Wild Women Musings

My first night in Avalon...

Tor.jpg

After a rainy, cold, and jet-lagged filled first few days in London, I was excited to arrive in my destination. Glastonbury. A small, English town, with ancient roots as the Isle of Avalon - the island famed in stories of King Arthur, and the Mists of Avalon. I was called there, to steep in the energies of the ancient Priestesses and Druids who trained on the lands. But here I was now, a modern day woman, getting off a very modern day bus, being dropped off in the centre of this bustling little town.

The bus dropped me off right in front of a raw chocolate shoppe, which I, of course, had to enter. I treated myself to a ceremonial “welcome to Glastonbury” chocolate, eyeing the sacred geometry clad clothes, and superfoods in the corners, but shooing myself out of the store, so that I could find my Airbnb.

I went the wrong way at first, and had to get help from some friendly locals, who pointed me in the right direction, up 2 hills, to the left, right, and left - and then, I was there. I would be staying as a guest in a woman’s home, my bedroom, having a view of the legendary, Glastonbury Tor.

As I settled in, I felt the stress of being in London fall away, as I allowed the healing energies of Glastonbury seep into me.

My first priority was to gather spring water. There are 2 main springs in Glastonbury, a red one - named for the high iron content and ability to make anything turn reddish brown over time - and a white one, named, in part, for it’s high calcium content. Where these springs rose from the ground, had long been sites for ancient ceremonies, rituals, and initiations. So not only was the water pure and fresh, it also came from places of potent magic and mystery. Clearly, I had to get some, straight away!

After consulting my map, I headed out, walking through charming English backroads that reminded me of the movies. As I passed a farmer’s field, I heard some voices. Taking a peak, I saw a group of women in a circle, with their arms raised high, chanting “Hail the Moon Goddess, Hail the Moon Goddess!” I had arrived to Glastonbury on the the Full Moon, quite synchronistically. And here I had stumbled on a ritual of women celebrating it, and bringing in the lunar energies. Everything about the scene - the farmer’s field, the devotion of the women, the circle they raised their arms in - came together perfectly to elicit tears. I felt the ancient magic, alive and well.

I continued onto the springs, with every intention to turn around, once I filled up. I was still really jetlagged, and nursing an injured knee. But once I filled up with the water, mixing the red and white springs, and offering my gratitude to them, I felt the energy of the Tor pulling at me. St. Michael’s Tor (named for Archangel Michael), is built on the top of the highest hill in Glastonbury, and was the site for many ancient initiations. I hesitated. Should I go back and rest, or should I climb the hill? I asked myself. The lure was too strong, and despite my best intentions to take it easy, I found myself climbing.

As the Tor came into view, I can’t describe what came over me. Something ancient. A recognition. A meeting of my lineages… I felt Isis, I felt Archangel Michael, I felt Mary Magdalene, I felt the ancestors, I felt more than I can describe or understand with my mind. And I started to cry, from a deep place. People were coming and going in front of me and behind me, so I tried to save my bursts of tears for when the coast was clear. I’m all for crying in front of people, but this felt like a sacred moment, my moment, and I wanted to keep it for myself. I thought to myself, “I can’t believe this place exists!”

Once I got to the top of the Tor, I sat to watch the sun set. There were many people there, who were meditating, or doing ceremony, or just talking, spending time with their friends and family in that beautiful moment. I sat there for a few moments, and then heard drumming coming from inside the Tor. I curiously wandered over, and found a man beating his drum, while a red haired woman danced, her flaming curls spiralling around her body as she moved. 'She looks like Brigid herself’, I thought, an ancient Celtic Goddess of healing and fire.

After taking in the scene, I moved to the opposite side of the hill, preparing for the moon rise, knowing that the Full Moon rises exactly opposite where the sun sets, I chose my spot. After waiting patiently, the moon appeared, as a luminous yellow orb, moving upwards in the sky. The air was full of magic, as I recognized that everyone on the Tor was there for the same reason - to honour the sunset and moonrise as a time to connect spiritually, as a sacred moment.

tormoon.jpg

And that’s when I heard singing coming from inside the Tor, to compliment the drumbeat. I started humming along - ever the singer, music always comes out of me when I hear people making it. I witnessed myself quietly humming to myself, and I witnessed the longing to be louder, and sing the melodies that were coming through. A part of me tried to get myself to sit still, to watch the moon, to just enjoy listening. But a bigger part of me squirmed, and asked to go ‘play’ with fellow musicians. I recognized a moment to open my throat chakra, and I left my moonrise spot, to join the group.

I started singing along with would-be Brigid, who it turns out, was the one singing. She enthusiastically welcomed my voice, and we started playing off one another, as the drum beat. A crowd had gathered round, taking in the song. And that’s when I just let it all come out. I let the land move through me, I felt Archangel Michael and the ancestors of the place, pulse inside of me, and I sang their vibrations through me. The frequencies took turns between wildly loud, guttoral and primal, and angelic and etheric. My soul beamed as she was able to express what was inside of her, and what was inside of the land.

I stayed there for a few songs, offering the melodies that came though me, and enjoying the beating drum, and the atmosphere. But before long, jet lag crept up again, and I felt it was time. I’d had an amazing night at the Tor, and silently said thank you, before making my way down.

