And there you are in my newsfeed, with your sexy smile...

Oh and there you are in my newsfeed
Popping up with your sexy smile
Even though we are friends
I was interested in more
And you politely declined

And there I witness that part of me
That yearns for validation
Oh if you liked me
Then I would be sexy too

And so we do this
For I know I’m not alone
Searching the world for people
To validate our self-worth

Temporary highs, we gain
And yet, inevitably
If I adhere to the old way
Of validation from the outside

When they don’t like me
Or I say something “wrong”
I come crashing down

But everytime I crash
I grow stronger and smarter
For I dont like that feeling at all

Here I am, in all my glory, whole
Like you, like us all, 
And I can no longer afford,

To wiggle my way into your graces
That are so temporary
That are so… unsatisfying

I’m amazing
Not because you say I am
Or don’t
Not because I’m better than
Or less

But because I’m a child of the Universe
With stars running through my veins
And a beating cosmic heart lives inside of me
A testament
To the unconditional love

That I am

---

Why I cried in the Louvre in Paris...

I walked into the Louvre with one single intent: to visit the Ancient Egyptian collection. As I passed through the famed glass pyramid and descended into the matrix that is the museum, I marveled at the sheer breadth of this storehouse of antiquities. 

Walking through collection after collection, I did not stop until I reached the green sign that let me know that I’d found my intended location: The home of Ancient Egyptian Antiquities. 

My eyes immediately found the eye of Horus, painted and shaped with turquoise and black. I meandered then into the next room, which housed ancient sarcophagi - most painted with Isis, the Ancient Egyptian Mother Goddess who lives still, in and through, so many of us. 

As I gazed into the images painted on the ancient wood, I felt my heart connect with the Ancients. A well of emotion rose within me and I started crying, quickly wrapping my pink scarf around my head to give me a bit of privacy, as fellow museum-goers moved all around me. In the well of emotion, I knew something to be true - I missed Egypt. What Egypt was. I desperately missed life among my Priestesses and brothers of Isis and Hathor, Osiris and Horus. My heart broke open, until I was reminded of something Mary Magdalane told me etherically while in her Grotto in Southern France, “don’t long for the past, the present houses what you truly desire and need”. 

I breathed in and continued to walk around the room. Again I stared at another image of Isis, and was met by a wave of remembrance. This time, the remembrance showed me hatred I still carried in my being, which still deeply affected me to this day. It is hard to admit, but I hated my sisters in that moment. Not all of them. But I remembered the dissolving of the sanctuaries we’d created, how some women chose to “sell out”, in the terminology we use today. How they paraded their positions of power or Priestessing to the Patriarchal elite, for safety, luxury, or more power, diminishing the true aspect of who we were as devotees to the Divine Feminine. Confusing the publics view of how to return home to the heart space, and convoluting everything we had worked for. 

Again, I started crying, as I am now as I type this. I felt where I had stored this hatred, deep in my root chakra. I felt how this comes up in my life as Im wary of fellow sisters, especially those in a position of leadership, as I now understood on deeper levels, I subconsciously question the integrity of many whom I meet. 

I also noticed the way I judge this pattern in me. Part of me enacting the fear, and part of me judging it, because that’s not the way I’m supposed to relate to my fellow women. 

All of this came up and I wept, but after I left the Louvre, I knew something had been cleared. I remembered more of myself. And I know that something was lifted yesterday. I know I’ll continue to see remnants of this pattern come up in my life - mistrust in powerful sisters - but now I can have more compassion for this shadow side, because I know it’s not from a place of malevolence. Deep down, it’s from a desire for clarity, and integrity. And in compassion for my shadow, I can heal it. 

Blessings be to all beings, and may we open to the true codes of remembrance that are offered to us, everyday.

---

On judging my sisters...

I’m in the South of France right now, and have been calling on Mary Magdalene’s energy a lot. Her energy is strong here, as these are the lands she landed on after fleeing her Middle Eastern homelands, after the death of her Beloved, Jesus.

When I was in the bath the other night, I called on her presence and felt her energy with me. She asked me to open up to my sisters even more, to have less judgement for them, and to go deeper into healing the wounds of separation between us.

