Announce yourself unexpectedly
In my sleeping hours
For the thousandth time
Literally
I’ll push you away
As you do with me
But we both know
That will never work
Cosmic roots run too deep
But so does prejudice
And fear
In this earthly life
Whatever the lesson
The way to complete freedom
Show me
I surrender
Take me there Spirit
I am your willing participant
Unshackle the chains of attachment
Help me to plunge
Into the river of clarity
Oh and there you are in my newsfeed
Popping up with your sexy smile
Even though we are friends
I was interested in more
And you politely declined
And there I witness that part of me
That yearns for validation
Oh if you liked me
Then I would be sexy too
And so we do this
For I know I’m not alone
Searching the world for people
To validate our self-worth
Temporary highs, we gain
And yet, inevitably
If I adhere to the old way
Of validation from the outside
When they don’t like me
Or I say something “wrong”
I come crashing down
But everytime I crash
I grow stronger and smarter
For I dont like that feeling at all
Here I am, in all my glory, whole
Like you, like us all,
And I can no longer afford,
To wiggle my way into your graces
That are so temporary
That are so… unsatisfying
I’m amazing
Not because you say I am
Or don’t
Not because I’m better than
Or less
But because I’m a child of the Universe
With stars running through my veins
And a beating cosmic heart lives inside of me
A testament
To the unconditional love
That I am
In my pot of alchemy
Theres lives the shadow masculine
Afraid of him
I've been
Yet I stir the pot
With my purple spoon
Of transmutation
And root deep into my love
And through golden light
Emerges the sacred masculine
The one who I've been longing for
He's so lovely
And he's here
In my own being
In my own little pot
Of alchemy
And there it is
The part of me
That can feel your lips
On mine
Tantalizing me
Of a future
I cannot yet see
But there in that moment
I have a choice
To put my energy outward
And search in longing
Or to call upon my warrior within
Proud brave and true
He lives inside me
Just like you
I call upon him to merge
With my feminine essence
Knowing I am male and female
And as I bring him in
Call him out
He teaches me
I don't need you
I want you
But I don't need you
There is a difference
Oh my dear
There is
A big
Difference
And so I will play
Getting to know the man within
For he'll always be with me
He is my true King
He embodies all
All the masculinity there is
And you
Are a function
Of Him
Not to diminish you
For your light is true
But to claim you as King
Would not be real
For the King and the Queen
Already live
Happily in my heart
It is I who must feed them
And make sure
They're never apart
You know those moments
Where everything just falls into place
The water is turquoise and perfect
His amber eyes are full of presence
The sun hits my skin just right
And it feels a little
Like heaven
And yet
You know it's fleeting
Life will continue to flow
This way and that
And the moment slips through our fingers
Never meant to last
Because life
Does not work like that
I decided
Today
I would not worry
or fret
About what was
Or what is to be
But I would let myself understand
That it is me
That makes life
Happy
I am the center
Of all I live
And in every moment
I choose to see
Divine perfection
Deciding not to long for days past
But to embrace the tides
Years ago
I would have been content
To dwell
In longing
But I'm changed now
I know too much
Life is too good
To waste
Longing for
What was
Let's open to the flow
It's only natural for things to go
But this moment offers everything
Just as it always has
Just as it always will
Through our wounds and our past betrayals, we still deeply yearn for the support and intimacy of Sisters in our lives. Yet if we allow past hurts to dictate our present, we might end up shutting down, closing our hearts, and leading with distrust... rather than with an open heart. Join us in this ceremony below to learn how we can open ourselves more deeply to the truth of Sisterhood + change our stories so we can open again to love, support, and trust!
Once you've finished the ceremony, there is a guided meditation below you can download and practice to bring this healing & openness into every day of your life!
...To bring this practice of forgiveness and opening to Sisterhood, into your daily life! Hit the "Download" link on the right hand side to add this meditation to your music library.
We've all felt it.
Whether that was growing up and sensing gossiping voices talking about you, making you feel less than, or not lovable... Or whether you feel that today while you're on Social Media and you compare yourself to other women, labeling them as either "better than" or "worse than" you... I think as women, we all know what the wounds of Sisterhood feel like.
But here's the thing. Sisterhood, when it's in its truth, is so Divine - it's incredible. The feeling of love and support we feel from powerful and courageous women holding us can feel like a safe harbour, where anything is possible. A warm snuggly spot that both nurtures us, AND pushes us to grow into the beings we truly are.
I've seen alot about the virtues of Sisterhood online, and in the "spiritual community", so to speak.
And I love it, I love that Sisterhood is rising.
