I gave up a big addiction, and a shit-ton of fear followed...

In the last 9~ish months, I've slowly parted ways with my addiction of choice. 

You know that thing most of us have, that we reach to when we're feeling emotional, bored, or heck... even happy? Mine was weed. From lighting up a joint at the end of most days (yet knowing it wasn't supporting me) - I went to an average of smoking once a week, to now, not at all for the last 3 months. 

And as such, my go-to escapist practice has gone, I'm left with actually feeling what I was covering up. 

What I'm finding has not surprised me, I knew it was there - but the degree to which Im feeling what's coming up, has. There have been moments nothing short of terror in the past few months, as the old stagnant stuff comes up and out. 

What has been coming up? 

Fear of being in my body. Fear that it's not safe to be a human in this world. Fear OF my body. 

And by fear, I mean terror. Sheer terror lives in certain places of my energy body, from my ancestors, past lives, and trauma of this life. 

This has manifested in a pattern.

A sort of, frazzled, energy. A feeling like I can't fully, deeply, and truly relax. My root literally feels constricted and in fight or flight mode. Like a lion might come attack me in any moment. 

Most of us have a version of this, going on. It often shows up as a need to do. A need to make money. A need to feel consistently productive. Because if we're not making money, or being productive, we're not taking care of ourselves, and then, of course, everything will fall apart and we'll die a lonely death, in a hole (or so the ego tells us). 

As much as I'm into wealth consciousness, this is one of the issues I have with people learning how to make more money, through spirituality. It's usually a cover up for deeper issues. Until the deeper issues are looked at, wealth consciousness is yet another practice to try to 'fix' ourselves. But I digress... 

As I'm aware of this constriction in my root, I'm showing up. I'm showing up for deeper healing. And I'd like to share 2 focuses I have right now, that have come from my inner guidance, in case you can relate to my story...

In order to feel safer in my body, these are my current practices: 

PLEASURABLE PUSSY POWER

Yes you read that right. I did in fact just say pleasurable pussy power. I'm reading Pussy, A Reclamation right now, by Regena Thomashauer. It's exactly the medicine I need. In the book, she guides us to reclaim our pussies as pleasurable power centers. And she uses that term, rather than vagina, or yoni, for a reason. (Which she details in the book) I'm into it. I'm over words for vagina / vulva being used as derogatory words. It is indeed time we reclaim them.

Anyway, through reading this book, it's come to my attention my pussy has some CRAZY POWER that's been suppressed my whole life. I wasn't even aware. I mean - I dance a lot, I do womb massage, I work with yoni eggs, I speak my mind. But as I tune into this area of my body, I FEEL the tension!

The constriction in my root, feels like the power of my ancestresses that denied their pleasure, their pussies, their wombs, for CENTURIES! It's like all of that suppressed power wants to come through... me... and NOW. So what am I doing to honour her? A recent practice is I bought a pussy mirror. Yes. I just said that. I bought a round mirror whose entire purpose is to look at my vagina. How do you feel when you just read that? Most women would feel a sense of discomfort. We think our vaginas are ugly. We've been taught to fear them. So this practice helps me to own the beauty of this power center.

Im also simply being more aware of my pleasurable pussy throughout the day. Im breathing into her. Placing my hand on her throughout the day. Letting her tell me when it's time for a pleasure break, like dancing. If you want to know more, I highly recommend checking out the book I mentioned. Lots of practices and guidance are in there. 

PRIMAL PRACTICE 

I now have a primal practice. A few times a week, I'll get naked, put on some tribal bass-y music, and dance. And not just dance. I will SCREAM. I will HOWL. I will GROWL. I will use my legs. I'll bang the floor. I'll shake my snake rattle. I'll cover my body in clay. In short, I will get fucking crazy. It's great. 

After I do this, I feel like I just did a huge workout. I'm aware that the fear that lives in my energy body just needs to MOVE! All the times I was told not to cry, not to scream, as a child - imprinted - and I, like most of us, learned to suppress strong emotions. This is why we're depressed! We have all this suppressed energy inside of us, that needs to GET OUT! When I do this, I also open my root, I open my connection to my animal self, I open my connection to my ancestors. 