On the way back to my Airbnb, I continued to sing. I sang to the trees, and the ancestors, and the moon, and I felt the spirits rise up in thanks to greet me. The land loves to be sung to.

And that night, as I crawled into bed, I knew I was in the right place. I gave thanks for the synchronicites, and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was fast asleep, joining the ancestors in the dreamtime.

Entering the cave of Mary Magdalene in France...

france.jpg

Leaving Israel was full on. I showed up at the airport 3 hours early, and got to my gate when the plane was already boarding. The reason? When I went through security, they asked me questions. I answered honestly. The man interviewing me asked me who I spent time with. I told him I had a Palestinian friend. I think it was that answer that got me flagged, nothing else was suspicious, and I was sent to the high security line.

After a long wait, the people at security scanned me and patted me down at least 3 separate times. They made me take off every piece of jewelry, every article of clothing that wasn’t my base layers. They swabbed everything I owned with fancy equipment. Finally, after what seemed like hours, I was let go. That was such a brief encounter, but I felt it - and I felt it the whole time I was in Jerusalem. Control. A tight grip. A very, very, tight grip. Deep violent shadows lurking. People say that there is wrong done on both the Israeli and Palestinian side of things. I’m sure that is true. But I couldn't help but feel for the Palestinians, as clearly Israel had the upper hand, and was asserting it, forcefully. I couldn't even leave the country easily, because I mentioned I had a Palestinian friend.

{ This is Part 4, the final, in a series, read part 1 here: https://tinyurl.com/magda777 - part 2 here:https://tinyurl.com/egypt777 + part 3 here:https://tinyurl.com/israel777 }

When my flight finally landed, the gentle frequency of the Mediterranean welcomed me back. I was in Marseille, in the South of France. It was my 3rd time in France, but I’d last left it’s embrace when I was 14, and I was eager to be back.

It was winter in France, and a stark contrast from the hot lands I’d spent my last few months in. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I’d just entered a 5 week period of introspection and isolation. I found it a lot harder to meet people in the cold weather, when everyone just wanted to rush about, and get to the warm halls of where they were going to. I also chose to stay in apartments, rather than any hostels for those weeks. Apparently, my soul knew I needed to incubate.

And so, I spent my days alone, wandering french streets, spellbound by centuries old buildings, charming details, towering cathedrals, and hints of the Magdalene, everywhere.

After that, I wasn’t exactly sure where I was going.

And so I searched online, for sites that were known to be steeped in the Magdalene frequency. My search lead me to the city of Avignon, which was supposed to be close to a cathedral devoted to Mary Magdalene, as well as an ancient cave, that she was said to have spent her last 30 years in.

When I arrived in Avignon, and did more research, it turned out, the locations I wanted to visit were hours away. I had a decision to make. Did I vouch for not spending more money (I’d already prepaid for my apartment in Avignon), and stay in my cozy flat? Or did I grab a train, and then a bus, to the location I felt really drawn to? I felt Magdalene calling - pulling me. And so, I left most of my things in my Avignon apartment, and went on a mission through the frigid air, to the sacred sites that were drawing me in.

During that time, I remember feeling extremely uncomfortable. Unsafe. I didn’t know why.

I thought, maybe it’s the weather? I didn’t have the right clothes, after packing for European summer, and the Middle East. I was cold all the time. Even after buying more layers. But later on, I knew. Months later, in an Ayahuasca ceremony, I’d remembered that when I was a girl of 9, in France, I’d watched my mother being burned at the stake for being a witch. So even though France felt like home to me, I was fearful the whole time I was there. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t OK.

But I kept on with my mission. Even though I felt fear, I also felt a deep sense of communion. And so, I traveled many hours to the small town that was home to the Magdalene cathedral.

The morning I got to the charming town, I went in to a cafe, and drank a latté, in the sun. It was a moment of deep gratitude and peace, after my cold, uncomfortable journey.

I usually never drink coffee. Or alcohol. But France had me drinking lattés in quaint cafes. It had me sipping red wine. It had me buying lingerie. It had me flouting red lipstick. And it had me drinking said red wine, while wearing said red lipstick, dancing around in said lingerie, all by myself, in my rented flats. It has that effect on you, France. But anyways, I digress. Back to latté drinking me in a sunny cafe.

As I sat there, enjoying a happy moment, I got out my phone to find out how to get to Magdalene’s cave. I thought it would be a walk, as online it said it was close to her cathedral, which I knew was in town. Turns out ‘close’ meant a 45 minute drive. Some more digging revealed that there was no bus there, I’d have to rent a car, or get a taxi, as the only means there. At this point I was kind of sick of spending extra money. Europe’s not cheap, and I had a budget to stick to. I’d just paid for more accommodation when I'd already rented another apartment.

And now I was confronted with 1.5 hours in a taxi, totalling another 100 or so euros. I had a moment of “Do I go?”

Seriously, the things lack consciousness makes you question. But that question didn’t last long. The answer was - "Obviously". At this point, I felt like I was really going through some loops here, to get to this cave. I felt myself inside an initiation. Things weren’t flowing super easily, but I was determined. (Also I could have done more research beforehand, but that is besides the point haha)

And so - the initiation continued. I asked my waiter for cab numbers. I called them all. I was in a small french town, with no major taxi company. I was just given first names. And in my not-fluent-but-pretty-good french, I asked every single taxi driver if they could take me to the cave. “No”, “No”, “No I don’t have time”, “Im not even in the town right now” - were the answers I got. Finally, after much determination, I found someone who would take me.