For a mili-second, I wanted another message, as I do love receiving guidance that’s, well.. not pointing out things I need to work on. But then I got over it and realized, she was very right, and in that moment I chose to come into my next level of opening.

You see… I’m too harsh with my sisters, I’ll admit it, mostly online. This shows up when I see fellow coaches, I’ll come up with reasons why their work isn’t as authentic as mine, or I’ll point out energy I can feel in their field that isn’t as resonant with love as it could be. 

But guess what. That’s me, and that’s my own insecurities talking. Big time. Underneath the judgement lies that sneaky little fear that says I’m not good enough. And sometimes when other people shine, that part of me feels threatened. That fear likes to come up in a big haughty voice, overcompensating - and declaring she’s ‘better’ than other people, more authentic, more real…. Funny how that works. Believe me I’m cringing a bit as I write this. My truth knows a much different story, but I’m being honest. These are the things that still play out inside of me.

So right here, right now, I declare to step it up. 

I choose to open to my sisters more deeply, and in the last few days, I’ve been catching myself when I veer into judgment. Most of the time, I find I’m in judgement when someone is actually really badass and doing great things. So I’ve been practicing going into the energy of celebrating. Celebrating that sister for what’s she’s putting out there, and her energy. And I can tell you, it feels ALOT better, a lot lighter. When I judge, I create a problem inside of myself.. friction. The moment I veer into celebration instead, that ‘problem’ goes away, and all is well. 

This is the path. I won’t be perfect at this, but everyday I’ll do better. Because the truth is that every woman, and even every man and child, is a badass, amazing soul. And it’s my job to see that. Each and every day. 

---

The King Lives Within

And there it is

The part of me

That can feel your lips

On mine

Tantalizing me

Of a future

I cannot yet see

But there in that moment

I have a choice

To put my energy outward

And search in longing

Or to call upon my warrior within

Proud brave and true

He lives inside me

Just like you

I call upon him to merge

With my feminine essence

Knowing I am male and female

And as I bring him in

Call him out

He teaches me

I don't need you

I want you

But I don't need you

There is a difference

Oh my dear

There is

A big

Difference

And so I will play

Getting to know the man within

For he'll always be with me

He is my true King

He embodies all

All the masculinity there is

And you

Are a function

Of Him

Not to diminish you

For your light is true

But to claim you as King

Would not be real

For the King and the Queen

Already live

Happily in my heart

It is I who must feed them

And make sure

They're never apart

The water is turquoise and perfect. ~ His amber eyes are full of presence

You know those moments
Where everything just falls into place

The water is turquoise and perfect
His amber eyes are full of presence
The sun hits my skin just right
And it feels a little
Like heaven

And yet
You know it's fleeting
Life will continue to flow
This way and that
And the moment slips through our fingers
Never meant to last
Because life
Does not work like that

I decided
Today
I would not worry
or fret
About what was
Or what is to be

But I would let myself understand
That it is me
That makes life
Happy

I am the center
Of all I live
And in every moment
I choose to see
Divine perfection

Deciding not to long for days past
But to embrace the tides

Years ago
I would have been content
To dwell
In longing

But I'm changed now
I know too much
Life is too good
To waste
Longing for
What was

Let's open to the flow
It's only natural for things to go
But this moment offers everything
Just as it always has

Just as it always will

She could see through my pain...

Sitting in front of my mentor, as I had been for the past 2 days, in deep retreat, I couldn't hold the shadow in, any longer.

Here I was, sitting in front of 2 sisters who held so much unconditional love in their eyes, that it was both incredible and obvious... I was still grappling with wounds of not-enoughness, of not being worthy.

Here again, was this old, and in some ways, familiar voice, whispering...

"You don't really belong here. They don't really love you. If they knew who you really were, they wouldn't accept you. This unconditional love stuff does not apply to you. You are the exception."

 

I had become aware of this voice, in another of my mentor's temples, over the last year or so.

It's a really shitty voice. It makes me feel so separate.

And as I was feeling into this pain, my mentor Eden could see it clearly, and through my tears I connected with her eyes...

"Beloved, I love you unconditionally.

I already see you, I already love you. There is nothing you can do to make me not love you. There is nothing you can do to make me love you. I simply love you.

We don't do that anymore. We don't throw Priestesses out any more for not abiding by certain codes. That's over."