Little by little, with consistent practice, I feel these practices will bring me great healing. 

I hope they serve you too, if you decide to take them on!

**And also a note, so I can maintain a sense of full honesty. I'm not a "I will never use substances ever" kind of gal. I would love to be able to have a healthy relationship with weed, where I can smoke it occasionally, whether ceremonially, or while dancing with friends. I say this because if I ever decide to light up a joint, I don't want my ego coming in being all like "But you told the whole world you didn't smoke weed anymore!". 

---

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---

My Unexpected Magdalene Pilgrimage...

I didn’t intend to set out on a Magdalene pilgrimage. That summer, before I left, all I knew was I needed to get to Greece. I had booked a Priestress training with my mentor Eden in California, and intended to fly to Europe after that. 

Once I got to Europe, I began my travels through the south of Spain, and after a few weeks, finally landed in Greece. 

Greece was beyond anything I could have imagined. I fell so in love with the lands and waters… remembering them as home from other lifetimes. 

But the wifi in Greece was not the best. I was trying to run my online based business, and had run into difficulties with the internet in both Spain and Greece. When I searched for help, few people could understand my need for fast wifi, and I started researching. I wanted to find a space where I could commune with other entrepreneurs, who lived a similar lifestyle as I did. I needed fast wifi to do live videos and ceremonies. 

And that’s when I found Dahab, Egypt. 

So, funnily enough, it wasn’t the temples or the pyramids that brought me to Egypt (consciously anyway…), it was a co-working space, set on the shores of the Red Sea. It promised fast wi-fi, a community of entrepreneurs, and views of the sea from our desks. Dahab was an ancient outpost of the Bedouin tribes, and was now attracting a lot of free spirits to experience it’s snorkeling, scuba diving, and laid-back energy. I was in!

My last stop in Greece, before I flew to Egypt, was Delphi - an ancient mecca of Priestess consciousness, and the spiritual centre of Ancient Greece. 

As I sat there in Delphi, activated and full of remembrance of ancient times, I waited for the very modern bus to take me to the airport in Athens. As I sat at the bus stop, I couldn’t believe it. Previously, I had no plans to visit Egypt on this trip. But here I was, mere hours away from returning to the Middle East, a place I’d lived as a child, and a place I remembered deep in my bones from lives past. 

As I landed in Egypt, the Middle East radiated through me. From the moment I arrived, everything was potent. It was challenging to be there. There was so much energy moving through me, so much activation. It felt really intense. It was also strange and sad to remember the magic of the ancient times, juxtaposed with the profound Patriarchal culture that had woven it’s way through the deserts and mountains. 

While in Dahab, I had no plans to leave. I thought I was simply there to work on a project, and soak up the Middle East. I thought the pyramids and the temples would be for another trip. In some ways, I didn’t feel ready. 

But then… 

I watched a video of a spiritual teacher I follow. It was from years ago, but in it, she was standing in front of the pyramids, describing the frequency, and the power of the structures.

I felt it. 
I knew it. 
I had to go. 

Within 24 hours I was on a night bus to Cairo. 

And that’s when my Magdalene Pilgrimage began. 

I went alone, as I often do. 

I sat on the bus for 8 hours, crossing many gateways with guards carrying machine guns. 

Coming into Cairo was one of the strangest experiences of my life. Groggy from an overnight bus, I looked out the windows to see the lands come into view, in the morning light. 

Sand, dust, grey, beige, everywhere. And then - Cairo. Derelict buildings stood, in the same desert colours, washed out by sand. But these buildings were still inhabited. The levels of poverty I witnessed were profound. 

The city had a sort of chaotic desert madness to it. I’ve been a lot of places. I’ve traveled to South Africa on my own, Asia, South America, Central America, Australia, Europe, the States… and I’ve never experienced culture shock like I did when I got to Cairo. I felt like I was in another world. 