When my taxi driver showed up, I breathed a sigh of relief. I was ready to go. I would get to the cave.

As we spoke on the way there, he told me his wife was a guide for Sacred Magdalene sites. He knew a lot about Mary Magdalene, and about the more mystical side of her story - the one the Catholic church didn’t teach. We talked about Jeshua and Mary’s daughter, Sarah, as I listened to his perspective on the Magdalene. Unfortunately, I couldn’t understand everything he was saying, as we were speaking in French, but most of his stories, got through. I couldn’t help but marvel at the synchronicity, of finding my like-hearted taxi driver.

Once we got to the base of the site, he told me he’d return for me in 3 hours. He pointed out the path I was to take, and then, I was off, climbing a snowy, icy mountain, with my devotion guiding me onwards.

I listened to my Magdalene songs as I climbed the path. I wanted to be in the frequency, as much as possible. When I finally got to the top of the small mountain, after lots of slipping and sliding on the icy path, I felt silence wash over me.

I made it.

magda.jpg


Because most tourists come in the summer, I had the cave to myself most of the time I was there. The cave had been set up a little bit like a church, but with all the natural walls still in tact.

And so - I sat. I just meditated the whole time I was in there. I spoke to Mary Magdalene. I had visions of my time in the cave being this deep psychedelic journey full of visions and a fully focused heart - but honestly - my mind was super active. I would try to get comfy for meditation, and then feel the hard stone cold floors beneath me, which piped my mind right up. For those hours, I went in and out. Mind mind mind. And… Oh, there she is, I feel her. In the moments where I strongly felt Mary Magdalene, she delivered some messages. First, I felt her love for Jeshua. In a very human way. I felt her longing and love for him in my body, as if it was my own longing and love. It was relatable. Not some weird high in the sky disembodied love. A love from a woman, to a man she adored. And then - I felt a strong message from her. She told me: “Women’s wombs are the key to healing the planet”, along with our experience of our sexuality as sacred. Her messages seemed to largely be about being in our bodies. She told me “You’ll find me in the earth.”

When it was time to leave, I didn’t want to. I wanted to be in that cave all day, but my taxi driver was waiting for me. So I climbed down the snowy mountain. As I came to the bottom, and crossed a field to the old tavern where I was to meet my ride, a silence came over the land. I looked around and mist swirled around everything. The land. The trees. The mountain. It was one of the most mystical moments of my life.

I left full. I had committed. I had communed. I had come for a reason.

That night, I was so cold. Cold cold cold, that’s how I remember this time of my journey. The discomfort reared it’s head again. The feeling of not being safe. But I’d just downloaded a new book, that I was longing to read. So I got under the covers, in the unheated room I’d rented (Did I know it was going to be unheated? NO!) and dove in. The book was called Anna, Grandmother of Jesus.

That book was not a book.

That book was a portal to remembrance.

I couldn’t read it fast enough. As I read, I read of all the places I'd just been to, and the places I was now in. Anna told me of her life, her training as a Priestess of Isis. The light conception of Mother Mary, and Mary Magdalene. I felt so close to these beings in those moments. I felt like they were my family too. And I had a vague remembrance of communing with them, before I incarnated. Like I was very much a part of their mission, not some faraway human reading about some ancient people.

The next day, I visited the Mary Magdalene cathedral. I read the book inside the cathedral, feeling connected to Mary Magdalene, and simultaneously turned off by the Patriarchy steeped in the church. There was a skull said to be Mary Magdalene’s in that cathedral. I felt it was not. Much as I’d felt of the supposed relics of Jeshua in Jerusalem. The church tried to feign a closeness to these beings. Like they were the ones who owned them. But they can never be owned. The church's teachings have long been largely devoid of the true messages of Jeshua, Mary Magdalene, and the holy family.

In that cathedral, I saw a portrait of Anna. She looked old, kind of fat, and grey. I thought it was comical. I loved that she still had a foothold in this place, even to this day. They could try to portray grandmothers as worn out, and in the background, but Anna was none of those things. She was empowered, beautiful, and luminous. I was remembering.

My time in France continued, until my last stop before leaving back to Canada - Paris.

I’d been once before, when I was around 12. But this time was different. In my late twenties, and on my own, I discovered the city on my own terms. I loved it. I went shopping on the Champs Élysées. I ate a crêpe in front of the Eiffel Tower. I visited the Egyptian section of the Louvre, and had remembrances I’ve shared about in previous stories.

And on one of my last nights, while lying in bed, I felt Jeshua come to me. His presence floated above me, in frequencies of white and gold. And he had a message. “You will lead a circle devoted to Magdalene and Isis. The frequencies will be red and gold”. And then - he left.

And 1.5 years later, I made good on that message. It is … Temple of the Rose.

Doors to this journey, that have been in the making for a long time, close tomorrow night. I hope that if you resonate, you'll join us <3

http://www.bethkatherine.com/temple-of-the-rose

Thank you for reading my Magdalene Pilgrimage adventures. There will be many more to come...

Patriarchy has Created a Self-Help Boss Goddess Guru Machine...

firecamp.jpg

Patriarchy has infiltrated the world of spirituality, and has helped create a self-help boss goddess guru queen machine.

