cause you feel so damn depressed. 

Loving the one who is trying her best. 

Loving your heart, as is. 

Loving your body, and respecting her process.

Loving the one who judges herself. 

Loving you. Just as you are. No strings attached. 


That's it. 
That's all. 

If you really want to grow spiritually, in my current understanding, that's pretty much the only thing you need to be focusing on. 

So consider this a little love note from me to you, that honours whatever process you're in. 

You actually don't need to run through a spiritual obstacle course everyday to be 'on purpose'.

You just need to love yourself, wherever you are. And you can start now by placing one hand on your heart and saying "I love you." It doesn't matter if you don't fully feel it, just keep saying it. Eventually, it will stick.

I love you. ♥


I used to have mild depression…this is how i healed it

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I used to have mild depression. For years, I would go in and out of these very lethargic states. Some days I would lie in my bed for much of the day - feeling sad, feeling pain, or often-times, just feeling numb and unmotivated.

I remember, once when I was teaching at a retreat in Bali, I told the facilitators that I felt 'it' coming on again... the dark hole. I was scared to go in it. I was scared it would eat me and I wouldn't come out again for a long time.

And that was the last time I felt that way.

Because instead of eating me, I ate it. I ate the shadow spaces, I ate my pain, by surrendering to it, and letting it move through me.

Since that day, many years ago, I've not experienced depression. Sad days, tough weeks, yes - but if you've experienced depression, you know that this ever-pervading state is more than just a sad day, or a tough week.

I credit healing my depression to the teachings of the Dark Goddess.

The aspect of the Divine Feminine, who teaches us to allow our pain, anger, and intense feelings, without judgement.

Often in spiritual circles, we are guided to "think positively" non-stop.

Many of us are starting to figure out that this can actually do more harm than good - as if we're suppressing our deeper emotions, we end up in a constant state of resistance - which actually worsens the depression and causes us to have big mood swings.

We will be working closely with the Dark Goddess and Her teachings, in my free journey - Walking as Priestess. {Sign up for that below}

This is a 5 day free deep dive with Kali, Isis + Mary Magdalene, and will help you get to know the Goddess in all Her aspects - helping you to embrace all of your emotions so you can integrate more of your power + brilliance into your life!