I felt a mix of being extremely uncomfortable, and like I was on a supreme mission. Im a nature girl. The chaos of the city, and the lack of any green life overwhelmed me, coupled with the fact that I was in a very conservative place as a solo female. 

And yet, I felt a sense of rightness. A magnetic pull to be in the frequency of the pyramids. 

Once I got off the bus, my Airbnb host picked me up, and took me to my apartment for the next 3 days. 

And that’s when I first saw the pyramids. 

Nothing can really prepare you for seeing the pyramids. Especially if you’ve always felt a connection with Ancient Egypt. 

My apartment looked over a golf course right under the pyramids, and for 3 days, I had a very close, direct view, of them. 

Jeshua and Mary Magdalene were initiated in the Great Pyramid, as well as many other initiates of Isis and other sacred orders. They carry a frequency that goes well past the 3rd dimensional reality we can see. 

And quite frankly, they activated the shit out of me. 

… To be continued. 

In part 2 and 3 of my Magdalene Pilgrimage adventures I will continue my journey through Egypt, and then through Israel and the South of France. 

---

The 'right' way to show up for spirituality - and a middle finger to it. ♥

There's a standard in the spiritual community of what the 'right' way is ~ to live your life and to show up for your path.

It typically includes:

♥ A thorough morning routine, not to be missed, which includes meditation, yoga, green juice, and maybe some journaling, or chanting

♥ GOING FOR IT, going for your dreams, no matter what, acting every day to make them happen

♥ Manifesting abundance, and lots of it. Working on your relationship with money all the time

♥ Feeling sexy and practicing tantric techniques. If you're a woman, getting to know your womb + yoni

♥ Taking digital detoxes and getting away from the computer often

♥ Doing potent cleanses frequently, like juice cleanses, water fasts, coffee enemas, and the like.

If your news feed is anything like mine, you're inundated with information and 'inspiration' about how you should be doing all of these things, all the time, and then YOU, TOO, will be hitting the 'mark' as a spiritual being. You'll get your gold medal in the spiritual olympics, and will be able to be happy, rich, and healthy, basically all the time, if you follow the above steps. 

Thats great and everything, but let's take a moment to be human... 

Although having a spiritual practice, taking care of our bodies, and working on our mindset are all amazing things and DO have an impact on our wellbeing, 

Here's the real shit... 

✦ Sometimes it's all we can do to get out of bed in the morning. ✦

We have cycles as humans.

Sometimes we're on fire... 

We can do all the things, 
We have energy for them, 
And we feel great. 
YAY!

And sometimes... 

Life hits us over the head with a cosmic hammer, 
And we have no inspiration or motivation to do a damn thing.

✦ This is called integration, 
And it currently gets very little space held for it, in the spiritual community. ✦

In my opinion, there really is only ONE thing we are being asked to do, to stay aligned with our Spirit. (And it's totally OK if we can't do it too, because that's a part of the learnings and our growth)

And that is... LOVING OURSELVES. 

Loving the one who can't get out of bed cause you feel so damn depressed. 

Loving the one who is trying her best. 

Loving your heart, as is. 

Loving your body, and respecting her process.

Loving the one who judges herself. 

Loving you. Just as you are. No strings attached. 

That's it. 
That's all. 

If you really want to grow spiritually, in my current understanding, that's pretty much the only thing you need to be focusing on. 

So consider this a little love note from me to you, that honours whatever process you're in. 

You actually don't need to run through a spiritual obstacle course everyday to be 'on purpose'.

You just need to love yourself, wherever you are. And you can start now by placing one hand on your heart and saying "I love you." It doesn't matter if you don't fully feel it, just keep saying it. Eventually, it will stick.

I love you. ♥

---

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---

I used to have mild depression…this is how i healed it

I used to have mild depression. For years, I would go in and out of these very lethargic states. Some days I would lie in my bed for much of the day - feeling sad, feeling pain, or often-times, just feeling numb and unmotivated.

I remember, once when I was teaching at a retreat in Bali, I told the facilitators that I felt 'it' coming on again... the dark hole. I was scared to go in it. I was scared it would eat me and I wouldn't come out again for a long time.