In order to truly heal, and feel the very real benefits of sisterhood, we need to look at these wounds directly, and bring healing energy to them. These wounds have been in our collective psyches for thousands of years.
As second-class citizens, women have had to fight for resources, husbands, and more, sometimes just for their very survival. This has totally affected how we relate to one another.
It's time we heal, and I think we all feel it, to a certain extent. But how, how to heal?
Well.. first off, healing the wounds of sisterhood is a journey. It won't happen overnight.
But as we each individually do the inner work necessary to find our self-worth + inner sister, MIRACLES happen.
Our vibration and embodiment of this healing ripples out energetically. We are able to support other women in ways we could not have before, and we are also able to let women in and be vulnerable as we heal our fears around intimacy.
This sets an example for the other women in our lives, and sparks a healing journey within them too!
This ceremony will be roughly an hour long, held on video, on Monday, May 8th at 3pm PST*. It will be live, and you'll be able to ask questions in real time, while communicating with fellow participants in the chat box, if you do make it live. {If you can't make it live, there will be a replay sent to you -- Sign up below}
We'll be working with Aphrodite and the spirit of the Dolphin to guide us in this deep exploration and healing.
Together we will discuss how the wounds of sisterhood affect us all, and we'll create a ritual around healing & dissolving these wounds together.
The result will be that you'll feel more connected to your sisters AND yourself, than perhaps ever before. You'll be able to lay down the weapons, and be more aware that all of us are just doing the best we can. You'll be less tempted to judge, and more open to love.
It was about 7 weeks into my trip to Mexico. I had seen some amazing things, and met some wonderful people, and was sitting in a water-front restaurant, waiting for my meal.
We made eye contact, he turned to face the bar, and I literally mouthed “WOW!” because he was so beautiful, and his eyes were so kind.
Now when I see beautiful men I do either one of two things. Stare at them, not talk to them, and keep this mysterious broody vibe that doesn’t get me anywhere. Or I just go up and say hello. Mostly it’s number 1. That day, it was number 2.
I started a conversation with him, after asking him if he spoke English. “A little bit”, he replied. My intuition popped in, and told me to ask him about sailing, as I was wanting to on a sailing adventure around the turquoise lagoon I was staying on.
“Do you do sailing tours?” I asked.
“Yes!” He replied.
We arranged to go sailing later that day. Once a couple hours had passed, we met up. He was wearing just his board shorts and a hat, and it was like my body melted when I saw him. Not only that, but we had an amazing soul connection. Even though his English wasn’t that great, conversation flowed easily, and he laughed at all of my jokes, which is great, cause some people really just don’t get them haha. :)
About 10 minutes into talking, while he grabbed a beer before we went for our sail, he told me that he lived about 15 minutes away, in the jungle. He said there was a campground there, but not much else. He then, in typical direct latino style, looked me straight in the eyes and said “That’s where you can stay when you visit me.”
Everything about him lit up my body like no one in a very long time had. The amber colour of his eyes made my heart open up really wide. He looked at me with pureness in his heart.
We spent a few hours sailing, swimming, and chatting. He kissed me. It was amazing. He asked me out for dinner. Of course, I said yes.
That night we went sailing again, under the Full Moon. We slept on his catamaran, and woke up to the sunrise over the crystal clear water, and birds singing their morning tunes.
He dropped me off at the docks near my Airbnb, and invited me to come to his house. We arranged that I would come to his little jungle palace the next day…
Different possibilities swirled around in my mind. I knew I just met someone that blew me out of the water. Everything about him was amazing. He was beyond sexy, kind, and a total nature lover who preferred to spend his time alone in the jungle. He talked about spiritual ceremonies, and how everything was one. I wondered how long we would end up spending together, as I planned to fly home 2 or 3 weeks later.
The next day, I packed my bags and showed up at his jungle house, which turned out to be this amazing, eco-house right on the water. We spent the next 3 days together, sailing, chatting, making food, loving each other up, and relaxing. I liked him so much… yet I have to be honest and say that something felt a little off. When I left, we agreed that I would come back and spend more time with him… I was on my way to Tulum to meet up with a friend, and to get some space from what had just happened, so I could get a better vibe of what this relationship meant for me. I told him I’d be gone for about a week, maybe more.
I felt anxious throughout that week. I tried to call him, but never got an answer. He couldn’t call me back, because I just use Skype to call phones. He was out in the jungle with no wi-fi either, so even though I was frustrated, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I knew I was going back to see him.