A huge well of grief arose within me and poured out as tears through my eyes, and as sobs through my gut.

The nature of alchemical work in a Priestess container is interesting. So often, as I walk this path of remembrance... deep feelings will arise within me, alluding to memories that I can't quite remember... reminding me of experiences that I can't quite put my finger on.

But there it was.

Clearly Eden had touched something very deep. And spoken words that needed to be spoken.

It is only me who keeps myself separate.

And in that moment, I was able to burst through the lie of separation, just a little bit more.

I was able to see the lie that I am unlovable in any way.

This, this is medicine. And I continue to walk this path. To remind myself that I am deeply lovable, in all of my shadows, in all of my pain, that there really and truly is, only love.

I share this with you today because I want you to know the places in which I am raw. I felt them today. Gazing over the Spanish mountains and knowing that I was in such beautiful place... and yet for hours, all I could feel was anguish and resistance. Something had triggered the shadows yet to be loved.

I have them.
These pockets of unworthiness.
I'm willing to guess you have them, too.
And together, we are lovable in them.

And when we honour that the pain we feel, lives inside all of us, we can find a togetherness in the shadow. A togetherness, and an understanding of our oneness, that is able to transmute it.

Because the truth is, you are lovable, I am lovable.

In all the places we've held back out of fear.

In all the places only we know about.

In all the places that drive us to addictions, or so called self-defeating behaviors.

We are lovable.

We are one.

And I am with you.

xo Beth

I got my heart broken in Mexico. And for that, I'm grateful

It was about 7 weeks into my trip to Mexico. I had seen some amazing things, and met some wonderful people, and was sitting in a water-front restaurant, waiting for my meal.

That’s when he walked in.

We made eye contact, he turned to face the bar, and I literally mouthed “WOW!” because he was so beautiful, and his eyes were so kind.

Now when I see beautiful men I do either one of two things. Stare at them, not talk to them, and keep this mysterious broody vibe that doesn’t get me anywhere. Or I just go up and say hello. Mostly it’s number 1. That day, it was number 2.

I started a conversation with him, after asking him if he spoke English. “A little bit”, he replied. My intuition popped in, and told me to ask him about sailing, as I was wanting to on a sailing adventure around the turquoise lagoon I was staying on.

“Do you do sailing tours?” I asked.

“Yes!” He replied.

Good one intuition.

We arranged to go sailing later that day. Once a couple hours had passed, we met up. He was wearing just his board shorts and a hat, and it was like my body melted when I saw him. Not only that, but we had an amazing soul connection. Even though his English wasn’t that great, conversation flowed easily, and he laughed at all of my jokes, which is great, cause some people really just don’t get them haha. :)

About 10 minutes into talking, while he grabbed a beer before we went for our sail, he told me that he lived about 15 minutes away, in the jungle. He said there was a campground there, but not much else. He then, in typical direct latino style, looked me straight in the eyes and said “That’s where you can stay when you visit me.”

I was hooked.

Everything about him lit up my body like no one in a very long time had. The amber colour of his eyes made my heart open up really wide. He looked at me with pureness in his heart.

We spent a few hours sailing, swimming, and chatting. He kissed me. It was amazing. He asked me out for dinner. Of course, I said yes.

That night we went sailing again, under the Full Moon. We slept on his catamaran, and woke up to the sunrise over the crystal clear water, and birds singing their morning tunes.

He dropped me off at the docks near my Airbnb, and invited me to come to his house. We arranged that I would come to his little jungle palace the next day…

Different possibilities swirled around in my mind. I knew I just met someone that blew me out of the water. Everything about him was amazing. He was beyond sexy, kind, and a total nature lover who preferred to spend his time alone in the jungle. He talked about spiritual ceremonies, and how everything was one. I wondered how long we would end up spending together, as I planned to fly home 2 or 3 weeks later.

The next day, I packed my bags and showed up at his jungle house, which turned out to be this amazing, eco-house right on the water. We spent the next 3 days together, sailing, chatting, making food, loving each other up, and relaxing. I liked him so much… yet I have to be honest and say that something felt a little off. When I left, we agreed that I would come back and spend more time with him… I was on my way to Tulum to meet up with a friend, and to get some space from what had just happened, so I could get a better vibe of what this relationship meant for me. I told him I’d be gone for about a week, maybe more.