And that was the last time I felt that way.

Because instead of eating me, I ate it. I ate the shadow spaces, I ate my pain, by surrendering to it, and letting it move through me.

Since that day, many years ago, I've not experienced depression. Sad days, tough weeks, yes - but if you've experienced depression, you know that this ever-pervading state is more than just a sad day, or a tough week.

I credit healing my depression to the teachings of the Dark Goddess.

The aspect of the Divine Feminine, who teaches us to allow our pain, anger, and intense feelings, without judgement.

Often in spiritual circles, we are guided to "think positively" non-stop.

Many of us are starting to figure out that this can actually do more harm than good - as if we're suppressing our deeper emotions, we end up in a constant state of resistance - which actually worsens the depression and causes us to have big mood swings.

We will be working closely with the Dark Goddess and Her teachings, in my free journey - Walking as Priestess. {Sign up for that below}

This is a 5 day free deep dive with Kali, Isis + Mary Magdalene, and will help you get to know the Goddess in all Her aspects - helping you to embrace all of your emotions so you can integrate more of your power + brilliance into your life!

---

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In these journeys, we’ll meditate with the dolphins and angels! First, you’ll activate your Pleiadian and Sirian starseed DNA, with the dolphins. Then, you’ll receive a healing from the Divine Feminine Archangels. And in the 3rd meditation, you’ll receive a powerful activation from the Blue Ray and Archangel Michael!

🐬 Join our Facebook group ~ The Dolphin Rose Temple!

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Sexuality. I used to suppress it. Big time...

Sexuality. ★ One of the juiciest energies in my life today, use to be one of the most foreign.

I grew up taught to believe that sex was between a man and wife... and that's the extent of what sexuality meant.

The climate of sexual suppression I grew up in, meant that, by the time I was 17, I remember telling my best friend: "I don't know what it feels like to be "turned on."

Now Im sure some nice church loving ladies would be thrilled by that statement, and feel that a 17 year old girl should absolutely not know what it feels like to be aroused...

But the wild woman in me thinks that's actually really sad.

Because the experience of being "turned on", is not just about wanting to have sex...

~ I can feel turned on by life, open to endless possibilities and new opportunities
~ I can feel turned on by my own body, dancing the night away feeling the flames of passion and joy ripple through my body as I move
~ I can feel turned on by a creative project, feeling so excited to create something beautiful, meaningful and new
~ AND... I can be turned on by a lover, letting my body and soul soften and open up to the sensuality of moving in rhythm with a beloved, his heart, his body...

I claim sexuality as sacred now. 
I've done a lot of work around this, and I have more to do.

But I am still SHOCKED, to this day, when I share my views on sex - that I hold it as sacred, even when it's raw, primal, and crazy - how many people ask... "What do you mean by that?"

I can witness how many of us hold so much shame around sexuality... owning our bodies, finding pleasure in our movements, energy, and forms...

This has been conditioned into us. By the church. By patriarchy.

But it's time it stops.

★ Our bodies are holy. 
★ Our sexuality is PURE. 
★ Sex can initiate us into the orgasmic creative power of the Universe. 
★ Sex literally CAME from God/dess.

...In order to witness a revolution around sexuality,
We must experience a revolution in ourselves....

Some ways that my own inner revolution has changed me + my habits:

~ For starters... I DEFINITELY know what it feels like to be turned on... but the feeling doesn't control me. I can allow it and let it flow in different ways... (Still working on this...)

~ I no longer get sexual with men who can't really see me, who don't really love me. Even if it means I don't have sex for long periods (and I really like to have sex...) - I will say NO, if my womb and heart tell me to. No matter how sexy the guy, in question is... I now have boundaries after many years of saying yes to the wrong men who gave me red flags from the start.