I've noticed that the women who are making big bucks, say $50k a month or more, and who have very pretty, trendy instagram photos get immediately positioned as "expert" "guru" and people who we deem are very aligned.

They might be talking about spirituality, how spirituality helped them make money, how you can have anything you want, etc.

And because of these patriarchal ideals they have (lots of money, instagram fame, + beauty) - we'll often think of them as 'thou holy guru'. We feel they must be very aligned. They must live near-perfect lives! We need to be like them! Quick, what do we do to become them? ...And then we get frantic. Or feel like shit. Or in the odd case, get inspired.

But here's the thing...

Patriarchy has fucked with our minds.

We still use patriarchal ideals to decide if someone is really walking and living in their truth.

As if $50k months plus cute photos for sure mean they've 'got it'!

But as I sat around a campfire lastnight, singing my heart out, with amazing humans on a beach for the eclipse...

I was reminded of true wealth...

~The kind of wealth that has you gather your community, for free, for a cacao ceremony, drumming, and a dance, for a cosmic event.

~The kind of wealth that is in the magic of eye contact in moments of vulnerability with new friends.

~The kind of wealth you feel when you pray with the dark ocean, at night.

~The kind of wealth you feel in witnessing someone opening their throat chakra and finding their courage, right in front of you.

~The kind of wealth, that has you speaking deep from your womb, as you feel your Higher Self pulse and speak through you.

~The kind of wealth that has nothing to do with money.

Some of my mentors are not well known. They don't have a ton of followers on instagram. They're abundant, but not making $50k a month.

But they speak from their wombs.

They live in alignment.

They don't spend 2 hours a day manifesting money with affirmations. They receive the light of Source and it magnetizes magic into their lives.

They might not be that trendy.

But they're real as fuck.

They have the deep belly wisdom and embodiment that is lacking in many of the self-help goddess boss guru types.

And I have love and admiration for these people.

We should still get inspired by them. Everyone has gifts.

But far too many of us are using those Patriarchal ideals as guidelines, without even realizing it - and choosing mentors or inspirations who are not nearly as in alignment as they are often professing themselves to be.

...While skipping over people of true and great wisdom because they don't meet the standards we deem as "boss goddess" worthy.

And so... My invitation for all of us, myself included, is to not get distracted my smoke and mirrors.

To choose to look up to someone or work with them or follow them because they FEEL like a RESONANT fit with our soul's journey. And not because our ego feels like we're lacking something and so we must be like the one who 'has it all together'.

Because real wealth is right in front of us. In Mother Earth, in our communities...

And we often forget this, as we scroll, as we compare, and as the ego hijacks us for a little while...

You are perfect as you are.

Making a ton of cash isn't the benchmark for someone's spiritual greatness.

May we remember the wealth in crashing waves, authentic presence, and our own truths...


Giving up an addiction to weed...

IMG_7452.jpg

In the last 9~ish months, I've slowly parted ways with my addiction of choice.

You know that thing most of us have, that we reach to when we're feeling emotional, bored, or heck... even happy? Mine was weed. From lighting up a joint at the end of most days (yet knowing it wasn't supporting me) - I went to an average of smoking once a week, to now, not at all for the last 3 months.

And as such, my go-to escapist practice has gone, I'm left with actually feeling what I was covering up.

What I'm finding has not surprised me, I knew it was there - but the degree to which Im feeling what's coming up, has. There have been moments nothing short of terror in the past few months, as the old stagnant stuff comes up and out.

What has been coming up?

Fear of being in my body. Fear that it's not safe to be a human in this world. Fear OF my body.

And by fear, I mean terror. Sheer terror lives in certain places of my energy body, from my ancestors, past lives, and trauma of this life.

This has manifested in a pattern.

A sort of, frazzled, energy. A feeling like I can't fully, deeply, and truly relax. My root literally feels constricted and in fight or flight mode. Like a lion might come attack me in any moment.

Most of us have a version of this, going on. It often shows up as a need to do. A need to make money. A need to feel consistently productive. Because if we're not making money, or being productive, we're not taking care of ourselves, and then, of course, everything will far apart and we'll die a lonely death, in a hole (or so the ego tells us).

As much as I'm into wealth consciousness, this is one of the issues I have with people learning how to make more money, through spirituality. It's usually a cover up for deeper issues. Until the deeper issues are looked at, wealth consciousness is yet another practice to try to 'fix' ourselves. But I digress...

As I'm aware of this constriction in my root, I'm showing up. I'm showing up for deeper healing. And I'd like to share 2 focuses I have right now, that have come from my inner guidance, in case you can relate to my story...

In order to feel safer in my body, these are my current practices:



PLEASURABLE PUSSY POWER


Yes you read that right. I did in fact just say pleasurable pussy power. I'm reading Pussy, A Reclamation right now, by Regena Thomashauer. It's exactly the medicine I need. In the book, she guides us to reclaim our pussies as pleasurable power centers. And she uses that term, rather than vagina, or yoni, for a reason. (Which she details in the book) I'm into it. I'm over words for vagina / vulva being used as derogatory words. It is indeed time we reclaim them.