When I got to my next destination, I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

I felt anxious throughout that week. I tried to call him, but never got an answer. He couldn’t call me back, because I just use Skype to call phones. He was out in the jungle with no wi-fi either, so even though I was frustrated, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I knew I was going back to see him.

A week passed, and I decided to go back to see him. The night before I left, a huge scorpion fell onto my bed in the middle of the night, but I didn’t get stung. I shared this on FB, and a friend and client wrote to me… “Sister, you’ve been blessed. For the Maya, when Scorpion visits and it doesn’t sting, it brings a powerful message. But in order to receive it, there must be a death.”

That morning, I headed back. I felt like I was walking through fire on that 3 hour bus ride. I was anxious, and didn’t know what to expect. I knew he really liked me, but I was wondering why I couldn’t get a hold of him. Why I felt so far from peace.

I showed up at his house, that evening.

No one was home. I walked in, and instantly saw a traveller’s backpack in the kitchen. I went over to it, and peeked inside, like a creep, but I didn’t care. I needed to know. Yep… a bikini top. A girl was staying there.

Right then, he walked up, solo… and looked a bit surprised to see me. His energy was different. After saying hello, I just asked him straight up… “Is there a girl staying here?”

“Yes” he said.

“OK, I guess I’ll go.”

“See you later?” He asked, implying that I would come back when this girl had finished staying with him.

“No.” I told him. “I’ve been thinking about you for a week, and you’re already with another girl.”

His face fell.

“Do you have 5 minutes to talk? I wanted to tell you some things.”

And I did. I wanted to tell him, I had a profound experience the day before. I saw that we had known each other in various lives, that our connection was big, was forever, but we weren’t meant to be long-term lovers. We were powerful soul friends. We were spiritual teachers who had come to this planet in our wholeness.

“No, we have to go sailing.” He said. And I knew he was nervous that if he took his time, the other girl might come up and wonder what he was doing. She was down at the dock. About to go sailing with him. Like we had for 4 days. Ouch.

I accepted what was going on, but I grabbed his hand, looked him in the eyes, and told him how special he was to me. I started crying a bit. I was so hurt. I thought I was going back to see this man and spend more time with his soul, snuggling up to him, and sharing my recent revelations.

But instead, I found myself saying a rushed goodbye, probably for the rest of our lives.

He looked sad too. But I left.
I left and I cried and I felt so sad.

He didn’t ever message me after that.