~ I feel sexy. Straight up. When I dance. When I feel my hair brush against my skin. When I walk in nature and get muddy and messy. This never used to be the case. I felt cute, at best. Sexy was never a word, or a feeling, I was familiar with. Now I'm confident, and feel comfortable in claiming my beauty - in a world where we are told not to claim our beauty or our sexuality, because it's 'arrogant' or 'slutty' (...gag). *For example, I NEVER would have posted a picture like the on above 5+ years ago... NEVER NEVER NEVER... Now? Fuck it... I like the picture :)

~ I allow the excitement and joy of sexual energy to fuel me... This creates an aura of happiness + magnetism in my field, that pulls in all sorts of fun things - new friends, plane tickets, synchronistic adventures, clients, and more.

Like I said, in order to get to this place, after having the whole idea of sexuality be completely foreign to me, I had to do a lot of 'work', a lot of breathing, a lot of dancing, a lot of questioning, a lot of journaling, a lot of working things out through relationship...

I'm offering a free ceremonial activation of your Sacred Sexuality, with Mary Magdalene, in a free 5 day journey called Walking as Priestess. You can sign up below to receive it!

Are we honouring the Dark Goddess? Or bypassing...

"I just feel really agitated lately, since the Plant Medicine, Anytime someone is all in the "love everything" vibe, I just feel agitated."

"Me too," I echoed, chiming in, in solidarity, "Lately when people are like "Love, all is love, I love everyone and everything!", I'm like "I hate you", and then I think "Omg Beth!" - because that's so not me. I know it's just a process."

I felt a shift in the room.

Is hate a strong word? Yes. Was I in a healing workshop? Yes. But that's how I felt - how I'd been feeling. I didn't censor myself.

I was at a breathwork workshop, and we were at the end of the circle, sharing about our experiences and what we've been going through lately.

At the start of the journey, we were told - all emotions are welcome here, nothing is ugly, nothing is bad.

And yet, I could feel, from one person especially, sitting across from me, what I stated, was indeed 'wrong' or at least, very distasteful in some way. Some comments were then shared about what irritation is all about, or how to process it. The energy was - "Let's help you 'fix' this".

And this, my friends, is where we're at --- we talk about letting all emotions be OK, making space for them. Learning to love anger as we love light...

But we don't live it.

We don't embody it.

Even me, as I left the workshop, I felt ashamed for sharing the potent energy inside of me. "I shouldn't have shared that, the space wasn't being held for me."

But even there, I caught myself, I was ashamed of my own powerful feelings. Thinking they must not be OK, if they triggered other people, by simply sharing them.

I had to breathe through those feelings for hours.

But sitting here now, I feel differently.

I have sacred rage inside of me.

And grief underneath that.

During a recent Plant Ceremony, I had a past life recall that was so intense, I could do nothing but cry like an animal, when it surfaced. I didn't even know I could make sounds like that.

And now, in the wake - yes I'm angry. Yes I have grief.

And yes, that's all OK. My soul has been through a lot. (Can you relate?)

...

It's time the healing community learns the difference between being in a genuine space of love, and simply spiritual bypassing, floating in the higher chakras.

If you state you are in a deep vibration of love, but cower back and judge another who is not feeling the same way - you are not in a true space of love, you're in an unintegrated state.

If you state you are in a deep vibration of love, and feel your heart grow wider, your compassion growing deeper, as someone shares the nitty gritty of their darker depths - you ARE in a space of love.

Is it a touch arrogant for me to be defining when someone is genuinely in a space of love, and when they aren't?

Maybe.

But what feels real is this - As spiritual brothers and sisters, it's time to honour the Dark Goddess.

Not from our minds.
Not as a concept.

But from an embodied knowingness.

She is the crazy bitch who takes you in the night and throws you deep in the pit of your own fears, to wake you the fuck up.

She is the one who stands at the gateways between birth and death - yonis splitting open in blood and screams. Last breaths being taken as souls return to the Mystery.

She is the one with unending compassion and love, who guides you to see your own bullshit so you can be who you truly are.

And 99% of the time - she ain't pretty.

I pray we grow, together, to appreciate Her and hold space for Her.

To not cower in fear or judgement when She speaks, when She roars.