A week passed, and I decided to go back to see him. The night before I left, a huge scorpion fell onto my bed in the middle of the night, but I didn’t get stung. I shared this on FB, and a friend and client wrote to me… “Sister, you’ve been blessed. For the Maya, when Scorpion visits and it doesn’t sting, it brings a powerful message. But in order to receive it, there must be a death.”
That morning, I headed back. I felt like I was walking through fire on that 3 hour bus ride. I was anxious, and didn’t know what to expect. I knew he really liked me, but I was wondering why I couldn’t get a hold of him. Why I felt so far from peace.
No one was home. I walked in, and instantly saw a traveller’s backpack in the kitchen. I went over to it, and peeked inside, like a creep, but I didn’t care. I needed to know. Yep… a bikini top. A girl was staying there.
Right then, he walked up, solo… and looked a bit surprised to see me. His energy was different. After saying hello, I just asked him straight up… “Is there a girl staying here?”
“Yes” he said.
“OK, I guess I’ll go.”
“See you later?” He asked, implying that I would come back when this girl had finished staying with him.
“No.” I told him. “I’ve been thinking about you for a week, and you’re already with another girl.”
His face fell.
“Do you have 5 minutes to talk? I wanted to tell you some things.”
And I did. I wanted to tell him, I had a profound experience the day before. I saw that we had known each other in various lives, that our connection was big, was forever, but we weren’t meant to be long-term lovers. We were powerful soul friends. We were spiritual teachers who had come to this planet in our wholeness.
“No, we have to go sailing.” He said. And I knew he was nervous that if he took his time, the other girl might come up and wonder what he was doing. She was down at the dock. About to go sailing with him. Like we had for 4 days. Ouch.
I accepted what was going on, but I grabbed his hand, looked him in the eyes, and told him how special he was to me. I started crying a bit. I was so hurt. I thought I was going back to see this man and spend more time with his soul, snuggling up to him, and sharing my recent revelations.
But instead, I found myself saying a rushed goodbye, probably for the rest of our lives.
He looked sad too. But I left.
I left and I cried and I felt so sad.
He didn’t ever message me after that.
That was the last time I talked to him.
This experience happened in the middle of Venus retrograde - the love planet's deepest descent into the underworld, and a notorious time for our old wounds to be dredged up to be healed.
And you know what... I’m so grateful for this man, and what happened.
I have so much love in my heart for him, and I know, in other dimensions I will see him again.
You see, this was not the first guy that “hurt me”. In the last 4 years that I’ve been single, I’ve unconsciously attracted man after man that was not available. Men that thought I was crazy for having such intense emotions, or for being spiritually connected to other realms and open about it. Men that denied me and rejected me, when at first they seemed enamored with me.
After the initial moments of despair and feelings of “not enoughness” started to wear off, I realized I had to get serious about healing with the Sacred Masculine.
I could not just say 15 minutes of affirmations every 2 weeks like “I honour the Sacred Masculine. Good men show up in my life and honour me” - and expect that all would be well and dandy.
I honoured that at a subconscious level, men meant ‘hurt’ to me. Men were dangerous, associated with war, and a lack of emotional empathy. Of course if I had these subconscious programs, that was what was going to show up for me.
Not only that though. My big AHA came from realizing that I have been searching for the masculine outside of myself.
I took that 3 hour bus ride, not to shower that man with love, but to “get” from him. I wanted him to snuggle me and love me. I wanted to receive his masculine energy.
Yes indeed, that masculine energy was delicious, but here’s the thing - it exists within me.
And for years and years, I’ve been suppressing my masculine energy, for reasons I can’t be fully sure of, but most likely because of my soul witnessing thousands of years of oppressive patriarchy, and me making the tie between men and patriarchy.
But the sacred masculine has nothing to do with patriarchy. He is a holy, sacred energy, that is incredible at grounding, holding space, commanding resources, and so much more.
Because of this experience, I got a huge download from the Universe, that it was time to honour my own masculine energy, and let it live within me.
If I honour my masculine, root into both my feminine and masculine, and allow my ideal lover to magnetize towards my unified vibrations (ie. attract, rather than chase) - I will experience majestic vibrations of healthy LOVE.
Through subconscious reprogramming, meditation, visualization, ceremony, and being aware of what my intentions are with men in any given moment, I am choosing to heal.
This process will take time and it will take work, because that is the nature of Earth School.
But I’m in. I choose to heal not just for myself, but for the collective. Because the re-union of the Feminine and the Masculine is the salve that will harmonize this planet.
And as I leave you with these words, I also want to ask you a few questions to get you reflecting on your own life, and how this relates to you:
In love and gratitude, thank you for witnessing my story!