Anyway, through reading this book, it's come to my attention my pussy has some CRAZY POWER that's been suppressed my whole life. I wasn't even aware. I mean - I dance a lot, I do womb massage, I work with yoni eggs, I speak my mind. But as I tune into this area of my body, I FEEL the tension!

The constriction in my root, feels like the power of my ancestresses that denied their pleasure, their pussies, their wombs, for CENTURIES! It's like all of that suppressed power wants to come through... me... and NOW. So what am I doing to honour her? A recent practice is I bought a pussy mirror. Yes. I just said that. I bought a round mirror whose entire purpose is to look at my vagina. How do you feel when you just read that? Most women would feel a sense of discomfort. We think our vaginas are ugly. We've been taught to fear them. So this practice helps me to own the beauty of this power center.

Im also simply being more aware of my pleasurable pussy throughout the day. Im breathing into her. Placing my hand on her throughout the day. Letting her tell me when it's time for a pleasure break, like dancing. If you want to know more, I highly recommend checking out the book I mentioned. Lots of practices and guidance are in there.



PRIMAL PRACTICE


I now have a primal practice. A few times a week, I'll get naked, put on some tribal bass-y music, and dance. And not just dance. I will SCREAM. I will HOWL. I will GROWL. I will use my legs. I'll bang the floor. I'll shake my snake rattle. I'll cover my body in clay. In short, I will get fucking crazy. It's great.

After I do this, I feel like I just did a huge workout. I'm aware that the fear that lives in my energy body just needs to MOVE! All the times I was told not to cry, not to scream, as a child - imprinted - and I, like most of us, learned to suppress strong emotions. This is why we're depressed! We have all this suppressed energy inside of us, that needs to GET OUT! When I do this, I also open my root, I open my connection to my animal self, I open my connection to my ancestors.

Little by little, with consistent practice, I feel these practices will bring me great healing.

I hope they serve you too, if you decide to take them on!

**And also a note, so I can maintain a sense of full honesty. I'm not a "I will never use substances ever" kind of gal. I would love to be able to have a healthy relationship with weed, where I can smoke it occasionally, whether ceremonially, or while dancing with friends. I say this because if I ever decide to light up a joint, I don't want my ego coming in being all like "But you told the whole world you didn't smoke weed anymore!".

What an Ayahuasca ceremony showed me...

IMG_7518.jpg

Last fall in an Ayahuasca ceremony, I saw a vision of myself in Junior High School sitting in a hard desk. I was looking at the scene from above, as the plant was showing me just how traumatic my years in school had actually been. 

I long thought that I didn't have much trauma in this lifetime, compared to the stories of others that were deeply painful and potent. 

But as I gazed at myself as a pre-teen, sitting in a hard chair, in front of a straight desk, in a fluorescent lit room for 7 hours day, I could now feel my soul crying. 

I could feel my inner child asking "Why don't you love me?" to all the 'authority' figures who made her do that. She wanted to be free, to go out and play, to be with nature, to sing... And yet, day after day she sat in this chair, going home not to do any of those other things, but to work on her homework on a lined sheet of rectangular paper, inside.

In no way am I comparing this experience to the traumas of others, trying to make them the same - Im simply sharing what I saw and felt in this ceremony.

I then felt how years of sitting in these hard seats,
in these rectangular spaces, impacted my body. I could feel the pain of the rigidity still in my spine and muscles, experienced in my daily life as back pain and aches. 

And so all of that suppression created layers. 

All those years where I was chained to the system, controlled by expectations of others, built up. When I felt pain or anger or sadness or even joy, I didnt get up from my desk and scream, or cry, or dance, or sing. I sat. Quietly. Like a good girl. Because that's what I was trained to do. 

When we're children, we're free. We let our emotions move through us. Whenever we watch children, we see this. They scream, they cry, they dance, they laugh 'til their bellies hurt, they run around like little hooligans - they do what they want, when they want. And by and large - they're incredible happy, healthy, joyful little beings, because of it. Things don't get lodged in their system. 

But as we age, and society starts to take it's toll, we become bogged down by energetic layers. Stuck energy. We don't cry at the office when we feel a surge of sadness. We grab a cookie and go on YouTube to numb. We don't break out in song when we feel creative, when we're walking down the street. We keep walking in a straight line, on straight pavement, until we get to where we're going. 

And so we experience the effects of all this suppressed emotion. Like crusted sludge, lodged deep within our system, these layers block our ability to feel our natural luminous light. 

We wonder why we can often feel depressed, anxious, sick, fearful, or unclear about our life purpose. It's because of these dense layers that are blocking the natural flow of our life force. 

In order to release these layers, we need to think and get outside of the box, literally. 

Maybe you go to yoga classes, and get a green juice at your local vegan cafe. Maybe you take herbs for anxiety relief, or meditate 10 minutes most days. And yet you still can experience deep fear, anxiety, and a feeling of being 'stuck'. 

Why aren't these practices 'working'? 


These practices are great. They are helpful. But they are still 'inside the box'. When you go to a yoga class, you are still doing what the instructor tells you. Your body may want to scream and break down into a primal dance halfway through class. But you don't. You breathe through warrior 2 like you're supposed to. 

The green juice and herbs are great, they're supportive. The meditation practice is very helpful.

IMG_7541 3 copy.jpg

But we need to engage with pure, primal, electric, divine MOTION and unrestrained flow, if we're going to release these crusted up layers. Remember, they got there through expectation, and suppression. They need wild movement in order to dislodge. 