For I truly believe, it is in honouring Her, that we will restore this Earth to balance.

So my dear, 
I leave you with this,
I honour your darkness, 
I honour the shadow that inhabits it, 
And I honour the sacredness of the void that lives inside of you.

You are not too much, 
What is inside of you, is not too much,
For me.

---

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🐬 Join our Facebook group ~ The Dolphin Rose Temple!

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Time for greater authenticity in friendships...

Time for greater authenticity in friendships. 
Especially with females. 
I understand we have sisterhood wounding. 
And sometimes it's hard to get past. 
But I no longer have space for fake friends.

Yes, I can feel you when you judge me. 
Or flip flop between wanting to tear me down + cheer for me. 
I can feel when your intentions for me are not the best. 
And I notice when you say you'll be there for me, 
But when it comes down to it, 
You aren't.

I don't care if you talk about spirituality, 
Or if your work is supporting women. 
I can read through the lines, 
Feel through your words.

I'm done pretending I cant, 
And I'm done making excuses for you.

I can have compassion, because I know it can be hard to let down our walls sometimes. 
But I will have to let you tear those walls down from afar. 
And ask you to call me when you've processed.

Because I'm coming into a space where I am clear about what I'm worth,
And how I deserve to be treated.

There is a difference between seeing someone as my mirror, 
Honouring my own shit,
And receiving triggers as medicine,

And ...

Letting someone in my field, 
Who is not actually supporting me, 
But pretending they are.

Thank you to my friends who unconditionally love and support me,  
And are honest with me about where you're at. 
Thank fully, there are quite a few of you, 
And I'm grateful.

I am learning, growing, changing, 
Once happy to let anyone in my field, 
Now, letting nature and my intuition tell me who is good for me, 
And who to let go of.

All this, said in loving boundaries, 
From someone who used to have 0.

---

Are feelings of "not-enoughness" getting you down?

In the work that I do, I get the privilege of speaking to many people behind the scenes... I'm not sure how many readings and coaching sessions I have given at this point, but certainly to hundreds and hundreds of people, possibly a thousand.

With this, comes getting to know what's happening "behind the scenes". With my intention to hold safe space, many people tell me things they don't tell many of their friends.

And with this, I can most certainly say...

You are not alone.

Whatever struggle you're experiencing, whatever shadow in your soul is pushing you into psychosis, whatever wounds you have... you are not alone.

I speak to the people that seem to have it all.

I speak to the people that seem limitlessly confident.

I speak to the people who are wealthy and have successful businesses on the outside.

I speak to the people who have flawless photography.

And I hear them.

I hear their demons, their fears, their insecurities, their heart pain, their wounding.... I have the honour of knowing what's going on behind the scenes.

And though all of this information will stay forever confidential, what I've learned from it, will not.

We are more alike than we seem. 
Every single person is going through some sort of internal struggle. 
We all have times we don't feel good enough and compare. 
We all have dark nights of the soul.

And in this, we are unconditionally loved. It is my invitation for you, in this moment, to drop the comparing mind, if only just for this moment, and realize, how much is going on under the surface of the facade.

May we be brave enough to share our behind the scenes experiences so others don't feel so lonely. And may we be wise enough to see behind the scenes and know we are all one human heart, beating together.

No one is left behind.

I love you. 
Thank you for trusting me enough to share your depths. 
Thank you for your Spirit. 
Which is unconditionally loved, 
Held, 
And true.

---

Did you resonate with this post?

Here are some ways we can connect more deeply…

🐬 Download 3 free Dolphin Rose guided meditations, that I’ve created for you!

In these journeys, we’ll meditate with the dolphins and angels! First, you’ll activate your Pleiadian and Sirian starseed DNA, with the dolphins. Then, you’ll receive a healing from the Divine Feminine Archangels. And in the 3rd meditation, you’ll receive a powerful activation from the Blue Ray and Archangel Michael!

🐬 Join our Facebook group ~ The Dolphin Rose Temple!

🐬 Follow me on Instagram! @the.dolphin.rose.temple