That was the last time I talked to him.

~~~~

This experience happened in the middle of Venus retrograde - the love planet's deepest descent into the underworld, and a notorious time for our old wounds to be dredged up to be healed.

And you know what... I’m so grateful for this man, and what happened.
I have so much love in my heart for him, and I know, in other dimensions I will see him again.

I’m grateful because I got shocked into seeing my patterns, in such a painful way that I couldn’t possibly ignore the message.

You see, this was not the first guy that “hurt me”. In the last 4 years that I’ve been single, I’ve unconsciously attracted man after man that was not available. Men that thought I was crazy for having such intense emotions, or for being spiritually connected to other realms and open about it. Men that denied me and rejected me, when at first they seemed enamored with me.

Why?

After the initial moments of despair and feelings of “not enoughness” started to wear off, I realized I had to get serious about healing with the Sacred Masculine.

I could not just say 15 minutes of affirmations every 2 weeks like “I honour the Sacred Masculine. Good men show up in my life and honour me” - and expect that all would be well and dandy.

I had some deep healing to do.

I honoured that at a subconscious level, men meant ‘hurt’ to me. Men were dangerous, associated with war, and a lack of emotional empathy. Of course if I had these subconscious programs, that was what was going to show up for me.
Not only that though. My big AHA came from realizing that I have been searching for the masculine outside of myself.

I took that 3 hour bus ride, not to shower that man with love, but to “get” from him. I wanted him to snuggle me and love me. I wanted to receive his masculine energy.

I realized that time after time, I’d been chasing masculine energy outside of myself.

Yes indeed, that masculine energy was delicious, but here’s the thing - it exists within me.

And for years and years, I’ve been suppressing my masculine energy, for reasons I can’t be fully sure of, but most likely because of my soul witnessing thousands of years of oppressive patriarchy, and me making the tie between men and patriarchy.

But the sacred masculine has nothing to do with patriarchy. He is a holy, sacred energy, that is incredible at grounding, holding space, commanding resources, and so much more.

Because of this experience, I got a huge download from the Universe, that it was time to honour my own masculine energy, and let it live within me.

If I suppress my masculine, and then look for it outside of myself - I will attract chaotic experiences with my lovers.

If I honour my masculine, root into both my feminine and masculine, and allow my ideal lover to magnetize towards my unified vibrations (ie. attract, rather than chase) - I will experience majestic vibrations of healthy LOVE.

So here I am.

On my journey to heal.

Through subconscious reprogramming, meditation, visualization, ceremony, and being aware of what my intentions are with men in any given moment, I am choosing to heal.

I am fully committed.

This process will take time and it will take work, because that is the nature of Earth School.
But I’m in. I choose to heal not just for myself, but for the collective. Because the re-union of the Feminine and the Masculine is the salve that will harmonize this planet.

And as I leave you with these words, I also want to ask you a few questions to get you reflecting on your own life, and how this relates to you:

1. When you tune into your subconscious, what comes up when you think of men? (Or women, if you are a man) —- Are they scary and violent? Loving and supportive? Anything in between?
2.  What kinds of relationships are you manifesting with men? What are these relationships mirroring to you?
3. Are you aware of any limiting beliefs around your connection with men? Are you willing to start to heal them?

In love and gratitude, thank you for witnessing my story!

xo Beth

She Told Me Not to Share My Work. This Was My Reply...

The other day I wrote a post about honouring your triggers as medicine, and not blaming the other person for your anger… instead… turning and looking within for the source of your pain. Seeing what deep wound that person has just triggered.

I invited the reader to really feel that wound deeply, as a way to heal it.

Well… of course the Universe… (and on my priestess path, we call this aspect of the Universe, the Dark Goddess) - asked me to walk my talk, and do this process deeply for myself, yet again! At the end of that post the other day, I included a simple not. “For more of my writing + free trainings, head to www.bethkatherine.com)

This was an invitation for anyone who resonated with that content to go deeper into that vibration. I am on a mission to awaken the priestesses and the elementals to their true nature, and I’ve created many free offerings, and from-the-soul writings, that I feel, will serve to help that transformation and awakening come about. <3

Today, I received 2 messages from 2 different moderators of the groups. Their request - “Stop putting your website at the bottom of the posts”

You can only share in a certain way, basically, no website, no invitation to go deeper.

The unfortunate (and fortunate) thing is — is that as a result of me offering a very simple and small invitation at the bottom of that post, for those who resonated, I had dozens and dozens of women show up in my inbox, my email, and in my private FB group - thanking me for my words and my message, and expressing they were very much looking forward to going deeper.

If I wouldn’t have posted my website, they would not have found the way to enter into this vibration more deeply. (A vibration they chose, and stated that worked for them)

As I received these messages… I was angry, I was triggered.

I started writing a post about it, but thank fully, something happened and I was navigated off the page, and my post was deleted.

The post that I was writing had not yet come from the space of self-responsibility that I am asking both myself, and others to step into.

The Universe had my back, the Dark Goddess asked me to go deeper.. and so it was, that I was invited to go out for a surf with a friend.