Earlier today, I was feeling fear and stuckness. Im on my moon time, and a lot of sludge was coming up. At first I was trying to just breathe through it, then I went onto Youtube to turn off my mind, so to speak.

I then checked my email and found a water ritual from my friend Dakota Chanel had been sent to me.

I felt the resonance immediately and went outside to dance with water, to sing my prayers, to get primal with my movements, and to summon the elemental power of water to MOVE my crusted energy of fear. It took about an hour, and after the ceremony, I felt such RELEASE!

I let my primal self take over,
and allowed divine frequency to move through me and move what needed to move.

These Priestess practices have been tantamount to my journey. I experience the power of ritual and movement in 2 ways: 

  • During ceremony where I am more still, but being lead through a meditation and working with rarified frequency like the violet flame, or Mother Earth's energies from her core crystal. There is a lot of movement happening on the inner realms in this way, as I allow pure frequency to do the work. 

  • Or, through unrestrained movement, through the body, or the voice. Through primal dancing, vocal toning, working with the elements, singing my prayers, or being silly and carefree like a child, I let that old crusted energy move. 


free7daycourse.png

The story behind my snake tattoo...

IMG_7480.jpg

I often get compliments and questions about my tattoo, the serpent coiled around my left arm, with roses and a lotus. ☥

"What does it mean?" - people ask. I rarely answer with the whole story, actually I don't think I ever have. Most of the time I simply say, "It represents my spiritual path."

Today I'd actually like to explain my tattoo, and how it came about. 

Several years ago, I was dancing at a really amazing party with a really amazing DJ, and was in a very expanded state. As I danced, I literally felt a symbol, a frequency - a packet of information, if you will - drop from the sky, and download into my body through my crown chakra. 

It was a tattoo of a snake, wrapped around my upper left arm. I knew I was to get it marked on me. 

Honestly, I cant remember if in that moment I knew the symbolism of the design, and how it connected to the Ancient Egyptian Goddess Isis. I just knew it was to happen. 

Now I know, that the ancient Priestesses of Isis, who could be found through Ancient Egypt, Greece, Palestine, Israel, Turkey, France, and far beyond - wore golden serpent armbands to signify their initiate statuses in the Ancient Mystery Schools of Isis (+ Hathor). 

You can find these ancient armbands throughout museums. I was lucky enough to see many in the Egyptian section of the Athens museum, and had a lot of remembrance come through in those moments. 

It would be years from the moment I downloaded the snake, to when I finally got it tattoed around my arm. 

I knew that getting the tattoo was a big commitment. And an honour. I didn't take it lightly. I knew when I got it, I would be initiated more deeply into my Priestess path, and into Snake medicine. And I was right. I got it 2 days before I hopped on a plane and flew to Peru, to sit with Ayahuasca, and to then wonder through ancient temples throughout the Andes. 

The roses in my tattoo connect to the Magdalene, and the ancient order of the Sisterhood of the Rose. The Magdalenes are Priestesses of Isis. 

Isis is an Ascended Master mentor. As Priestesses of Isis, we don't worship her. We embody the frequencies that she is a cosmic mother to. We learn sacred Priestess arts through her. We act as midwives through the veils, with her as a teacher and friend.

Isis hails to Earth from the star cluster, Sirius. The blue star in the sky, the brightest one. 

Her frequency weaved through Ancient Atlantis, seeding orders and Mystery Schools there, before moving on to Ancient Egypt after Atlantis was 'destroyed'. 

Isis ushered Egypt into a Golden Age, where it's citizens knew themselves as sovereign and unlimited. 

After Isis ascended, Mystery Schools still flourished with her teachings. 

remember.jpeg

Isis is an emanation of Sophia, Mother Father God, Creatrix of all life. Again, Isis was never worshipped in these Mystery Schools. 

The initiate was seen as a powerful soul in her or his own right, and was training to embody their Higher Selves in human form, thereby accessing multi-dimensional powers and awareness. 

The path of the initiate was rigorous, yet profoundly rewarding. The Priestesses (and Priests) of the Ancient Mystery Schools were spiritual leaders, healers, and frequency holders. 

Then, as the cycle of time turned, Egypt began it's descent. People were lead astray. They forgot about their own inherent power, and Isis was deified. Rather than seen as an equal and a mentor, in the hearts of her people, she was thought of as a Goddess, an unattainable figure only royalty and highly trained initiates had access to. 

And after this long descent that spread through Egypt, and then, the whole world...

...The Priestesses of Isis have returned again. 

This time, to seed a new golden age. 

From our origins in Sirius and beyond, throughout our lifetimes in Atlantis, Ancient Egypt, and reaching into today, we are waking up to who we truly are. 

I feel an urgent, yet simultaneously patient and loving call from Isis: "Awaken sisters."

Even though it's tempting to spend our days numbing out, or distracting ourselves, because deep down we know our missions are so damn big, and we're not sure what to do about it... It's time to rise. 

Let us sit in ceremony. 
Let us enter the ancient halls of remembrance. 

Ancient Egypt did not die. 
It lives within us, 
In the inner temples. 

The ancient temples were always gateways to inner temples. 
They are still very much alive, inside of us.

It's time to access this. 
It's time to continue our mentorship with Isis. 

It's time. 

You are more than who you've yet remembered yourself to be. 

You are my Priestess sister. 

Ancient powerful one. 

And I witness the fire inside of you, 
That has come to heal.
Yourself first, 
And then, 
All beings. 

☥ May we remember. ☥


free7daycourse.png

That time I was adopted by an Egyptian family...

miney.jpg

As I arrived to my apartment in Cairo, my host gave me some tips. One of them was to never walk alone at night in the area, and to wear long sleeves and pants. With that, he left, and I was standing alone, in a huge, semi-creepy apartment, if Im going to be real, overlooking the pyramids. 




This is Part 2 of an adventure series, read part 1 here.


I got as settled as I could in the space, and thought that I’d be off to visit the pyramids on foot, soon after. But the toll of the long bus ride was hitting me, and I decided against a big adventure. After all - I could see and feel the pyramids clearly, visiting them up close could wait until I had more energy.



When I was preparing to go outside, and wander around the neighbourhood I’d arrived in, I hesitated. “Do I put long sleeves on?” It was hot. I was in the Middle East after all. I decided against it. Im all for respecting cultures, but sometimes I have to make the call if Im actually respecting a culture, or a patriarchal belief system. My shoulders were covered in the outfit I had on, and so were most of my legs. I thought that was a good compromise, and wandered out of my temporary home, thoughtfully ignoring my Airbnb host’s advice. 

And I tell you… once my feet hit the ground, I’ve never felt more like a celebrity than I did in those 3 days in Cairo. 

People stared. And shouted. And ran to ask me questions. I don’t think long sleeves would have helped. 

After walking through the winding streets, looking for vegetarian food, and not finding too much, I was ready to give up and go back. I was tired from being stared and called after incessantly. When I was trying to find my way back, I saw a man, who looked to be in his late 50s, sitting on a chair at the end of a dusty brown road, with the pyramids rising up from behind him.

The man spoke English, and started engaging with me immediately, asking what I was doing. But this man was different. I wasn’t immediately turned off. My intuition told me it was safe to converse. And that’s when he invited me into his home to see his “dancing horses”. “What now?” I thought, “Dancing horses?”

Normally, I would have blown off an invitation from a strange man in the Middle East to enter into his home. But my spidey senses said… “Go, it’s safe.” And I listened. 

nasir2.jpg

As I entered into this man’s home, right in front of where I was sitting, I was introduced to many members of his family. Many of his adult children, his wife (actually ex-wife, but that’s a whole other story…), and his grandchildren, all lived in this 2 story house. The women were downstairs in the kitchen, making food. 

This home was very far from what Westerners are used to. On a superficial level, it was kind of dirty. Ok, well it was dirty, but not in a bad way, simply from a lot of dust and sand blown in from the desert. I don’t remember any real glass windows. It was simple, small, and immediately told me “This is the real Cairo.” So, as a travel junkie, I was in love. Out of my comfort zone, slightly wondering what I was doing, and simultaneously, in love. 

And so, this man, Nasir, guided me upstairs to see his dancing horses. 

They were photos. 
Of dancing horses. 

From days long past. 

It was kind of hilarious, but while I didn’t get to see any dancing horses in real life, I stepped into a local family’s world for the next 3 days. A family whose living came from giving people tours of the pyramids. 



These people literally adopted me. They told me that. They said “You are our sister now, our family.” They had me over for dinner. They took me to their son’s wedding reception, and then, to the wedding. 

Ok people. The wedding. That was one of the craziest experiences of my life. 

The night of the wedding, I tell Nasir I’m pretty tired, and he told me we didn’t have to go to the wedding for long. (A lie... :D)

So he gets his sons to pick me up at my apartment, on foot, and I meet up with everyone. Turns out Nasir’s fancy idea is to have me ride his camel, Mickey, through the winding streets of Cairo, until we get to this wedding. 

nasir.jpg

Ok, sure. Let’s do that. 

I have never ridden a camel at night through very, very busy streets. I have never had said camel stop traffic to cross the road. Until that point. 

It was great. It was chaotic. I was kind of freaking out internally. But I kept telling myself, “Girl, this is once in a lifetime experience, just go with it.”

So, we get to the wedding. It turns out it’s in the middle of a street. Sort of 80’s prom decoration. And it’s a PARTY. The moment I get there, and people find out there’s a white girl at the party, shit got cray. 

I was the only white person, the only foreigner actually. It was then I understood some of what major celebrities go though. People were tugging at my hair, on my dress, everywhere I turned they wanted a selfie, or were pointing at me. I could hardly walk, I had a trail of people clinging to me. 


And then, they made me dance. I love to dance, so it wasn’t necessarily a problem, but it was quite difficult with children and women tugging on you. I probably should have mentioned that - there were no men tugging on me. So even though I did in fact, feel ambushed, I was surrounded by women and children, so I felt safe. I also had Nasir and his sons watching me from our table. 

And so - we danced. Turns out, Middle Eastern hijab wearing women know how to get DOWN! Kissing before marriage? No. That’s a no no. Grinding and gyrating around like a bellydancer. That’s allowed apparently. It was awesome. We went wild. 

I will never forget that night. 

We finished the night by eating falafel at Nasir’s. I was kind of uncomfortable with that, because the women were serving us, and not eating with us. Somehow, as a white woman, I was able to eat with the men, but not his female family members.