As I sat there in the ocean, I prayed… “Spirit, guide me to be responsible for what I am feeling. Guide me to what I need to deepen into”

And then I worked with the medicine of the snake… I ate my own pain. All the pain that I had wanted to project on these women.. “They are trying to silence me!” “They can’t handle my fierceness!” … I ate instead. I breathed the pain in. I literally consumed it into my being.

I have learned this pattern from nature. Poo and dead leaves are not a gross mess to the forest.. they are gold, that once assimilated, becomes valuable nutrient, and new growth.

Once I started breathing into my pain, and owning it, 2 realizations came up:

1) <3 I still do not fully own my truth.

Kali, the Hindu Goddess of creation and destruction, lives within me, and for many who do not fully understand her medicine, she comes off as a vengeful bitch. But what she’s actually doing is challenging you to see the parts of yourself you cling to… that are not actually you, that are not actually in alignment.

My truth is loud, and Kali often writhes in my belly, the slippery snake sliding around her neck, body, and more deeply into mine, intertwining us.

I am still not fully comfortable with her power. The world has demonized her. We can see this is the ways her sacred colours - red and black - are associated with hell and evil. We can see this in the way that Christianity turned woman, the snake, and pleasure into the root of why the world fell. And this energy permeates our culture, whether we’re aware of it our not.

The feedback I was receiving from the external, was mirroring a place in myself that does not fully own my truth. The part of me that is sacred of not being liked or understood, still has a little bit of a hold in me. This shadow was reflected.

2) I am empowered.

As soon as I spoke these words to myself, out there in the water, my whole being calmed and I felt whole.

Here is the reflection for the other now, for in every situation, a myriad or medicine can come through if we are open to it. Some for me, some for you.

On the same tangent of point #1… The shadow of sisterhood (and the shadow of all humans actually) —- still has issues with a woman being loud, proud and in her truth.

When women come to each other and say… “I am small, I am weak, please help me sisters.” - that sister usually receives a lot of support. Her position doesn't threaten our ego.. we can tend her and soothe her.

But when a women (and maybe that very same woman from before, now healed!) comes to the circle and says, I AM EMPOWERED, I own my truth, I challenge you to do the same, I have deep medicine to offer, I own I can serve you. I own I have medicine. I own I have purpose. I own my empowerment. I am whole. I do not need you to validate me.

Well… often times… we shudder. I cant help but think of this very same sentiment being expressed by my contemporary Sara Sophia Eisenman recently:

<3 “Maybe we can hold our sister when she is down, and that is good. A beginning. But can we hold her when she is rising, soaring, glowing, immense and kicking ass? Can we hold her and love her when she isn't "humble" but direct and successful and bold and beautiful as the sun? Can we love her when she doesn't kowtow, back down, defer or play small for our or anyone's comfort? Can we resist the urge to crush her and "bring her down to size," and secretly revel in her failures because it "serves her right"? Can we release the old specters of jealousy and gossip and unconscious desire to be more "beautiful," popular, admired? Can we honor and celebrate her shine and success as though it is our very own? That is where the real work of sisterhood lies, on the edge, today.” <3

Personally, in my FB group, I encourage women to share their work. I know how scary it is for so many of us to come out and speak out truths and share our medicine --- and so I feel that a sisterhood and a FB group, is the PERFECT place for people to get comfortable sharing and expressing.

…....

And so I say this to those who asked me to tone it down… Thank you for the trigger. TRULY! I am actually grateful. I am not just saying that.

I will continue to own my truth, and the shadow mirrors that just came to me, have now helped me deepen into that.

You can delete me from your groups, ban me from your posts, or what have you.

It won’t matter to me in this place of centre.
I will fall off and forget this, but I will come back.
Because I will still ROAR my truth, and it will be heard my whom it is meant to be heard by.

I will share my website because in my heart of hearts, all I want is to be of deep service to this planet.

I have found a pathway, in fact, many pathways, to wild self-expression, and a foundation of self-love, and worth… and my Goddess.. it would be disrespectful for me NOT to share it.

If a woman thinks, when she reads my post, and sees a small note about a website to go deeper… triggers her. If that makes her think I am trying to take advantage of someone, or in some way am not honouring my sisters… Well.. that is her mirror now. I am her trigger. Funny how that works, hey? She has her own work to do, I’m doing mine.

I know in myself, why I created that website. And it wasn’t to toot my own horn, believe me, although my ego can still come in with misaligned pride for what I have created… really and truly overall.. my work, my writing… comes from that ROAR to awaken the tribe.
It comes from deep service.

I could die tomorrow, I want these channelings out, I want to them to be ingested by those they could serve.

And if you would like to censor that, if you would like to say it’s salesy or not in alignment,
Then that is just fine.
<3
I have an ocean to surf,
A truth to roar,
A heart to love,
And a planet to help awaken.
<3
And I will continue to do so, with or without your help.

Although in actuality, whether you offer support or resistance, that is help to me, with the medicine of the snake.

Much love always, thank you for the triggers. I will keep ingesting this medicine, ingesting my pain, until I can stand firmly in my I AM presence.. no apologies.

No buts.
Just me.
Just truth.
I walk the path to owning it.
And in this moment, I am.

Blessings.