This whole experience lit a fire under me. The pyramids. Which Nasir took me to, on his camel of course. The activations from those structures still resonate through my being. The patriarchy. Which made me so much more aware of why the Divine Feminine is needed in this world. And by life. Amidst different cultures and languages, I still found the women, and we danced. We danced, and we celebrated. 

And shortly after, I left Cairo… back to Dahab, where I would spend a little more time, before taking a cab and a bus ride to Israel, to see a Hebrew lover I had met a long the way… 

…To be continued!


free7daycourse.png

I gave up a big addiction, and a shit-ton of fear followed...

IMG_7437.jpg


In the last 9~ish months, I've slowly parted ways with my addiction of choice. 

You know that thing most of us have, that we reach to when we're feeling emotional, bored, or heck... even happy? Mine was weed. From lighting up a joint at the end of most days (yet knowing it wasn't supporting me) - I went to an average of smoking once a week, to now, not at all for the last 3 months. 

And as such, my go-to escapist practice has gone, I'm left with actually feeling what I was covering up. 

What I'm finding has not surprised me, I knew it was there - but the degree to which Im feeling what's coming up, has. There have been moments nothing short of terror in the past few months, as the old stagnant stuff comes up and out. 

What has been coming up? 

Fear of being in my body. Fear that it's not safe to be a human in this world. Fear OF my body. 

And by fear, I mean terror. Sheer terror lives in certain places of my energy body, from my ancestors, past lives, and trauma of this life. 

This has manifested in a pattern.

A sort of, frazzled, energy. A feeling like I can't fully, deeply, and truly relax. My root literally feels constricted and in fight or flight mode. Like a lion might come attack me in any moment. 

Most of us have a version of this, going on. It often shows up as a need to do. A need to make money. A need to feel consistently productive. Because if we're not making money, or being productive, we're not taking care of ourselves, and then, of course, everything will fall apart and we'll die a lonely death, in a hole (or so the ego tells us). 

As much as I'm into wealth consciousness, this is one of the issues I have with people learning how to make more money, through spirituality. It's usually a cover up for deeper issues. Until the deeper issues are looked at, wealth consciousness is yet another practice to try to 'fix' ourselves. But I digress... 

As I'm aware of this constriction in my root, I'm showing up. I'm showing up for deeper healing. And I'd like to share 2 focuses I have right now, that have come from my inner guidance, in case you can relate to my story...

In order to feel safer in my body, these are my current practices: 


PLEASURABLE PUSSY POWER


Yes you read that right. I did in fact just say pleasurable pussy power. I'm reading Pussy, A Reclamation right now, by Regena Thomashauer. It's exactly the medicine I need. In the book, she guides us to reclaim our pussies as pleasurable power centers. And she uses that term, rather than vagina, or yoni, for a reason. (Which she details in the book) I'm into it. I'm over words for vagina / vulva being used as derogatory words. It is indeed time we reclaim them.

Anyway, through reading this book, it's come to my attention my pussy has some CRAZY POWER that's been suppressed my whole life. I wasn't even aware. I mean - I dance a lot, I do womb massage, I work with yoni eggs, I speak my mind. But as I tune into this area of my body, I FEEL the tension!

The constriction in my root, feels like the power of my ancestresses that denied their pleasure, their pussies, their wombs, for CENTURIES! It's like all of that suppressed power wants to come through... me... and NOW. So what am I doing to honour her? A recent practice is I bought a pussy mirror. Yes. I just said that. I bought a round mirror whose entire purpose is to look at my vagina. How do you feel when you just read that? Most women would feel a sense of discomfort. We think our vaginas are ugly. We've been taught to fear them. So this practice helps me to own the beauty of this power center.

Im also simply being more aware of my pleasurable pussy throughout the day. Im breathing into her. Placing my hand on her throughout the day. Letting her tell me when it's time for a pleasure break, like dancing. If you want to know more, I highly recommend checking out the book I mentioned. Lots of practices and guidance are in there. 

IMG_7451.jpg


PRIMAL PRACTICE 


I now have a primal practice. A few times a week, I'll get naked, put on some tribal bass-y music, and dance. And not just dance. I will SCREAM. I will HOWL. I will GROWL. I will use my legs. I'll bang the floor. I'll shake my snake rattle. I'll cover my body in clay. In short, I will get fucking crazy. It's great. 

After I do this, I feel like I just did a huge workout. I'm aware that the fear that lives in my energy body just needs to MOVE! All the times I was told not to cry, not to scream, as a child - imprinted - and I, like most of us, learned to suppress strong emotions. This is why we're depressed! We have all this suppressed energy inside of us, that needs to GET OUT! When I do this, I also open my root, I open my connection to my animal self, I open my connection to my ancestors. 

Little by little, with consistent practice, I feel these practices will bring me great healing. 

I hope they serve you too, if you decide to take them on!

**And also a note, so I can maintain a sense of full honesty. I'm not a "I will never use substances ever" kind of gal. I would love to be able to have a healthy relationship with weed, where I can smoke it occasionally, whether ceremonially, or while dancing with friends. I say this because if I ever decide to light up a joint, I don't want my ego coming in being all like "But you told the whole world you didn't smoke weed anymore!". 


free7daycourse.png